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Description
There's a hole in my brain
about the size of a bullet
And I really need to find
something that can fill it
I don't blame you for this life
but I'll be the one to kill it
Don't worry about me I just need a minute.

I have 10 different pills
that I've taken every way
since the doctor shook my hand
and said, "Have a nice day"
Some are kind of helpful
and some I use for play
Well they didn't tell me what they were for anyway.

So I'm on drugs that are curing
these mysteries inside me
Oftentimes I wonder
how crazy I really might be
Swallow down my shame in a medicated sea
Success is locked up and I still can't find the key.

So I made some mistakes
but I think I'm learning from them
And I'm starting to find
that it's hard to be grown-up when
I gotta do everything
while you're holding my hand
But no matter what I say you don't really understand.

Everything that I start
I can't seem to finish
And I can't figure out why
my heart isn't in this
Meanwhile my head's saying,
"well you know the thing is…."
In the end I suppose that this ignorance is bliss.

I am always afraid of
what you're going to say
When I start out so well
but eventually go astray
I'm always upset when I can't find a way
To achieve my goals at the end of the day.

So I'm bracing myself
for this next phone call
I'm gonna cry and try to tell you
how I gave it my all
and maybe this is the last time
you help me up when I fall
That's okay with me though, 'cause I gotta learn to crawl.

I won't tell you how I think
I should have a little more say
I know you have the money
but I never asked you to pay
I appreciate the support but
decisions are always gray
And none of us are happy at the end of the day.

There's no point in playing poker
when you hold all the cards
You steer me in a direction
so your choice becomes "ours"
But it's "mine" as long as you
shake the coins in those jars
I'm a puppet on strings still wishing on stars.

I don't think you see the toll
your money takes on me
I'm dependent on everything
everything except for three
What I wear, what I say, and who I want to be
Those choices are mine and you can't take them from me.

I have more I have to say to you
so just sit back down
You owe at least that much to me
since you haven't been around
I just wanna let you know how much
I fucking hate this town
And how much I need the home that I still haven't found.

The most important thing to me now
is finding my own place
Something that is my own
with personal space
If you don't want me to live alone
then just buy me some mace
How can you expect me to win the game without a Home Base?

This place is much worse
than where I was before
The town here is dull and
there are snobs galore
Compared to this place
even Portland seems hardcore
I've been trying to adapt but I can't take it anymore.

And no, it's not the fact
I haven't made any friends
I'm okay on my own
(although some days that depends)
I'm just caught in a cycle
that never never ends.
I've been stuck above water while my soul descends.

The world only feels good
when I'm wearing headphones
but there's still something wrong inside
I can feel it in my bones
I feel it ever more along your inflections and tones
So I'm dreading your call with this series of groans.

…Ugh.

You walk a fine line between
support and control
I wish you'd realize at times
you overstep your role
You wanna help me to make my life whole
But we can find better means to reach this common goal.

I know you feel guilty
for not being here
But I don't want your money
I just need you to cheer
me on through this struggle
and my growing fear
You can give me directions, but please let me steer.

Now that I'm finished venting
I just wanna let you know
That I love you to death
for trying to help me grow
This is written out of frustration
that I still have nothing to show
And that truth above everything, makes me feel so low.

I'm lucky to have
you guys in my life
We've been through a lot
through laughter and strife
You've stood beside me
in the worst chapter of my life
But I feel like I'm on a leash… and now I'm holding the knife.

Description
There's a hole in my brain
about the size of a bullet
And I really need to find
something that can fill it
I don't blame you for this life
but I'll be the one to kill it
Don't worry about me I just need a minute.

I have 10 different pills
that I've taken every way
since the doctor shook my hand
and said, "Have a nice day"
Some are kind of helpful
and some I use for play
Well they didn't tell me what they were for anyway.

So I'm on drugs that are curing
these mysteries inside me
Oftentimes I wonder
how crazy I really might be
Swallow down my shame in a medicated sea
Success is locked up and I still can't find the key.

So I made some mistakes
but I think I'm learning from them
And I'm starting to find
that it's hard to be grown-up when
I gotta do everything
while you're holding my hand
But no matter what I say you don't really understand.

Everything that I start
I can't seem to finish
And I can't figure out why
my heart isn't in this
Meanwhile my head's saying,
"well you know the thing is…."
In the end I suppose that this ignorance is bliss.

I am always afraid of
what you're going to say
When I start out so well
but eventually go astray
I'm always upset when I can't find a way
To achieve my goals at the end of the day.

So I'm bracing myself
for this next phone call
I'm gonna cry and try to tell you
how I gave it my all
and maybe this is the last time
you help me up when I fall
That's okay with me though, 'cause I gotta learn to crawl.

I won't tell you how I think
I should have a little more say
I know you have the money
but I never asked you to pay
I appreciate the support but
decisions are always gray
And none of us are happy at the end of the day.

There's no point in playing poker
when you hold all the cards
You steer me in a direction
so your choice becomes "ours"
But it's "mine" as long as you
shake the coins in those jars
I'm a puppet on strings still wishing on stars.

I don't think you see the toll
your money takes on me
I'm dependent on everything
everything except for three
What I wear, what I say, and who I want to be
Those choices are mine and you can't take them from me.

I have more I have to say to you
so just sit back down
You owe at least that much to me
since you haven't been around
I just wanna let you know how much
I fucking hate this town
And how much I need the home that I still haven't found.

The most important thing to me now
is finding my own place
Something that is my own
with personal space
If you don't want me to live alone
then just buy me some mace
How can you expect me to win the game without a Home Base?

This place is much worse
than where I was before
The town here is dull and
there are snobs galore
Compared to this place
even Portland seems hardcore
I've been trying to adapt but I can't take it anymore.

And no, it's not the fact
I haven't made any friends
I'm okay on my own
(although some days that depends)
I'm just caught in a cycle
that never never ends.
I've been stuck above water while my soul descends.

The world only feels good
when I'm wearing headphones
but there's still something wrong inside
I can feel it in my bones
I feel it ever more along your inflections and tones
So I'm dreading your call with this series of groans.

…Ugh.

You walk a fine line between
support and control
I wish you'd realize at times
you overstep your role
You wanna help me to make my life whole
But we can find better means to reach this common goal.

I know you feel guilty
for not being here
But I don't want your money
I just need you to cheer
me on through this struggle
and my growing fear
You can give me directions, but please let me steer.

Now that I'm finished venting
I just wanna let you know
That I love you to death
for trying to help me grow
This is written out of frustration
that I still have nothing to show
And that truth above everything, makes me feel so low.

I'm lucky to have
you guys in my life
We've been through a lot
through laughter and strife
You've stood beside me
in the worst chapter of my life
But I feel like I'm on a leash… and now I'm holding the knife.