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Description
A painting of being a ghost and chasing the ghost of my own past self, stumbling and getting discouraged at every step. I wish I could have painted this a year ago, to express how it felt, but I couldn't - it took a year to recover enough to actually do illustrations like this, yet it's still nowhere near where I need to be to do anything about anything. Nothing looks right, nothing looks like it should look and it takes forever.

I suck.

So I train and study with all I have right now, whenever my health is good enough to do so. At times, I get discouraged and feel hopeless if I'll ever recover, but the overall parameters of my health are improving - the KO episodes and bed regime time is decreasing and I can work on art a little bit longer day by day.

And while it's nothing much, I can mention all the people I owe art to in the acknowledgement section of my upcoming artbook (a lot of sketches again). It's horrible that my health is like it is and that I'm not able to finish all that art, but I'm doing my best every day to eventually recover and finish what I started. In the low periods, I think it's hopeless, but it's actually not - it just takes a lot of hard work and training, and doing physically painful stuff. It's hard to think of painful procedures as healthy, because it hurts to get them, so there's that physical reluctance to do it, but it's needed.

--

In other news - I'm a wuss and I'm afraid to look at messages. Sorry. I think I'll look when my body is healthy enough to work, because then I'll be able to do something about it, right now my body is too weak and that does weaken the mind too. You don't feel strong, when your body is weak and you are dependent on the kindness of others for everything.

--

But in yet other news - Redbubble has a 30% off sale and you can get this artwork on a lot of cool stuff:
www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/1482…

And there is also more art on Redbubble, because it makes me happy to see my art on products and when you have very little time and energy to submit anything, you gravitate towards places that feel more meaningful. o/

--

And in yet other other news:

I'm working on a personal website - tshuki.art/
Where I hope to bring all my stuff together - from all the sites all around and have a proper, beautiful-looking portfolio with artbooks in it and--
Yes, slowly seeing my health recovering has made me feel kind of hopeful about the future and I'm getting all these ideas of what I'd like to do.

And messages - I'm not able to do anything about anything right now, so it's kind of pointless, and my health can crash at any moment and make me into a ghost in mid-sentence, which is only frustrating and doesn't help. What I can do is only offer my gratitude in acknowledgements and--

Yes, my next artbook will be free to read, so--

Hopefully my health doesn't hickup in a bad way and I manage to complete it till September. I hoped I'd manage till July, but it's August already - it's depressing to see things pushed back like that, while you need to stay in bed, but it is how it is. I'm lucky to be alive, actually, and I'm doing my best to stay positive. Rehab is working, it takes a lot of time and it's frustratingly slow, but I am properly getting better and recovering.

So, that's about it!

Thank you for reading! Hopefully I can share my artbook with you all soon! <3

Description
A painting of being a ghost and chasing the ghost of my own past self, stumbling and getting discouraged at every step. I wish I could have painted this a year ago, to express how it felt, but I couldn't - it took a year to recover enough to actually do illustrations like this, yet it's still nowhere near where I need to be to do anything about anything. Nothing looks right, nothing looks like it should look and it takes forever.

I suck.

So I train and study with all I have right now, whenever my health is good enough to do so. At times, I get discouraged and feel hopeless if I'll ever recover, but the overall parameters of my health are improving - the KO episodes and bed regime time is decreasing and I can work on art a little bit longer day by day.

And while it's nothing much, I can mention all the people I owe art to in the acknowledgement section of my upcoming artbook (a lot of sketches again). It's horrible that my health is like it is and that I'm not able to finish all that art, but I'm doing my best every day to eventually recover and finish what I started. In the low periods, I think it's hopeless, but it's actually not - it just takes a lot of hard work and training, and doing physically painful stuff. It's hard to think of painful procedures as healthy, because it hurts to get them, so there's that physical reluctance to do it, but it's needed.

--

In other news - I'm a wuss and I'm afraid to look at messages. Sorry. I think I'll look when my body is healthy enough to work, because then I'll be able to do something about it, right now my body is too weak and that does weaken the mind too. You don't feel strong, when your body is weak and you are dependent on the kindness of others for everything.

--

But in yet other news - Redbubble has a 30% off sale and you can get this artwork on a lot of cool stuff:
www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/1482…

And there is also more art on Redbubble, because it makes me happy to see my art on products and when you have very little time and energy to submit anything, you gravitate towards places that feel more meaningful. o/

--

And in yet other other news:

I'm working on a personal website - tshuki.art/
Where I hope to bring all my stuff together - from all the sites all around and have a proper, beautiful-looking portfolio with artbooks in it and--
Yes, slowly seeing my health recovering has made me feel kind of hopeful about the future and I'm getting all these ideas of what I'd like to do.

And messages - I'm not able to do anything about anything right now, so it's kind of pointless, and my health can crash at any moment and make me into a ghost in mid-sentence, which is only frustrating and doesn't help. What I can do is only offer my gratitude in acknowledgements and--

Yes, my next artbook will be free to read, so--

Hopefully my health doesn't hickup in a bad way and I manage to complete it till September. I hoped I'd manage till July, but it's August already - it's depressing to see things pushed back like that, while you need to stay in bed, but it is how it is. I'm lucky to be alive, actually, and I'm doing my best to stay positive. Rehab is working, it takes a lot of time and it's frustratingly slow, but I am properly getting better and recovering.

So, that's about it!

Thank you for reading! Hopefully I can share my artbook with you all soon! <3