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volantismapmakers
Published: 2002-08-27 14:41:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 1847; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 76
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Description mapmakers
_______________________________________________________________________

Not the
crisp sterilised paper of
neatly-folded roadmaps; not the
blue-on-black crisscrossing of
highways and railroad tracks;
not the
redbrowngreen of squiggly contours representing sleepy hills
or stern geometrical squares of factory buildings
not these, but
musty parchments in ancient libraries, carefully rolled up to
protect their flaking corners and faded ink;
dust-lined pages of outdated atlases shoved
carelessly behind rows of well-thumbed novels
yellowed aged papers remembering
days of pristine newness and long-dead makers
covered with
intricate traceries of painstakingly drawn
whorls; loops; curlicues; curves depicting
what?

speculate: this looks like
a kite; a lady's high-heeled boot; a dog's head?
tiny arrows charting forgotten seaways and
mysterious 'x's marking maybe
pieces of eight/buried treasure?

carrying you back into
a world where the mystic of the orient still
exists; dragonfly japan reaching hesitant antennae out
to greater dragon china shores

conjuring up pictures of shinto shrines and red-tiled pagodas
hwanghe changjiang snaking through yellow plains fertile with
their floodwaters--and changcheng barring the way of barbarian invaders
with its immovable foundations built on forgotten graves and mengjiangnu's tears

borneo brooding silently over java sumatra; studded with palms
and lithe shapes furtive in dense forests--'heart of darkness'
most exciting of all; the words, written in a trembling hand --
"unexplored."
or "shoals, currents, dangers ahead!" what
lies there?
greedy
icebergs' jaws or
whirlpool currents or seamonsters or mermaids or eldorado or
miles of green ocean and sunshiny isles?

on top; siberian wastes and white arctic expanses
where
fur-hooded inuit and slick black seals walk the silver ice
while off newfoundland blue lobsters snap their pincers glaring
angrily out of fierce beady eyes

traverse the equator/tropics of capricorncancer;
reel off names with the exotic ring; magic of
madagascarkilimanjarotahiticappadociasarajevo
baghdadcarpathiamanilaegypt
flip a page;
there are
sanddunes sphinxes saharas savannas
giraffes stalking proudly amidst thorny acacias
silted rivers meandering slowly through forests of glowing flowers and technicolour birds
down to clamorous ports.

below/ australia new zealand huddle together where
old sailors thought was land's end.
seven seas; deepbluewhitegreenshallow
dappled with flickering sunrays or
roaring with wildstormwindgreycloud
dotted with stately triremes viking longboats
tallmasted junks galleons in full sail chugging steamships slimprowed canoes
precambrian canada reclines upon
america's rough shoulders ridged with
jagged peaks and snowy ranges--

Enough! lest the
call of oceans rivers deserts sweeps you away unheeding into
the mists of time and you are lost in the
questing mysteries
of maps.



_______________________________________________________________________
volantis, August 2002
Related content
Comments: 12

cataplasia [2003-06-15 18:48:06 +0000 UTC]

hey! i read heart of darkness, it was a great book!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

goofyromantic [2003-06-14 05:51:39 +0000 UTC]

Very unique, and I'm damnned glad someone finally thought of it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mobi [2003-05-20 22:44:02 +0000 UTC]

wow... just W W
great poem...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

justb [2002-10-05 04:03:32 +0000 UTC]

I believe in the power of maps. Let's chart a poem of a journey across a continent together......there are so many secrets out there! That would be great

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

jsenn [2002-09-03 03:45:46 +0000 UTC]

The imagery is exceptional, you know? It is and I love it when a writer can bring all this magnificent, beautiful thought to the reader's mind through....is this not amazing, the formation of words into simple sentences. Your use of words is exceptional, truly this is a beautifully written and thought provokingly rich poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

antigrrl [2002-08-31 09:58:06 +0000 UTC]

eeep, how can i follow up limnersphere's critique? well i just want to tell you that your work is magnificent and I loved the whole poem, so much that i'm going to it... mesmerizing use of words, concept, and all.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

C-Novack [2002-08-30 16:02:55 +0000 UTC]

The imagery is wonderful. You have effectively made us see and smell the depictions on the maps. You have very definately done your homework on presenting the mystique and reality of the times and the mapmakers themselves.

But a bit of constructive critique here: Sometimes the imagery and feeling were overwhelming. I agree with Namaste, a bit of white space would help enhance the poem, by giving the reader a pause before forging ahead with the next set of images: I.E.

carrying you back into
a world where the mystic of the orient still
exists; dragonfly japan reaching hesitant antennae out
to greater dragon china shores

conjuring up pictures of shinto shrines and red-tiled pagodas
hwanghe changjiang snaking through yellow plains fertile with
their floodwaters--and changcheng barring the way of barbarian invaders
with its immovable foundations built on forgotten graves and mengjiangnu's tears

borneo brooding silently over java sumatra; studded with palms
and lithe shapes furtive in dense forests--'heart of darkness'
most exciting of all; the words, written in a trembling hand

--"unexplored."

or "shoals, currents, dangers ahead!" what lies there?

greedy icebergs' jaws or
whirlpool currents or seamonsters or mermaids or eldorado or
miles of green ocean and sunshiny isles?

on top
siberian wastes and white arctic expanses
where
fur-hooded inuit and slick black seals walk the silver ice
while off newfoundland blue lobsters snap their pincers glaring

I'm not saying you have to agree with my line breakage, but I hope you do see that line breaks serve a function of giving the reader a pause to absorb the images/thoughts.

The other critque I have that hinders the beauty of the poem is the overuse of the "grouped words".....

tallmastedjunks galleonsinfullsail chuggingsteamships slimprowedcanoes

I believe you were trying to get the rush of emotions/feelings/images like that of the waves crashing or a tumble of memories to bring a rush of all things to the reader in one moment of clarity. Used sparingly it works wonders with enhancing but the last half of the poem is rife with it, making to bottom heavy....it too needs the spacing to allow a pause.


Anyways, enough critique, congrats on the DP and crafting a well-thought out poem.




👍: 0 ⏩: 0

rebelchic [2002-08-29 23:10:01 +0000 UTC]

nice job. it was extremly well written and flowed beautifully.

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meic2 [2002-08-29 21:16:14 +0000 UTC]

A veritable tour-de-force. An intriguing concept beautifully expressed. DD well deserved indeed.

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namaste [2002-08-28 14:18:37 +0000 UTC]

gorgeous words- a great second draft.
it stands quite well on its own, as you've seen from the comments above, but if you choose to revisit it, i'd suggest looking at some of those line breaks. each line of poetry should be able to stand on its own, and there's got to be at least a little uniformity of length and rhythm. i have no problem with transgressing against this- as long as it's purposeful and for a good reason-

also, maybe some stanza breaks, or at least some white space here and there to help us see the directions of your ideas.

but still, this is such a marvellous poem, with incredible richness of image and idea. bravo.

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technodepth [2002-08-28 09:41:45 +0000 UTC]

Great work. This is absolutely magnificent.....and so original, so unlike everything else. Superb.

Really gets that travel-bug biting as well....

Flows excellently as well. All fits together, so exotic sounding, conjures up beautiful images and sparks the imagination.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

deejbard [2002-08-27 23:25:26 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful. truly, maps can be as amazing as books.

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