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Published: 2007-02-05 13:42:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 90; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description
If I had a single pennyFor every thought of you,
I'd pour them in a wishing well,
And ask that they come true.
And then I'd lay me down to sleep
On pillows made of rain,
And ask that every drop of it
Would take away your pain.
And when I close my eyes tonight,
I'll touch the moonlight frost.
And I will ask that I can see
The angel that I lost.
Your smile wrapped in emerald leaves
Drifting in my dreams,
As you dance across the starlit lake;
A spirit always free.
But for some things I'd never wish,
Like to clip your graceul wings
So you can feel the winter's cold,
And the sorrow that it brings.
With moonlight frost upon your heels,
And upon your lips and hair,
You sway beneath the midnight breeze;
A feather in the air.
But your fragile feet can't touch this ground
In fear that you might break.
So I'll hold you tight with arms of glass
Upon this silver lake.
And swans will circle under us;
A thousand snowflake hearts.
And for a minute it is gone--
The reason we're apart.
But now the waking dawn has come
To melt your ghost of frost.
So sleep within the moonlight, love--
The angel that I lost.
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Comments: 1
BellicoseBreakfast [2008-03-16 03:19:13 +0000 UTC]
Very solid. Couple things I might change, if you don't mind the critique
In the third stanza, I might make 'moonlight' 'moonlit'
The second to last stanza I would start with 'the' instead of 'and', and make the semicolon and period both commas.
I prefer a space before dashes, but that's just me. Well, all of the suggestions are just me, but thought I might put it out there anyway.
I quite like it. Good job!
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