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wolfdancer — Lost At Sea
Published: 2005-06-03 08:21:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 106; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description A million different whispers
are calling my name.
All put together
they all sound the same.
Pleading for help
they're calling to me.
But I can't reach them
we're all lost at sea.
Choking and drowning,
I push towards the shore.
Dying and sinking
just a little bit more.
I've let them all down
I feel what they felt.
They were all counting on me
but I couldn't even save myself.
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Comments: 1

goldilox8264 [2005-06-04 01:08:57 +0000 UTC]

Wonderful job. The only problem I have with it is the last pair of rhymes. Felt and myself don't really rhyme. It makes it sound forced and really takes away from the poem. If it weren't for that it would be a wonderful poem. Remember that for a poem to be a poem it doesn't need to rhyme. It just needs to be written. Kudos on a great job. ^.^

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