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leslie gore - it's my party

anyway um. my life has gone to shit very rapidly.

my motorcycle was stolen and broken. wires pulled, seat torn etc. there are very few things i enjoy in life, and a big one was just taken from me. i was told it could be fixed by next spring, but i don't know if i even want it back, maybe my punishment was losing it.
my ptsd has been worse, daily flashbacks, nightly nightmares, i can't be around people without panicking. i don't know if it's purely ptsd or if i am having a relapse with psychosis too, but i am afraid of everything. i dont trust the people around me, the world around me.
i've become severely dependent on alcohol. i can't go a day without it. it's affecting my ability to take care of myself, go to college, even remembering what i do during the day has become impossible. being in places ive never seen before, saying things i wasnt supposed to.
it's upsetting. a year ago my life was at it's best, i was hopeful for future as an adult. i still had contact with people i trusted and loved. i felt loved. and now ive ruined it all. it took me 5 years to get better, and only one to burn it all down.

so yeah. sorry for the rant. idk what to do and art seems to be the only healthy way i cope with my shit nowadays.

thanks for 100 watchers, btw. i appreciate it, even if i am not very active.

Description
leslie gore - it's my party

anyway um. my life has gone to shit very rapidly.

my motorcycle was stolen and broken. wires pulled, seat torn etc. there are very few things i enjoy in life, and a big one was just taken from me. i was told it could be fixed by next spring, but i don't know if i even want it back, maybe my punishment was losing it.
my ptsd has been worse, daily flashbacks, nightly nightmares, i can't be around people without panicking. i don't know if it's purely ptsd or if i am having a relapse with psychosis too, but i am afraid of everything. i dont trust the people around me, the world around me.
i've become severely dependent on alcohol. i can't go a day without it. it's affecting my ability to take care of myself, go to college, even remembering what i do during the day has become impossible. being in places ive never seen before, saying things i wasnt supposed to.
it's upsetting. a year ago my life was at it's best, i was hopeful for future as an adult. i still had contact with people i trusted and loved. i felt loved. and now ive ruined it all. it took me 5 years to get better, and only one to burn it all down.

so yeah. sorry for the rant. idk what to do and art seems to be the only healthy way i cope with my shit nowadays.

thanks for 100 watchers, btw. i appreciate it, even if i am not very active.