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BDSM involves an immensely large variety of erotic practices.

These practices involve bondage, power exchange, role play, and

interpersonal dynamics in general. BDSM stands for bondage,

discipline, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism.

Sadism is where one will receive pleasure from the suffering of

others, while masochism is where one will receive pleasure from

being the one to suffer. Sadomasochists are the mixture of both.

Your involvement in the BDSM realm may vary from a one time

experience, to a lifestyle, depending on the level of enjoyment

that you receive from it. There are many identity aspects in

this realm, as well as an incredibly large spectrum of activities.

Understanding of the BDSM Theory can take quite a while, as it

covers quite a bit of information, and subtopics. Aside from the

BDSM Theory, you must also learn things such as disciplines,

identity types, instruments or play, and much more.

Safe, Sane, And Consensual

This is a practice in which any and all necessary precautions are

taken before any activities occur. By being (s)afe, you are ensuring

that all parties understand any health risks that may occue, and

what will be done to attempt to avoid them. By being (s)ane, you

are fully aware of the activities set forth, and are in a sensible state

of mind. You understand the environment around you, what will

take place, what is going on, etc. Your mindset is clear and you are

fully aware. By being (c)onsensual, you give your absolute consent

to any and all parties involved, which, can be altered at any time

during play, or any activity at hand.

BDSM Vs. Abuse

It's a common misconception that BDSM condones abusive relationships,

and/or encourages them. This is false on many, many levels.

The difference between BDSM and abuse...

Communication - All participants will engage in a conversation in which

they speak upon what they would like during the scene/play, restrictions

that should be kept in mind, and the safety precautions that they should

take in order to keep things moving swiftly, and safely.

Agreement - All participants agree upon things which were suggested

and talked thoroughly of during the communication stage, and will

have complete understanding of the restrictions set in place, what

will take place, and safety measures that will be included.

Scene/Play - This is where the scene/play discussed in the

communication and agreement stages will be performed.

Aftercare - Once the scene/play is concluded, this will be the next

stage. This is where all participants involved will take necessary

time to themselves to replenish their energy, hydrate themselves,

and tend to any injuries that they may have received such as scrapes,

burns, etc. Physical affection often occurs after everyone has settled,

and taken care of themselves accordingly. This is to ensure connection,

bonding, and compassion.

Debrief - This is the final stage in the cycle. During debrief, all

participants will hold another discussion, in which they will speak upon

things that happened during the scene/play. They will discuss what they

liked, disliked, what did not work very well, and what they suggest for

the next scene/play.

Scene/Play

There are six areas of play. Physical, mental, light, heavy, edge, and

balls out risky. Here are brief overviews of these areas of play.

Physical - This area will contain all kinky activity which is to be

carried out physically.

Mental - This area will contain activities which are meant to impose

a psychological impact, rather than a physical one. These are often

practiced without a physical component of any kind.

Light - This area will contain mild intensity activity. For example,

there may be casual spanking involved. Perhaps light sensation play,

and bondage, as well. This realm of play is commonly explored by

the, otherwise, standard vanilla couple.

Vanilla, in simple terms, means that there is no kink involved.

Heavy - This area will contain activities that are considered to be a

bit intense. These activities are commonly within the realm of

RACK, which stands for (r)isk (a)ware (s)exual (k)ink. For

example, wax play, is an activity which belongs in this area.

Edge - This area will contain play that is considered to be quite

dangerous. Exampled of this realm vary greatly on perception of

different activities.

Balls Out Risky - This area will contain play that is considered

to be immensely dangerous. These activities may exceed the

boundaries that one considers to be acceptable risks.

Safewords

A safeword is a code, or an action, which symbolizes that

that bottom has, or is nearing, their limit(s). It may also

mean that the bottom is in distress, and that the scene/play

must be put to an end. It is possible that a bottom will be

engulfed in a trance like state during subspace if it becomes

too deep. In the event of this occurrence, it is possible that the

bottom will be unable to speak. If this happens, it is vital that the

bottom and Top have discussed and agreed upon Safe Signals

in replace of words. It is still VERY important that the Top will

constantly monitor the bottom's reactions, as to ensure

that there are absolutely no issues at hand, and that the

well-being of the bottom is not compromised in any fashion.

Red Flags

Red flags are suggestive pieces of information which are

meant to imply a sense of worry or caution. They indicate

potential danger within this lifestyle when meeting new

people and involving yourself in a new relationship. Here

are some things to look out for when getting involved in

this community.

(1) Lack of, absence of, or inconsistent communication.

(2) Excessive bad reports, horrid reputation.

(3) Inappropriate, easy infuriated, or immature attitude.

(4) Questions that make you feel uneasy or pressured.

(5) Moving at a pace that is way too quick for comfort.

(6) Reportedly unwilling to comply with safety precautions

or boundaries.

(7) Speaking ill of previous partners, purposefully creating

issues with them without proper reason, or speaking to

them without your will.

(8) Pressuring of things you are not comfortable doing.

(9) Immediate request for vulgar/inappropriate content.

(10) Kink/Slut shaming. Kink shaming is NOT okay in

this community. At all. Nor is bullying, slut shaming,

and the likes. Be. Respectful. Unless, however, the

kink that is being shamed it completely disregarding

the safety, well-being, respect, and consent of a person.

These are not all of the red flags that can be presented

to you, but, it will give you a decent understanding of the

bad things to look for.

Dominant Vs Master/Mistress

The Relationship between a Master/Mistress and a slave is

typically devoid of a true Dominant/submissive relationship.

This is because, as apposed to a Dominant, a Master/Mistress

will strive for Topping alone. Topping focuses on scene/play rather

than it does a relationship with the bottom. This is purely to achieve

an effect, rather than a long term relationship. Usually, at the end

of a scene, the dynamic will end. The participants will part ways

until the next scene/play. With a Dominant, however, there will

be a dynamic between yourself and the Dominant. This dynamic

will stretch for beyond the scene/play. It is a relationship that

involves the BDSM lifestyle to add reinforcement and structure,

and to provide the desires D/s effect. Think of a Dominant

and a submissive as Leader, and follower. While Master/Mistress

and slave as Owner, and property.

Submissive Vs. Slave

While submissives retain the ability to say no, it does not mean

that it will be taken lightly by their Dominant. They must have

a valid reason for refusing a command. It does not necessarily

mean that they will be able to get away with disobedience. It

is advised to always be on your best behavior, regardless

of your status. Obey your Top unless you have a VITAL

reason to decline. Respect them, their reputation (don't

sully it by poor behavior) and other Top statuses around

you. Always ask for permission for things, and communicate

with your Dominant as needed. Use your manners, always.

Little/Brat & Daddy/Mommy Dom

A little is an umbrella term for one who engages in Age Play,

or TLC. A little possesses childlike qualities mentally and/or

physically. The title is common in those who do not claim a

specific age when in littlespace, as opposed to

Babygirls/Babyboys, Middles, or Adult babies. This type of D/s

relationship is NOT incestual, nor does ti condone/promote/include

pedophilia. NO parties involved are related in any form or

fashion. All participants are active sexually by LEGAL standards.

A Daddy or Mommy Dom is far less strict than other Tops. Their

purpose is to discipline their little, to guide them, to nourish them,

to protect them, and to spoil them (materialistic and/or affectionately).

They may sometimes be referred to as "Gentle Doms." They do not

enjoy punishing their little. However, if need be, the task set will be

put in place purely to give the little a lesson. They provide the little

a small lecture as to why what they did is wrong, and how to behave

differently in order to better themselves. A Daddy or Mommy Dom

will never enjoy punishing their little one, nor will they enjoy seeing

them cry of shame. This is why a Daddy/Mommy is different from a

sadist, who, receive pleasure from inflicting physical or mental pain

and/or suffering upon another.

A Daddy/Mommy will set daily tasks in order to guide the little in

taking care of themselves, in an attempt to bring out the very best

in their little one. Showering, eating 3 fulls meals, drinking plenty

of water, exercising, medicine intake, etc. A Daddy/Mommy will do

their best to relieve stress, by guiding their little one through life's

obstacles. However, littles are not always "age players." They can

share a TLC relationship with a Daddy/Mommy, which stands for

Tender Loving Care, to feed the inner child within the bottom. The

only different is that the bottom will not act out as an actual child,

as would an ageplayer.

A brat is simply a little, or bottom status, that is purposefully

disobedient and/or disrespectful.

Protectors

A Protector is one who will escort and/or protect a charge.

This is a person that exists under the protection of a

Protector. A Protector's job will vary greatly depending

on the negotiations made between themselves and the charge.

Trainer/Mentor

A Trainer is a Top who will guide a bottom status through

training in order to become involved in BDSM as a lifestyle.

A mentor is one who will guide a Dominant to become better

with what they do, and will assist them in becoming more

experienced.

Pets

This is a submissive status in which the bottom possess

mental and/or physical aspects of an animal of their

choosing. The Dominant is typically referred to as an

Owner. A pet is completely dependent on their Owner.

They will depend on their Owner to be fed, and taken

care of in regards to their health. They may also depend

on their Owner to be bathed and groomed. A pet will

sleep where they are told to sleep by their Owner as

well. Commonly seen pets are ponies, puppies, and kittens.

Butler/Maid

This is a service submissive. They derive satisfaction by

completing tasks or chores set by a Dominant. Scene/play

is very rare. Sex is almost never apparent. They may or may

not reside with their Dominant, depending on the negotiations

set forth. There are many services that they can be used for.

However, this service submissive is most often used for

hospitality of guests, housework, running errands, and cooking.

Dolls

This is a submissive that evolves into a living doll, both physically

and mentally. They are used to the full advantage of a Dominant,

and will serve a specific purpose at all times. For example, there are

sex dolls, that are used purely for sex. They are modified by their Dom,

who creates their own definition of a perfect doll.

Demo & Performance Bottom

These are not statuses, as would the terms from Dominant Vs.

Master/Mistress, to doll.

A Demo bottom is a bottom that is used purely for purposes of

demonstration. They are selected due to their extensive comfort

and experience regarding the scene/play being demonstrated.

However, a performance bottom is much more indulgent in

the areas of showmanship. They are much more optimal, and

will seme as pieces of presentation during a show, or outing.

Their purpose is to make the Top appear to be incredibly

skilled, talented, and refined. These performances will

typically require rehearsing beforehand. This is an act of

exhibitionism.

Collaring

Collars are used to symbolize a power exchange dynamic,

but, can also be worn for fashion purposes alone. When

under a collar, the bottom is not the sole owner of the item.

They are actually the custodian of he collar. They are expected

to maintain the symbolization of the collar, and to maintain the

collar in a way that ensures the quality will remain the same

as they day it was presented. In most cases, absolutely no one,

including the bottom, is permitted to remove the collar. They only

exception to this, is the Dominant's choice, or in the event that a

medical emergency arises. Another exception to this is when the

bottom is to remove the collar at a security checkpoint.

They can indicate long term relationships, but, this is not always

the case. There is a process that leads to permanent collaring,

which may involve four steps. This varies depending on the

Dominant. Consideration, training, trial, and permanent

collaring are the four typical steps.

Collaring ceremonies tend to very symbolic, and can vary

heavily, much like the marriage ceremonies between

vanilla couples. They don't always happen when a bottom

is collared. They can be nonexistent. It depends on the

preferences of both the Dominant and the bottom.

Earning a permanent collar is not easy, and is

completely up to the Dominant. They choose whether

or not you have earned it, as well as whether or not

they would like to permanently collar you.

Next are thirteen traditional collar types.

Classic Collar - This is a permanent collar, consisting

of a black leather strap. This strap will be approximately

1.5 inches wide, depending on the size and weight of the

bottom. It will be accessorized with a standard O ring on

the front of the collar, while a locking mechanism of sort

will be placed on the backside. It is worn smugly upon

the bottom's neck.

Modern Collar - This is a collar that typically consists

of a lightweight metal of sort. The locking mechanism

chosen for the collar will be heavy duty, and will not be

easy to remove. These collars are typically non-conductive,

in the event that a bottom chooses to engage in electrical

play. These often come in a rigid circle (flat style) or in an

anatomically contoured Turian style.

Simple Collar - This is simply a chain bound at the ends by

a padlock.

Alternative Collar - This is where, instead of an item that is

worn around the neck, the bottom will turn to other methods

of symbolization. Tooting, branding, anklets, dog tags, wedding

rings, and so much more. At times, there may be absolutely no

physical symbolization.

Play Collar - Typically, this is a very wide collar, consisting of

black leather, with some sort of padding or material lining

the inside. They are approximately 2-3 inches wide, depending

on the size and weight of the bottom wearing the collar. Often

times, there will be several D or O rings lining the area of

the collar, which serve as easy connection points to bondage

points or leashes.

Day Collar - This will usually consist of an inconspicuous necklace,

which serves as a daily reminder of the relationship that the bottom

has with a Dominant. These are used to avoid drawing attention to

the fact that the person is a part of a D/s dynamic.

Fashion Collar - This can be a collar of any type. This is worn

merely as a form of fashion. It does not symbolize a D/s dynamic.

Posture Collar - These are made of rigid materials. They may contain

straps, or a style similar to a corset, for purposes of breath play. It is

contoured accordingly along the jawline and shoulders. It stops the

bottom's head from turning, or looking downward. It is used for two

purposes. For one, an increased level of bondage, and/or secondly,

for training the bottom to have a better posture in general.

Protection Collar - These are worn by charges, AKA bottoms under

the protection of a Protector. They are placed on the bottom by their

Protector. They purpose of a protection collar is to redirect any

potential partner(s) to the Protector, rather than the charge, to

consult them about the bottom at hand, and any questions

they may have at them.

Consideration Collar - These are typically blue in color, and are

worn to indicate that the bottom bearing the collar is under

the consideration of a Dominant. It symbolizes a minor tier

of commitment.

Pet Collar - This is worn by a human pet during pet play between

themselves and their Owner. These can also be worn as fashion

collars, or, can be worn by a stray pet who is attempting to slip

into petspace. The design of the collar is most often dependent on

the type of animal being portrayed.

Training Collar - These are put on a pupil by a Trainer and most

often, consists of a plain leather strap. They will not have a

locking mechanism. Rather, they will have buttons, or straps.

It may, or may not, indicate a specific relationship during training.

Velcro Collar - This is a term for collars which are put on, and

removed in a quick motion. Typically, within the span of one year.

Polygamous Vs. Monogamous

Polygamous is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships

where individuals may have more than one partner, with the

knowledge and consent of all partners.

Monogamous is when you are married to, or in a sexual

relationship with one person at a time.

I hope this helps to clear up some things!

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

They can be basic, curious questions, or even more

personal ones that may be about my own experiences

within the lifestyle.

NVSTY