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Well I didn't make it on time but still...
Yesterday (2.07) was very important day for me...
It is the day when I talk to someone who i could called my brother or even twin back then, he was that close for me. But it doesn't matter now couse he don't care about me at all i guess... Maybe he never did.
The thing is... After our last talk I started to feeling worse... He dissapear for one and a half month and when he come back he treat me like an air and still don't want to talk to me.
This is when the nightmare starts... I thought that we can get over it... We still be friends? Right? No... I was never so wrong in my entire life...
It started... Tears every night. That voice in my head that tells me that it always happened to me... That it's my fault. I ruin everything. Nobody ever will need me, and if someone care now, I just make them stop.
I stoped talking to anyone... Only my boyfirend and best friend from time to time but I feel only that I make them miserable and they don't really care.
I feel tired... There were moments when I was holding knife in my hand and think... "I can end this now" I wanted to kill myself. To stop feeling this pain! But I couldn't I knew that I can't leave my boyfiend the only person that was worried... I couldn't hurt him I cann't let him feel how I feel.
My boyfriend mother help me... I started going to psychologist. Every week I only wait this meeting.
But to be honest I barely remember what I was doing half a year ago.
I was just waking up, going to school, wasn't talking to anyone at all, coming back, going to bed and repeat it every day
School doesn't help either. It was my senior year I have important exams. The stress was growing. My mother told me when I said that i actually have suicide thoughts she told me that's because I have too much... It breaks my heart. I feel like nobody need me.
But I wanted to change it. Wanted to forgive myself. Stop hurting myself. Fight to get my life back. Fight for the once that love me.
It was hard. Everything come back to me even if I try to forget. I get rid of it now.
I miss him, I can't say... I would like to get back everything. But not only him there are people I would like to have this bond that I have back then. But I don't think it's possible, sadly...
Well... My life is changing now! I move out to diffrent city to college that I dream of. So I hope I'll meet some new people, maybe some new friends.

The most important thing... Suicide is never a solution... It maybe ends your problems but very often it start them for someone else. Even if you don't see it. There are always at least one people who care about you. So please. Give your friend sweet hug and a lovely kiss to you beloved one.

If you read all of this really thank you that you listen what i had to say.

Check out my other social media:
fb: web.facebook.com/littlebigchao…
TUMBRL: littlebigchaos.tumblr.com/
Insta: www.instagram.com/xlittlebigch…

Description
Well I didn't make it on time but still...
Yesterday (2.07) was very important day for me...
It is the day when I talk to someone who i could called my brother or even twin back then, he was that close for me. But it doesn't matter now couse he don't care about me at all i guess... Maybe he never did.
The thing is... After our last talk I started to feeling worse... He dissapear for one and a half month and when he come back he treat me like an air and still don't want to talk to me.
This is when the nightmare starts... I thought that we can get over it... We still be friends? Right? No... I was never so wrong in my entire life...
It started... Tears every night. That voice in my head that tells me that it always happened to me... That it's my fault. I ruin everything. Nobody ever will need me, and if someone care now, I just make them stop.
I stoped talking to anyone... Only my boyfirend and best friend from time to time but I feel only that I make them miserable and they don't really care.
I feel tired... There were moments when I was holding knife in my hand and think... "I can end this now" I wanted to kill myself. To stop feeling this pain! But I couldn't I knew that I can't leave my boyfiend the only person that was worried... I couldn't hurt him I cann't let him feel how I feel.
My boyfriend mother help me... I started going to psychologist. Every week I only wait this meeting.
But to be honest I barely remember what I was doing half a year ago.
I was just waking up, going to school, wasn't talking to anyone at all, coming back, going to bed and repeat it every day
School doesn't help either. It was my senior year I have important exams. The stress was growing. My mother told me when I said that i actually have suicide thoughts she told me that's because I have too much... It breaks my heart. I feel like nobody need me.
But I wanted to change it. Wanted to forgive myself. Stop hurting myself. Fight to get my life back. Fight for the once that love me.
It was hard. Everything come back to me even if I try to forget. I get rid of it now.
I miss him, I can't say... I would like to get back everything. But not only him there are people I would like to have this bond that I have back then. But I don't think it's possible, sadly...
Well... My life is changing now! I move out to diffrent city to college that I dream of. So I hope I'll meet some new people, maybe some new friends.

The most important thing... Suicide is never a solution... It maybe ends your problems but very often it start them for someone else. Even if you don't see it. There are always at least one people who care about you. So please. Give your friend sweet hug and a lovely kiss to you beloved one.

If you read all of this really thank you that you listen what i had to say.

Check out my other social media:
fb: web.facebook.com/littlebigchao…
TUMBRL: littlebigchaos.tumblr.com/
Insta: www.instagram.com/xlittlebigch…