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T’was the day before Christmas, and not all was well,
For an Uchiha named Tobi was raising holiday hell.

“Zetsu!”

GLOMP

“Zetsu, we need to pick out Christmas ornaments!” Tobi chirped, puling the man to his feet. “Pein said Tobi could get some for the tree, since Tobi’s been such a good boy!”

“Tobi, we will leave as soon as I take down my laundry. Damn you Kakuzu,” Zetsu growled, pulling his semi-dry laundry away from the fireplace.

The laundry had been hung by the fireplace to dry,
After Kakuzu determined the clothes dryer made the power bill too high.

“And then we can go see Santa, right?!”

“Tobi, aren’t you a little old for-“

“PLEASE?!”

“Alright.”

GLOMP

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The artists were nestled in the attic, at work on their art,
Determined to make each other true gifts from the heart.

Sasori was chipping away at a small puppet in front of him, careful to make sure he got every detail perfect. It was far too late to start on a new work of art if he messed up on this one.

The Akasuna was grateful that Deidara was being quiet, for once. He attributed this to the fact that Deidara was hunched over something on the other side of the room, not even bothering to look up and see what Sasori was doing. The puppet master went back to his puppet, now sanding down its face. He hoped Deidara would like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And Pein and Konan, bundled up in quilts and fleece,
Were trying to sleep in, and enjoy a bit of peace.

“It’s way too quiet,” Konan muttered, snuggling closer to her boyfriend. On cold winter mornings like this, it was extremely nice to have a nice guy in bed beside you to rob body heat from.

“Shh, you’re going to jinx it,” Pein replied, kissing his girlfriend lightly on the forward.

“Pein, you’re being ridiculous-“

When up on the roof there came such a noise,
Pein leapt out of bed, to scold a few teenage boys.

The Akatsuki leader stormed down the hallway, muttering to himself as he climbed up the stairs, up the attic ladder, brushing past Deidara and Sasori to open a window.

Pein opened the windows, prepared to scream and shout,
As he leaned through the window to see what the racket was about.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

Hidan and Kakuzu were standing beside a large cauldron, Kakuzu stirring as Hidan managed the flame beneath it. “Hey Pein,” Kakuzu called out, not looking up from what he was doing.

“What’s up, asshole?”

“Why are you two on the roof?! And what is in that thing!?” Pein demanded, pointing to the cauldron.

“Oil,” Kakuzu said. “We’re trying to keep the carolers away. Accursed freeloaders; always asking for cookies or eggnog for singing a few songs…” he shook his head, stirring more rapidly.

“Mind telling me what just fell from the roof?”

“Must’ve been some of the Jashin-damned firewood,” Hidan said, peering over the edge. “Damn, I’m gonna have to-WHOA!”

CRASH

Hidan lay in the snow, staring first at his leader, then his boyfriend,
As he began dusting off the powdery white water that clung to him.

“Jashin damn this snow!” he finally called out, making Pein shake his head and duck back inside the house.

Pein strolled down the stairs, and what should he see?
But a shark and a weasel, decorating a Christmas tree.
Noticing that the two men looked positively pale,
Pein knew in a moment this must be blackmail.

“Do I even want to know why you’re doing this?” Pein asked, watching the duo wrap a string of lights around the plant.

Zetsu told us to put the lights and tinsel on the tree before he and Tobi get back, so they don’t have to worry about Tobi ruining that,” Kisame explained.

“We thought it best not to argue with Zetsu,” Itachi added, connecting two strings of lights together.

“Good call,” Pein said, leaving the two to their work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~that night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was gathered in the living room, finishing a few last-minute Christmas preparations. “Danna, I made the cookies, un!” Deidara called out, bringing a plate of severely-charred baked good into the room.

“Do you people have any idea how much these Christmas lights are costing us?” Kakuzu asked.

“At least we nailed those Jashin-damned carolers. Damn heathens,” Hidan muttered, shaking his head.

“My head,” Pein growled, rubbing his temples.

Anyone want eggnog?” Kisame asked, walking into the room. Pein took a cup, sipping it as he watched Zetsu and Tobi decorate their tree

“It’s done!” Tobi cried, looking proudly at the tree he and Zetsu had decorated.

“Tobi, say thank you to Pein for letting us buy the ornaments”.

“Thank you!”

“Tobi, no!”

GLOMP

Faster than a falcon flying through the air did Tobi soar,
Glomping his poor leader, sending them both to the floor.

Everyone was quiet, staring at the pierced man, who was now covered in eggnog. Tobi immediately climbed off of him, scared for his life.

The auburn-haired man rose to his feet, took a deep breath, and-

“Zetsu, Tobi, Deidara, and Sasori!
Kakuzu, Hidan, Kisame, and Itachi!
To the upstairs, right now! Go to your beds!
Konan, where’s my Advil? I need it for my head.”

Konan rolled her eyes and grabbed the teen. “C’mon, honey.”

The teens were all frozen, fear in their eyes.
They were all silent, happy their still had their lives.
So into her room, Konan did go,
With her boyfriend and a bottle of painkillers in tow.

“I can’t wait for this to be over,” Pein said.

“You love Christmas,” Konan reminded him.

“Not when no one else around here listens to me!”

And then, very softly, Pein heard from the hall,
The sound of each teen obeying his call.
And with those soft sounds, Pein’s heart gave a jerk.
This hateful, bossy mood of his just wouldn’t work.

“Konan, there’s something we have to do.” Before the girl could ask, Pein ducked into his closet, emerging moments later.

He had jeans on his legs, and a coat wrapped around.
“Come on,” he said, “We’re going to town.”
His eyes-how they burned! So late this night.
Filled with the desire to do something right.
Konan’s little mouth was drawn up in a smile.
“You really had me worried for a while.”

The two teens quietly snuck down the hallway, ducking into their car, quietly turning on the engine. “Where are we going?” Konan asked.

“I know a few places for last-minute shopping,” was all Pein said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deidara’s golden hair was spread out on his pillow,
Encircling his head like a gorgeous halo.
Sasori could see the sculptor’s closed visible eye,
That lit up when he laughed like stars in the sky.

For some reason, the redhead couldn’t tear his eyes away from his beautiful, sleeping boyfriend. “Danna, why are you staring at me, un?” Ok, scratch the sleeping part. He looked up at Sasori, eyes full of worry for the artist. He sat up in bed, moving closer to his danna. “Did I do something, un?”

If he wasn’t an angel, he could pass as an elf,
The though made Sasori smile, in spite of himself
The Akasuna did smile, and shook his head,
Letting the blonde know there was nothing to dread.

“I’m just impatient. I want it to be tomorrow, so I can give you your gift.”

Deidara looked at Sasori, then turned to the little table they had next to their bed. His eyes immediately fell on the digital clock. “It’s one in the morning, un. We don’t have to wait anymore, if you don’t want to, un.”

They spoke not a word, but rushed to their hiding places,
returning with presents in hand, and smiles on their faces.
They soon exchanged gifts, hearts pounding with glee.
No more wondering about the gifts; at last they could see!

Sasori went first, unwrapping the gift with the utmost care. His eyes widened as he reached inside and pulled out a small scorpion, every detail perfectly sculpted. “it’s beautiful, Deidara,” he whispered.

“Thanks, un. Now for mine!”

As Deidara began unwrapping his gift, Sasori felt a bit of embarrassment rise in him. “If you don’t like it, I’ll understand. I wasn’t really thinking when I made it-“

“It’s danna!” Deidara exclaimed, looking down at the little puppet in the box. Sure enough, the doll was a perfect replica of Sasori, right down to the red hair on his head and the bored look on his face.

Sasori was feeling extremely embarrassed by now. “Dei, um-“

“It’s so cute, un!” Deidara cried, hugging the doll to his chest. “Now I’ll always have danna around to hug and love and I’ll never have to worry about annoying this one, un!”

“That was the idea,” Sasori admitted, making Deidara’s smile even wider.

Suddenly, the teens heard a noise on the stairs and turned to see Itachi looking at them. “You guys need to come downstairs now.”

“Why?”

“Trust me. If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” Curious, the two teens followed the weasel down the stairs and into the living room.

Pein sprang to his feet when the trio came in.
“Sorry, this couldn’t wait,” he said with a grin.

The teens stared. The room had been decorated from ceiling to floorboards in Christmas décor, and they could smell cookies being made in the kitchen. But what really caught their eye was the fact that the bottom of the tree now had presents stuffed under it.

“What…the…” was all Sasori could say. The others were completely speechless.

Pein merely shrugged. “What can I say? I was struck by the holiday spirit.”

“I can’t believe this,” Hidan growled. “Dragging my ass outta bed for some heathen holiday, with their cheap-ass gifts and-“

“Some of those presents are yours, Hidan.”

“Gang way!” The Jashinist cried, diving into the pile of presents. He and Tobi quickly sorted the gifts, hurling the presents at the person they were for. After passing out all the gifts, Hidan noticed the little puppet on Deidara’s lap, which the blonde had forgotten to put up before he had come downstairs. “You assholes have Christmas a little early?” Hidan asked. “Want me to take one of those Sasoris off your hands?”

Deidara hmmphed and moved closer to Sasori. “My dannas.”

“Pein, we got a gift for you too,” Kisame said, bringing a box forward to their leader. Everyone watched in eager anticipation as Pein opened the box to reveal eight bottles of Advil and a pair of earplugs.

The leader smirked. “Thanks,” he said.

“And now for my gift,” Konan stated, holding up a sprig of mistletoe over the two of them, kissing her boyfriend happily as the others went back to their gifts.

Pein leaned back on the couch, enjoying this peaceful sight.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispered, shutting his eyes as he went out like a light.