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Description
Where I grew up, some girls like myself become victim to objectification and sexualization from a young age as a means to groom us to cover up from men. I would be called degrading things by my male family members when I was just a child.
.
I was made to feel like a sl*t constantly for wearing my messy unkempt hair down (I was 11 and did not know how to take care of it). My family would get me oversized clothing to hide my 'flirtatious' body which was still underdeveloped and childlike, and even then it was not enough.
.
It didn't take long until my younger self got fed up with the constant shaming of my body and I decided to cover myself from head to toe as they wanted me to (I will refrain from using certain terminology not to offend anyone). Finally, the comments were silenced...for the most part.
.
Years passed, I grew, I went through extensive therapy and I found a space to express myself. I came to the realization that...I'm not ashamed anymore.
.
I'm not ashamed to speak in the presence of men, I'm not ashamed to jog in public, I'm not ashamed of practicing a sport in front of everyone, I'm not ashamed to dance, I'm not ashamed of my love of music, I'm not ashamed of my art. I'm not ashamed of being feminine.
.
I'm not ashamed of showing my hair
.
I'm not ashamed of my body.
.
I'm not ashamed of my decisions.
.
Girls and women where I'm from are expected to stay silent and not talk about their decision not to cover up (if its safe enough for them to, because many girls lives are at risk if they decide not to due to family threats that could possibly lead to honor killings)
.
I've been semi-exiled from a part of my family due to my decision. I was lucky I made it through without getting physically hurt. The threats were insane. Though my family was generally absent from my life to begin with and that helped distance their threats and aggression.
.
I am now in safer, more compassionate place with a loving spouse. I am very grateful for my life now and the opportunities I have for a brighter future.
.
But the trauma of my past haunts me and it feels suffocating separating my true feelings from my artistic work and pretending like I've never went through such things.

Description
Where I grew up, some girls like myself become victim to objectification and sexualization from a young age as a means to groom us to cover up from men. I would be called degrading things by my male family members when I was just a child.
.
I was made to feel like a sl*t constantly for wearing my messy unkempt hair down (I was 11 and did not know how to take care of it). My family would get me oversized clothing to hide my 'flirtatious' body which was still underdeveloped and childlike, and even then it was not enough.
.
It didn't take long until my younger self got fed up with the constant shaming of my body and I decided to cover myself from head to toe as they wanted me to (I will refrain from using certain terminology not to offend anyone). Finally, the comments were silenced...for the most part.
.
Years passed, I grew, I went through extensive therapy and I found a space to express myself. I came to the realization that...I'm not ashamed anymore.
.
I'm not ashamed to speak in the presence of men, I'm not ashamed to jog in public, I'm not ashamed of practicing a sport in front of everyone, I'm not ashamed to dance, I'm not ashamed of my love of music, I'm not ashamed of my art. I'm not ashamed of being feminine.
.
I'm not ashamed of showing my hair
.
I'm not ashamed of my body.
.
I'm not ashamed of my decisions.
.
Girls and women where I'm from are expected to stay silent and not talk about their decision not to cover up (if its safe enough for them to, because many girls lives are at risk if they decide not to due to family threats that could possibly lead to honor killings)
.
I've been semi-exiled from a part of my family due to my decision. I was lucky I made it through without getting physically hurt. The threats were insane. Though my family was generally absent from my life to begin with and that helped distance their threats and aggression.
.
I am now in safer, more compassionate place with a loving spouse. I am very grateful for my life now and the opportunities I have for a brighter future.
.
But the trauma of my past haunts me and it feels suffocating separating my true feelings from my artistic work and pretending like I've never went through such things.