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YouInventedMe — tread quiet, tread deep
Published: 2009-01-14 19:48:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 2819; Favourites: 112; Downloads: 16
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Description
night is the stale scentof collected breaths
leaving the light on
in spite of despising it
the almost never silent
the blood
and the body
hope is a half-truth
hope lies in hiding it
the days rest their weight
in the lines of your face
imperfect permanence
they age
and they ache
skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent
and a memory's
forever
(where you left it)
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Comments: 149
I am SO glad you're back! Really. Everytime I se something new from you, I have to repress the fangirl in me.
Anyway, this is a bit of a different tone than I'm used to from you, but I like it a lot. Particularly "the days rest their weight/in the lines of your face/imperfect permanence"
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very kind of you. it's nice to be back.
thankyou
thankyou
thankyou
xo!
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night is the stale scent
of collected breaths
i love how you phrase things.
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ditto, the rhythm is quite noteworthy, excellent!
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much obliged.
great avatar, by the way
xo!
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haha! thx, glad some one noticed xD
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the days rest their weight
in the lines of your face
imperfect permanence
they age
and they ache
I like the rythem in this stanza
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I like this a lot.
I fail at critique right now. n=n
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Oh wow, that left me breathless.
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thank you very much
xo!
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"the days rest their weight
in the lines of your face"
epic beauty =]
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" skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent" Adore that!
This just stunned me.
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"hope is a half-truth
hope lies in hiding it"
How true. Another wonderful effort.
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thank you, your pirate majesty
xo!
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::twinkles::We are pleased...that you are pleased.
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Love it. Especially those opening lines - what a brilliant way to set the scene.
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much obliged, my friend.
xo!
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"and a memory's
forever
where you left it"
Stunning
I wonder where you go, in your own mind, sometimes.
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thanks a lot, natalie.
I wonder, too
...pretty often, in fact. haha.
xo!
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absolutely wonderful.
"skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent
and a memory's
forever
where you left it"
too wonderful for words.
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xo!
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"skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent"
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xo!
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"imperfect permanence"
What a great use of words. Nicely done here.
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I don't know exactly what it is, but this is one of my favourite of your poems so far.
Maybe it's just the way you use words.
=]
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Stunning. Just stunning.
I adore the rhythm and the rhyme in this one.
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