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Description
you see, there's always these letters
and the scary part is, that nobody ever says enough. nobody says what needs to be said. heard.
and i'm scared. and alone. and i'm sad. i'm just so sad, all the time.
and i don't know what i'm supposed to do until you get here.
because i'm alone. and people, they keep saying 'no, you have me' but it isn't real, it isn't true.
i don't have anyone, i'm just waiting. i'm just waiting for you to fucking get here, and lemme tell you, you are taking your time. but i know that when you do, it'll be alright. everything in the world will fit together, i promised myself.
i promised you. and the people, they say that i can't make a promise to somebody i've never met. but i do all the time.
i make promises to you, and i keep them in my head, and when i see you every night in my dreams, i tell you what they are, and you just do stupid shit and hide in my closet so my mom doesn't see you, like a skeleton.
every night you look different, because i don't know what to expect.
every night, you tell me, you say 'you don't need the drugs, and the drinks, and the sadness. you don't need artificial happiness, i'll be there soon.'
but i love you too much to wait.
but i'm still waiting, and that's what scares me. i'm sitting here within the wall i've built around myself to protect me, and i'm waiting for you, but i fear you'll never be able to scale it. so i take the drugs, and drink the drinks, and fall farther down.
and you don't know how much i need you right now.
the people keep saying that it's the build up, and when you get here, it'll be so perfect i'll never be sad again, and that just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
in my dream last night, i left my favorite class to be in yours. and i didn't understand a damn thing, but it didn't matter because you were there and you teased me for not knowing everything even though i always say i do.
it's been two years. two fucking years, and i'm all alone. everyone around me, see, they all have some one. and everyone is so fucking happy, and here's emily, emily zero, and her, she's just the fucking third wheel. she doesn't need anyone to be happy. and i think people are finally starting to see me, and i'm scared, so i lie and i joke and i push them away.
my friend, she told me i didn't know everything. she said that i'm sensitive and i want to make everyone else in the world happy and i just have to wait and it will get better, and i wanted so badly to tell her to fuck off, because she can't tell me who i am. i know who i am.
and my mom, she tried. today i yelled at her, because my sister is seeing a doctor for anxiety, and me, i've been thinking about rapping my car around a tree for three months and i've been crying and just waiting to die, and that isn't what being alive is about, right? there's more, most people aren't just waiting. waiting to die. and my mom says that if i need to see a doctor, she'll call one up. and i said no, i didn't need a doctor. i dont need anyone to listen to my problems and tell me who the fuck i am.
i don't need anyone.
and she said okay, and hung up. so i cried for awhile. because i can't understand why i'm just so very not right.
and i'm scared. and i'm waiting. fucking waiting for you, because i know that when you come, you'll make me better. you just need to be fast, because i'm too much of a realist to want to live here much longer.
and i'm scared. because i do need some one. i need you.

Description
you see, there's always these letters
and the scary part is, that nobody ever says enough. nobody says what needs to be said. heard.
and i'm scared. and alone. and i'm sad. i'm just so sad, all the time.
and i don't know what i'm supposed to do until you get here.
because i'm alone. and people, they keep saying 'no, you have me' but it isn't real, it isn't true.
i don't have anyone, i'm just waiting. i'm just waiting for you to fucking get here, and lemme tell you, you are taking your time. but i know that when you do, it'll be alright. everything in the world will fit together, i promised myself.
i promised you. and the people, they say that i can't make a promise to somebody i've never met. but i do all the time.
i make promises to you, and i keep them in my head, and when i see you every night in my dreams, i tell you what they are, and you just do stupid shit and hide in my closet so my mom doesn't see you, like a skeleton.
every night you look different, because i don't know what to expect.
every night, you tell me, you say 'you don't need the drugs, and the drinks, and the sadness. you don't need artificial happiness, i'll be there soon.'
but i love you too much to wait.
but i'm still waiting, and that's what scares me. i'm sitting here within the wall i've built around myself to protect me, and i'm waiting for you, but i fear you'll never be able to scale it. so i take the drugs, and drink the drinks, and fall farther down.
and you don't know how much i need you right now.
the people keep saying that it's the build up, and when you get here, it'll be so perfect i'll never be sad again, and that just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
in my dream last night, i left my favorite class to be in yours. and i didn't understand a damn thing, but it didn't matter because you were there and you teased me for not knowing everything even though i always say i do.
it's been two years. two fucking years, and i'm all alone. everyone around me, see, they all have some one. and everyone is so fucking happy, and here's emily, emily zero, and her, she's just the fucking third wheel. she doesn't need anyone to be happy. and i think people are finally starting to see me, and i'm scared, so i lie and i joke and i push them away.
my friend, she told me i didn't know everything. she said that i'm sensitive and i want to make everyone else in the world happy and i just have to wait and it will get better, and i wanted so badly to tell her to fuck off, because she can't tell me who i am. i know who i am.
and my mom, she tried. today i yelled at her, because my sister is seeing a doctor for anxiety, and me, i've been thinking about rapping my car around a tree for three months and i've been crying and just waiting to die, and that isn't what being alive is about, right? there's more, most people aren't just waiting. waiting to die. and my mom says that if i need to see a doctor, she'll call one up. and i said no, i didn't need a doctor. i dont need anyone to listen to my problems and tell me who the fuck i am.
i don't need anyone.
and she said okay, and hung up. so i cried for awhile. because i can't understand why i'm just so very not right.
and i'm scared. and i'm waiting. fucking waiting for you, because i know that when you come, you'll make me better. you just need to be fast, because i'm too much of a realist to want to live here much longer.
and i'm scared. because i do need some one. i need you.