flamemc [2003-12-05 09:04:08 +0000 UTC]

Good piece, simple, efficient and effective. That's how all writing should be.

Bravo.

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livingbyair [2003-12-04 22:27:20 +0000 UTC]

i didn't mind the last stanzas, though in my opinion, if you could twist it out and make the bit about losing children to the toilet the ending it would be much stronger.

b/c:

staring
at the
toilet wondering

how many
children
have i lost
to this thing?

^is one of the strongest pieces of literature i've ever read.

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voices [2003-12-04 19:34:53 +0000 UTC]

i think the last stanza ends it well, but the parts before that are tons better,
good work

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festivemanb [2003-12-04 17:06:45 +0000 UTC]

Do you need the last stanza? I don't know...
But I like. And my hunger is that little bit more sated.

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