CodeRedWP In reply to SweetAmuraArt [2010-11-23 23:35:01 +0000 UTC]

np

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CodeRedWP In reply to Little-Loxi13 [2011-01-20 05:41:31 +0000 UTC]

I just realized...I hate this song. :/

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Little-Loxi13 In reply to CodeRedWP [2011-01-20 15:33:41 +0000 UTC]

Ahaha XD

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CodeRedWP In reply to Little-Loxi13 [2010-11-06 06:45:33 +0000 UTC]

IT STILL IS.

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Little-Loxi13 In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-11-06 10:58:47 +0000 UTC]

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE SONG, FOOL >_> XD jk

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CodeRedWP In reply to Little-Loxi13 [2010-11-07 02:56:00 +0000 UTC]

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

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Little-Loxi13 In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-11-07 11:12:49 +0000 UTC]

I feel funny...WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!?! D'8>

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CodeRedWP In reply to Little-Loxi13 [2010-11-08 02:21:04 +0000 UTC]

I dunno, LOL.

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CodeRedWP In reply to y0umu57d13 [2010-09-27 06:28:33 +0000 UTC]

dAmn, That'll show ya.

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CodeRedWP In reply to SweetAmuraArt [2010-09-12 16:53:47 +0000 UTC]

Why hello there.

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CodeRedWP In reply to admiral-squee [2010-09-07 04:55:18 +0000 UTC]

Why thank you good sir.

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CodeRedWP In reply to 7-car-pileup [2010-09-02 04:02:49 +0000 UTC]

no prob

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CodeRedWP In reply to Karst96 [2010-08-24 20:33:19 +0000 UTC]

Huh? But I just you a llama.

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Karst96 In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-08-24 20:36:49 +0000 UTC]

O_O...woohps
sorry. wrong person. XD

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CodeRedWP In reply to Tofu93 [2010-08-23 19:43:46 +0000 UTC]

your welcome.

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CodeRedWP In reply to getfckd [2010-08-23 19:12:05 +0000 UTC]

No problem.

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CodeRedWP In reply to JourneytoRevenge [2010-08-23 03:34:11 +0000 UTC]

No prob. BTW, if it's faved under EPIC, you should be proud.

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JourneytoRevenge In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-08-23 03:38:05 +0000 UTC]

I am. Thank you!

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CodeRedWP In reply to yamilink [2010-08-23 02:17:43 +0000 UTC]

np

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CodeRedWP In reply to WhitMaverick [2010-08-21 12:45:50 +0000 UTC]

Hey man, no problem. Just keep up the good work.

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CodeRedWP In reply to Cheesefritters [2010-08-21 03:07:08 +0000 UTC]

No prob, I just have a dark sense of humor, and this appealed to it. XD

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Cheesefritters In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-08-21 03:45:40 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha, I can relate. XD I'm glad.

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CodeRedWP In reply to Cheesefritters [2010-08-21 04:00:53 +0000 UTC]

I have a favor to ask, can you read over my fan-fic to see if I'm hitting all the right notes? I need to know if I'm going the right way.

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Cheesefritters In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-08-21 05:00:16 +0000 UTC]

I don't often read fanfiction, but at your request, I gave yours a glance over.

I like the curt, dark style, the snarky humor, and the bravado. I think this would be strengthened if we had a stronger connection with our hero- if we like him, it comes across as loveable and awesome- but if we don't, it can be rather irritating. I would work on giving Adam more background and motivation- especially in a story like this, where our hero isn't exactly an angel, we need something that keeps us on his side and rooting for him.

I'm not incredibly familiar with No More Heroes (played it a little, never got far), and I found the premise to this story rather confusing. I know he is set up to brutally murder 10 individuals, but why? What reward (other than the obvious status)? Is it worth it (really)?

Of course, maybe I'm taking this too seriously, and this is all a parody/satire, and therefore melodramatic.

I think structurally, it needs more editing. I don't think you actually spelled anything wrong (spellcheck win!), but there are a lot of cases where the wrong word is in place (ex; "defiantly" when you mean "definitely")

Your style needs a bit of polish, and you need to think a bit more about your characters' motivation and how you present them to your audience. You've got the beginnings of a snarky, lovable duo- they're just not quite there yet.

Nonetheless, you seem to have a lot of potential- when polished up some, I think you'll get your black-humored point across quite well.

ADVICE: Write what you love. Write for yourself. Don't try too hard to please or cater to anyone. Practice your fingers off.

There's my two cents. Just some stuff to think about. XD

Sorry if you didn't want an in-depth critique... that's always what I end up giving. XP

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CodeRedWP In reply to Cheesefritters [2010-08-21 05:42:24 +0000 UTC]

Hey, anything works. Chapter 4 will be a long one, as Adam will have to adapt to Viking culture. I'm sure I can put in some history there.

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Cheesefritters In reply to CodeRedWP [2010-08-21 05:50:24 +0000 UTC]

Well, good luck.

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CodeRedWP In reply to Cheesefritters [2010-08-21 12:48:04 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

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