greenman333 [2017-12-19 06:14:54 +0000 UTC]

halo, i saw you post a comment to an artist's work i follow, asking them to give you feedback on your writing. i'm an avid reader, so i thought i'd check it out.

my general critique is that there are a number of spelling and grammatical errors that should be fixed. grammar-wise, things like changing tense in the middle of a sentence, or switching it up too many times in one paragraph should be avoided.

story-wise, you have some talent that i look forward to seeing grow. there were times when i started to feel drawn in, but then you would give some backstory in a sentence or two, whereas it would have been better to extend that out and flesh it out a bit more.

amyways, keep it up - you have potential

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