bluedude67 In reply to amulet-shadow [2012-07-13 07:02:49 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the greatness that made me favorite! lol

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amulet-shadow In reply to bluedude67 [2012-07-13 14:37:19 +0000 UTC]

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bluedude67 In reply to inspiredcreativity [2012-07-12 19:40:17 +0000 UTC]

It would be wonderful if you could send my a note with a thumbnail list, it would help my research and my quest to understand myself and others like me.

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inspiredcreativity In reply to bluedude67 [2012-07-12 20:51:25 +0000 UTC]

Cool, I just sent it.

Do you have a specific area of research, topic or timeline in your GLBTQ research?

It looks like you are new to DA, so you may not know how to send a note. Let me know if you need help on how to do it or how to find Notes sent to you.

Are you unsure of your sexual Orientation or Sexual identity? If so, we can talk about it. You can feel attractions to both girls and boys and be primarily gay, or primarily straight. Who you ROMANTICALLY dream about or fantasize about is a huge clue. But what if you are not having any romantic desire, fantasy, or dreams? It is either because you are not old enough yet or no one has inspired you yet. After puberty starts, sexual desire happens first, followed later by romantic desire.

Sometimes feelings can get rather confused. I worked with a boy not long ago who thought he was straight and he thought he loved a girl. Then, newly 17, he suddenly starts getting gay fantasies and dreams and totally freaks out. In his case, he did love the girl, but as a friend. Both male and female freinds can confuse boys. I worked with a boy who turned out to be straight. He was questioning himself because he felt so close to his best buddy, and when they wrestled around he would get erections, which would actually be normal for straight guys his age.

The love we have for a best friend can feel a lot like romantic love. In some ways I love my best friend more than my husband of 22 years, but then I feel no physical spark with him, although he is really good looking. I can connect with him in ways I cannot with my partner. We cannot expect to be able to connect with our partners is all ways, which is why freinds are so important. Some couples fall-in-love and basically drop their freinds.

Chemical attraction between people might be confusing too. We all give off pheromones, which are chemical triggers for sexual attraction/desire. They are designed for genetic immune system diversity, so people closer to you in immunity systems (genetically) tend to not be as chemically desirable to you. If you are very close to the 100% Gay or Straight, then chemical attraction is only with the gender you are normally attracted to, but if you are a mix of gay and straight, you might get some chemical attraction to both genders. but in time you will realize that one gender is always more intense than the other. You might react to a person up to 50 feet away. You can read more about it here: THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE [link]

With my partner Greg,when i met him, I did not think he was very good looking and I felt zero chemistry with him. I needed a dance partner for the lesson that night and he was alone. I asked him if he would like to be my partner for the dance lesson, he said yes, then we had to figure out who would be top or bottom (leader or follower). I am very versatile and learned how to both lead and follow in latin dances, ballroom, two-step, west-coast swing, etc.

I enjoyed his company and after the class and a few dances, I asked him if he had any interest in pursuing a possible friendship. He was most reluctant, requiring me to give him my puppy dog look. I got his phone number. We got together a number of times for hiking, dancing, dinner, movie, a fair, etc. Again, I never felt any desire or physical attraction. We went canning one Saturday on Lake Crescent and we had a grand time of it. We got back to his place in late afternoon, and as we stood there, some sun broke through the clouds and fell across his face. Suddenly, I had this thought, "Wow, he kinda looks cute in this light," and then I realized I was as hard as a rock, and it was not cooperating in going down. I knew there is only one way you can go from not finding a guy attractive or sexy, to being cute and a big turn-on, and that is LOVE.

I talked to him about happened and asked him to think about the possibility of dating romantically. He got back to me in three days with a yes. We agreed on no sex until or if we ready to make it a long-term thing. Every time I tried to a get in stroke or squeeze he would slap my hand away, lol. We also got tested the nextweek, for HIV and full STD screen, swabs, etc. We then agreed to show each other the Lab results, as a sign of mutual respect for each other's health. In 6 months we did it all again to verify it (HIV has an incubation period of up to 6 months).

After dating for 5 months, we decided to commit to each other (Frankly, to do it again, it was too fast for both of us and we think a year would have been better). We made big deal of it. He got ferry tickets from Seattle to Victoria, Canada, I got theater tickets to Phantom of the Opera at the Queen Elizabeth theater, and we split the hotel room. We got ourselves all dressed-up and had a grand time at the show, then went for dinner, where a string quartet left their stage and came to serenade us (neither of us look gay, but we must have been obvious). Then back to the hotel to make love for the first time. It was all very romantic. This is us [link]

Sorry, I got carried away. My point was that you do not have to have chemistry to make a relationship work, although it is really nice when you have it. If you are an open person and able to fall in love with a person, despite a lack of physical attraction or chemical attraction, then the Love itself will create those attractions.

LOVE has three important functions in human sexuality: 1. Obviously love beings sexual intimacy to a whole new incredible level.
2. Love keeps sexuality with the same person, for a lifetime, from getting boring.
3. Love keeps your sexual partner looking handsome and sexy for a lifetime, despite the ravages of time and gravity, both of which are ever so cruel.

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