practicallyoblivious In reply to Boyrobin [2012-07-08 02:28:22 +0000 UTC]

Ok, so for a critique:
I really like the plot, it's interesting to have the entire group go on one huge mission together.
There are quite a few grammar errors, but those are easily overlooked.
During the rescue, I thought it was odd that you included all of the girls mumbling into their gags and then the boys asking if they wanted to be rescued. You could have just said the boy untied the girl.
I cant think of anything else, but its a really good story!

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Boyrobin In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-07-12 02:44:25 +0000 UTC]

I just wanted to tell you once again that I really apprichiate your critique of my Naruto story ^^. It was really nice to hear that from you ^_^

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practicallyoblivious In reply to Boyrobin [2012-07-12 03:40:14 +0000 UTC]

Haha, no problem! I love reading fanfiction because it is really interesting reading how people see the story and add to it.

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Boyrobin In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-07-12 09:40:01 +0000 UTC]

Did you like the kidnapping scene and the way they were struggling ? Also about the ending with all the guys and girls doing their thing was a little slow xD.

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practicallyoblivious In reply to Boyrobin [2012-07-13 04:24:09 +0000 UTC]

I really liked the kidnapping scene! Sometimes it's hard for me to think that trained ninjas can be take by surprise, but they are still human and can't see everything. So your kidnapping scene helped me remember that!

I think my main problem with the couple ending was that is was slow. It takes time to read so there is a bit of time between each girl's rescue when in reality it would all happen at the same time. Sadly, that's the problem with wanting to be specific about a scene with multiple actions going on, it's impossible to get right.

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Boyrobin In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-07-13 16:16:48 +0000 UTC]

The ending was dragged out I can agree. Yeah, those ninjas are human too xD.

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Boyrobin In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-07-08 13:52:27 +0000 UTC]

I wanted the ending to be something like a couple moment xD. NejiXTenten and so on :3. I'm happy that you liked it overall . English isn't my first language so that might explain some of the grammar errors . Please correct me if there is something in need to be corrected :

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practicallyoblivious In reply to Boyrobin [2012-07-13 04:36:32 +0000 UTC]

The few grammar errors I noticed that happened multiple times:
When you had dialogue you separated each sentence the characters said with quotation marks, even when there was only one character talking: "..."..."..." I think there are only supposed to be quotation marks at the beginning and end of a character's speech: "........"
And sometimes you'd have spelling errors like "The wall get destroyed" instead of "gets destroyed" and "man in the samurai armour tell his" -- "tells his"

I'm sorry if I sound mean and sound as if I'm finding tiny details. I don't mean to be! They really aren't that major of errors. I've read some fanfictions from native english speakers that have many more and worse errors than the ones you make - and you have a reason!

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Boyrobin In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-07-13 16:11:38 +0000 UTC]

You're not mean at all ^^. It's only helpful . Thank you !

Would you like to take fan fic and correct the spelling errors and things like the dialoge ? Since you seem to have a eye for details and the english language is your native language . (sorry for reapeting myself )

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practicallyoblivious In reply to Boyrobin [2012-07-18 00:57:18 +0000 UTC]

Sure! I'll try and do the best I can. But it'll probably have to wait until this Thursday or Saturday cause I still have school work to do, but I'll be done by Thursday.

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practicallyoblivious In reply to Boyrobin [2012-07-08 00:04:21 +0000 UTC]

Sure! I'm not a Naruto expert but I'll do my best!
And thanks for the watch!!

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Boyrobin In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-07-08 13:54:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! You're welcome by the way .

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GothicAnimeGirl In reply to GothicAnimeGirl [2012-06-11 13:11:56 +0000 UTC]

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practicallyoblivious In reply to GothicAnimeGirl [2012-06-07 17:07:46 +0000 UTC]

lol, cool! It sounds like you're hyper and excited

Oh hey. On monday at Kumon, kids gave me a lot of reading work and one kid who asked for my help on math eventually told me "You know you have on a nametag that says Jessica, right?" I laughed and told him "Yes, my name is Jessica." He was SSOOO confused until I told him I was your twin sister, and then he asked me a bunch of twin questions

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GothicAnimeGirl In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-06-09 20:21:24 +0000 UTC]

lol, that sounds funny, but i kinda expected it.
i really hope i dont have to work the thursday i get back....-__-

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practicallyoblivious In reply to GothicAnimeGirl [2012-06-12 23:39:10 +0000 UTC]

You'll have to work, unless you call MS Hsieh and tell her you're super jet-lagged. She's really looking forward to having you come back. She keeps telling me about her plans for you, for me, and for the others. You're her one real reading person.

A few days before Monday Ms Hsieh sent us all emails saying how she wants us to be much more productive than we have been. Then, on monday, about 5 kids show up with 2-3 weeks worth of homework and classwork.... 2-3 WEEKS!!!! And she wanted us to be more productive. I stayed until 7:30 and STILL couldn't finish the thick stack of homework

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GothicAnimeGirl In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-06-22 01:43:35 +0000 UTC]

yea she forgets that we arent perfect
and that kids go on vacation and she still gives them homework and expects us to grade it....

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GothicAnimeGirl In reply to witchofoz93 [2012-06-06 20:33:14 +0000 UTC]

i am!

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witchofoz93 In reply to GothicAnimeGirl [2012-06-08 06:32:45 +0000 UTC]

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practicallyoblivious In reply to GothicAnimeGirl [2012-04-04 04:23:44 +0000 UTC]

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practicallyoblivious In reply to witchofoz93 [2012-03-31 05:53:39 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much

Oh! you're going to love this shirt I got, it's wonderful, you'll laugh
I'm going to wear it on monday to show everyone, I love it!

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witchofoz93 In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-04-01 04:07:17 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! And I can't wait to see it! Is it another math one?

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practicallyoblivious In reply to GothicAnimeGirl [2011-12-31 01:17:03 +0000 UTC]

poisonous adorable pokemon

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GothicAnimeGirl In reply to practicallyoblivious [2011-12-31 04:22:48 +0000 UTC]

yep

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practicallyoblivious In reply to luverofcute727 [2011-12-19 04:38:35 +0000 UTC]

When did you send it?
And I'm so happy to hear from you!!!! I was starting to think of writing another letter to you. How are you? XD

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luverofcute727 In reply to practicallyoblivious [2011-12-19 05:27:35 +0000 UTC]

You haven't gotten it yet!?!?!
OH NOES!
I sent it last Thursday!

I hope you get it soon

BUT YEA!!! Oh my gosh I have missed talking to you SO much it's crazy. My life is insane right now and I have felt so bad about not being able to talk to you I really do miss you. How are you?! Tell me things!

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practicallyoblivious In reply to luverofcute727 [2011-12-20 02:43:18 +0000 UTC]

I got it when i got home today! ! Oh my goodness! At first I was just stressed over doing badly on a test and essay, and then my mom told me about the package!! XD XD XD I WAS SSOOOO HAPPY!!!!

I missed talking to you too. My life is pretty crazy now too, but probably not as crazy as yours. I've been crazy busy, I have 4 AP classes with homework, I tutor 3 afternoons a week, and now more extracurricular stuff is starting and I'm getting scared about handling it all Plus, I'm busy doing scholarships whenever I have time, and they make me hope for the best, when I know I'm not likely to get the money
So how've you been? I want to know.

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luverofcute727 In reply to practicallyoblivious [2011-12-21 05:33:04 +0000 UTC]

AH!!! (lol I actually screamed of happiness ) I'm glad it could make your day a little better, it's the least I could do

And lol your life sounds a lot crazier, I'm just mentally fragile and overreact to everything University is freaking me out too :S I dont know what to do!!!
I'm sure you'll do fine, you're super smart and know where you're going

I have been alright, freaking about my CPT's (their big projects worth 15% of our mark) like a philosophy one that is literally ANYTHING that we have to "treat philosophically" and work on it for a minimum of 15 hours lol but I've got a pretty good thing going but it's due thursday I'll tell you more about it later if you want.

But aside from that it's typical guy stuff and random Sam issues that include obsessing over random things

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practicallyoblivious In reply to luverofcute727 [2011-12-22 04:18:41 +0000 UTC]

well it certainly did, this week's been a mixture of relaxing, stressing over studying/finals, and normal end-of-semester weirdness

Well it's crazy only because i gave myself too much to do this year, my mom and sis warned me when i was signing up for everything, but i ignored them
And I may be kinda smart, but that doesn't help in our university situations here the idiotic governer and idiotic university systems are making it more and more expensive to go to college and harder to get in - and I'm planning on going to community college so I'll have trouble getting classes for 2 years (I HATE overcrowding...)

Geez, those CPT's sound horrible, especially the philosophy one, what does it all include? It sounds very hard and confusing

well at least you have guys stuff, sometimes i think no guy around here will every like me as more than a friend/girl in class Idk if that's just my over-busy schedule talking though...

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luverofcute727 In reply to practicallyoblivious [2011-12-24 04:34:42 +0000 UTC]

Ya well I am OFFICIALLY on vacation until January 9th But I know what you mean

Aww ya, my dad excessively warned me not to put too much on my plate and just focus on schoolwork. I wasn't even allowed to get a job. And that sucks, here if you take AP classes and apply to university you get all the early acceptances. But you should be fine You have a good head on your shoulders

It was. He pretty much said "do a project on anything. Just treat it philosophically (whatever that means). Oh and run with it for 15 hours minimum."

It was horrid. My "little interviews" ended up becoming a 40 minute film!

Oh don't worry, all the guys here think of me as some girl or a really good friend. It sucks, especially when it comes to that John guy I told you about. I don't think he'll ever see me as anything more. :/

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practicallyoblivious In reply to luverofcute727 [2011-12-31 01:14:45 +0000 UTC]

Hey! We're on vacation until then too! Wow, I didn't think our school did anything in sync with other places, even other towns in our own country

My mom warned me too, but I didn't listen Here, if you take AP classes it mostly means that you are smart and don't like the dumbed down classes, our non-AP classes are often too easy for people but AP classes are too hard. But I am glad that I will do well in college (even if I have to work hard to get classes)

Geez, that's the worst kind of project, I hate it when teachers don't fully explain a project. But it almost sounds like our old senior projects (except for the philosophical part). We had to choose a project topic and spend hours doing a project and talking to someone who is a porfessional in that topic I am very thankful they got rid of it

Awww, well I'm sure you'll find a guy who doesn't see you as just a friend but as someone truly wonderful like you are.

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luverofcute727 In reply to practicallyoblivious [2012-01-08 04:56:50 +0000 UTC]

Nice! Vacations really are the best~ hehe. But that is odd. Our schedules are like never the same

That was the issue with me when I was in AP but not I'm struggling even in the one level down classes And you'll do amazing in college, I just know it

It really was. Even the AP kids were driven mad with it (there is no AP philosophy so they get mixed in with those one level down )
and ya, be glad they got rid of it

I really do hope so. At this time, it really is just better to wait until college when there will be more people with common interests and stuff

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