nosedivve [2013-07-14 23:56:20 +0000 UTC]

I have a question - is there a significance behind capitalizing the first letter of the first word in the line sometimes and not capitalizing 'i'?. I'm only curious.

Your rhyme scheme is definitely lovely, but there are two rhymes that seem to sound a little forced to me: 'now flies a moth' doesn't seem to make sense to me, feel free to explain please & 'that once were we' because people don't usually say something like that. The latter is okay though because people have written poems that have word choices like that and it fits alright here. The only problem I have is with the former because I can't seem to make sense of it.

The verb tenses change in the poem a bit. I don't know if you think that's a problem or not, but I pointed it out in case you're like me and tries to keep one tense in the poem at a time. I don't know if there's anything wrong with tense changes, so.

There is a lot of great imagery in this! It was almost like I was experiencing it in a way, which is hard to accomplish in a poem. Overall, I think you wrote a pretty good poem.

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3PenProblem [2013-01-15 22:27:45 +0000 UTC]

Many thanks! You are very kind. I don't write much poetry but as you know a place like the Dinorwic quarry inspires all sorts of creative juices to flow.

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destinyeternity [2013-01-15 17:41:22 +0000 UTC]

Ya know before I read your comment I immediately thought of Dinorwic, that wonderful little building at the top with all the writing on the wall and the coats and boots left by the quarrymen.
This beautiful poem is going straight into my faves

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