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Batman has a Problem

Prologue: Why Things Change

(POV: Bruce Wayne/Batman)

Batman barely managed to get to his feet, unsure if he could handle this after the, well, insane night he’s had up to this point.

The Joker had taken the mayor of Gotham hostage, but had been surprisingly easy to neutralize and get back to Arkham Asylum. But as it turns out, that was only the beginning of this crazy night.

Turns out the Clown Prince of Crime had a plan to rule over Arkham AND take out the Batman all in one, with his ever faithful ‘sidekick’ Harley Quinn taking over all the cameras and doors, releasing all the insane subjects and causing hell as supervillains came as well.

Victor Zsasz the serial killer, Killer Croc the hulking beast, Poison Ivy the ecoterrorist with control over plants, Bane the supersteroided hulk, and Scarecrow the crazed scientist who had a chemical that could unlock the deepest fears of the psyche.

He had knocked out Zsasz, run over Bane with the Batmobile, Scarecrow had been eaten by Croc (After he had dosed him with more than enough fear toxin to kill a lesser man), Croc had fallen into a chasm after chasing him through the sewers, he had fought a bunch of Bane-like Titans thanks to Joker finding a special formula that upgraded Venom. He even gave it to Poison Ivy, who had nearly killed him AND destroyed the entire island.

At this point his suit was practically shredded, he could feel his entire body becoming a walking bruise even as he panted. Walls had dropped on him, he had been flung around, he had been stabbed, shot, punched, injected with toxins, tased, tangled in thorns, he was a mess.

And now Joker had given himself a huge amount of the drug Titan, becoming a massive monster with claws bigger than his head and muscles bigger than Bane. It was grotesque, and he knew he was in trouble as he barely avoided the slashes.

“C’mon Bats, take a STAB at fighting me mano a bato!” He quipped in a gruff voice, before being distracted by a helicopter coming close. “Boys, keep Batty busy, I need to address my adoring public!” He jumped up to a higher ground as more of Joker’s thugs appeared, brandishing knives, stun guns, pipes, and other various blunt or sharp or just plain painful objects they could find.

It came to no surprise for him or any of the news choppers circling about that he had taken out the thugs with ease. What did surprise him was Harley Quinn showing up, glaring at him as if he had just murdered her puppy.

Normally it was to be expected that the ex psychiatrist would follow Joker around like a lost puppy, but he had just locked her up two hours or so ago, so it was rather shocking.

Ignoring her for the moment (Despite her enhanced strength, reflexes, and speed, she wasn’t all that much of a threat to him), he used his Batclaw to pull Joker down to his level with the full intention of laying in a beatdown.

Instead, even he couldn’t have planned for what happened. Harley distracted him by swinging her mallet until Joke pulled his massive claws free, eager to gore Batman, though to his shock he lunged at Harley first.

“You idiot! He’s mine to kill!” He roared, cackling in a bestial manner, and Bruce knew he had to act fast, his body moving on its own.

He shoved Harley out of the way, grunting in pain as the claws just barely grazed his chest, carving through the suit and tearing at his skin. He did manage to land a crack on his manic foe before jumping backwards.

The fight, more accurate to call it a dodge and punch fest, continued between the duo until finally Batman struck him down with a fist that had Explosive Gel on it, knocking the Joker out finally, and he limped off to check on Commissioner Gordon, fully unaware that Harley Quinn had remained after the attempted strike… and of the almost literal hearts in her eyes as she watched him leave…

(POV: Harley Quinn)

No… No… No this wasn’t right! Mistah J had tried to kill her? He had to have been aiming for the Bat, right?

But… she couldn’t believe that. He had turned on her, he had a chance to lunge at Batman, but he had gone for her instead.

And Batman had saved her life.

She twirled a pigtail and sighed, alone in her cell in BlackGate as they awaited the repairs to the Asylum. To the surprise of the officials she had come quietly, instead of fighting to be by the side of her Puddin’ as he was sent to the hospital.

It was giving her plenty of time alone to think. And she was NOT liking the conclusions her addled brain was reaching.

Mistah J… Joker… was a horrible being. She had been completely and utterly loyal to him through thick and thin ever since her acid bath, and even before that, but he had treated her so awfully. Throwing her around, snapping at her, treating her like trash, ignoring her, and that wasn’t even counting all the awful things he did to people!

But then Batman had swooped out of nowhere and managed to save her when the person she cared about more than anything tried to kill her.

Now that she thought about it, Batman always helped her out. He would hold back whenever they fight, and he had even tried to reason with her many a time when he had an oppurtunity.

She shuddered as something that she knew was a memory but felt and looked like a dream flashed into her. She had met Batman once in a non violent setting, or Harleen Quinzel had anyway. He had wished her luck in being Joker’s psychiatrist before vanishing into thin air.

She REALLY should have listened to him, and now she was dead. And Harley Quinn was bouncing around in her acid-bleached body.

She tried not to think about it too much, it always managed to bum her out.

She shook off the train of thought, back to Batman.

He seemed to care and actually intended to help everyone, hoping that rehabilitation was possible no matter what people have done before. Everyone from Scarecrow to Joker- her Puddin’ she reminded herself- to even her was put somewhere where they could get the help they needed. No one was ever really willing, but B-Man tried his best.

Especially when it comes to Talia al Ghul and Catwoman a bitter voice whispered in her ear, forming a heavy feeling in her breast that almost made her jump off her bed.

“Why would I care ‘bout who B-Man’s got the hots for?” Her pout was audible in her voice as she tried to figure it out. “Probably just breast envy or somethin’, those two sure have curves…” She tried to rationalize it as such, after all compared to the Ds of Ivy and Cat, and the DDs of Talia, her BBs didn’t seem like much. Not that she minded more often than not!

It’s just because B-Man likes busty girls… The voice whispered again, and she shook her head, pigtails coming loose and letting her blonde hair fall.

“Well screw that, I’m Mistah J’s girl anyway…”

You don’t sound convinced… It whispered in response, and to her horror it was right, she really wasn’t sure of that anymore.

“...Shaddup. He’s my Puddin’, not that Bat Freak.”

It’s called compassion Harley. You know what that is, what it means. Does Joker or Batman have it? Or treat you with it?

“No no no. I can’t like B-Man… I can’t…” She curled up into herself, even as that odd part of her kept flashing reason after reason until soon, she believed it.

She loved Batman, and he loved her. He just had to, he was always so sweet and kind with her! And she’d do anything for him, including finding a way to widen her curves a bit.

Icy blue eyes found the meal they had left her, and the Clown Queen went to sleep with a smile on her face and a stuffed full belly, pooching ever so slightly out to show a tiny bloat.