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Tyler is debonair. In a way. Well, sort of. He has his moments. But when it rains, it pours, and in jeans and a Karl Kani t-shirt he still acts like he's in a tux. Not even a rented tux. A tux he bought. Figuratively.

He'll pull out chairs, and hold doors, you know, but it's more than that. It's the voice, the faux-British accent that only partially sounds unnatural. It's the lack of facial expression, and the semi-monotone wordage as well. His turn of phrase because very interesting, to say the least.

The person he entertains the most with his suave attitude is his little sister. She's about four, that age where even the slightest flattery evokes a bright red blush, as he asks her things like "May I escort you to the dining room?" and "Might I interest you in a grilled cheese sandwich?" And even though the sandwich always ends up burned (or maybe that is just the cherry on top), little tiny Lily always ends up in fits of laughter.

When these gentlemanly manners strike outside, in the backyard, Lily makes Tyler pretend that she is a pirate queen and he is her steadfast servant. Thus far they have conquered all of South America and are making good progress on their campaigns in Africa. After that, she says, it's off to Australia.

They always win, of course. That's the best part.

Tyler's of driving age, so he comes to get Lily from pre-k. He always amuses her teachers, who are both named Maria. It's odd, yeah. But anyways, they've started to look forward to seeing him, and every so often they stay a couple minutes late and talk a while, while Lily finishes the dolphin puzzle again. It's her favorite, you know.

Tyler's not a bad driver, not really. He's just very aggressive. Five over the limit is still slow for him. Of course he's a little more careful with Lily in the back, strapped into her booster seat (you don't realize how uncomfortable they are until you don't have to use them). And he always drives with the windows open, who cares about gas mileage. So Lily does hear the names hurled at him due to his aggressive driving.

"Why do they call you that?"

"What? Wait. Don't say them."

"But why?"

"Cos they're lame." That should do it.

"Don't they hurt?"

"What hurt."

"The names. Don't they make you sad?"

"Lily, this phrase is very trite and overdone, but try to remember it: 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.'"

She thinks, and then sounding too old says, "That makes sense."

Not really, but he won't tell her that.

Lily's got this dress from Halloween age four, a replica of the one Mulan wore in the matchmaker scene. She's not allowed to wear it outside of the house but on rainy days she'll pull it out and parade around. He should never have let her see Pirates of the Caribbean.

However, today is Lily's fifth birthday, and she begged and pleaded, and of course Tyler eventually said yes, go ahead, wear it to school. He's sure no one will mind, and this year will in all likelihood be the last for this kind of thing.

She's so full of life today that he has no regrets concerning the ordeal.

At around 2 o'clock he heads over to pick her up and gets out to go talk to Marias I and II. They are consoling Lily in a corner, and before he has time to think about how much his heart is hurting, without a word he scoops her up and carries her to the car.

They stop by the duck pond, and Tyler gets Lily and the bat he carries for the geese (just kidding, sort of). They sit on the grass for a while, Lily cradled against Tyler's side. Finally she says, sullen as can be, "I thought names weren't supposed to hurt."

Oh shit. "Well, um, sometimes they do, and there's not a lot we can do about it."

"I thought you said-"

"I know, sticks and stones." It obviously didn't work.

He always knew it was a stupid saying.