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Published: 2011-05-30 01:24:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 202827; Favourites: 2374; Downloads: 955
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I apologize in advanced for any spelling or grammatical errors -- while I did read over this twice, I may have missed something. Sorry!"The December wind wrapped itself around the two as they briskly made their way down the crowded sidewalk. They didn't mind the cold all too much for their sheer excitement kept them warm. A mother and a son had traversed into the Inner Sanctum of the Main City to prepare for the festivities. It was the 20th, and on the 21st a world-wide celebration would ring out in glory of their leader's name and birthday. It wasn't just a celebration for him, as on the 21st everyone shared in on the gift giving and good will spreading amongst their friends and loved ones. The mother and son, however, had missed out on their shopping and were forced to rush and see what they could get the night before.
"Every corner they turned and every step they took left them visually bombarded with fantastic, glowing displays of old time toys and new wave technology. Adding to the light were the countless souls that hung high in the sky: small blue and orange orbs of life that floated lazily up to their judgment. Waves of people passed them by, either dressed extravagantly in the season's colors of gold and red, or clad in black and white attire. Compared to everyone else, the mother and son looked rather mediocre. They shared the same raven-black hair, though hers fell in loose curls and his in choppy waves, and they both had stunning yellow eyes that seemed to carry a light of their own, even amidst the shops' glow. Warmly snug in simple coats and boots and maroon-colored scarves, the two often whispered and laughed to each other at how strange just some of these demons' fashion senses were.
"They walked and they walked, stopping at store front and store front, peeking in every so often, until his mother wore three bags on her arm -- two on her left and one on her right. He carried a bag himself, all of them holding trinkets, ornaments and gifts for their extended family. The night was still young and the two decided to sight-see for just a little longer. After all, this was their first trip into the Inner Sanctum. For most of their needs, they went to facilities located in the Seven Providences, as the Inner Sanctum was much too long of a trip to take.
"Though, this first trip carried with them ignorant bliss of the dangers that lurked around every corner in the seedier parts of town. Their lord had done the best he could with keeping petty criminals at bay, but some still slipped through his law enforcement's grasp. The poor mother, and the poor son, would fall into the cruel hands of fate that night. Soon the streets became like mazes and they found themselves disoriented and lost, without a single soul on the street besides their own. Of course, out on the streets there were none, but hidden in the depths of the alleyways, rotten, orange souls crept.
"Two low-life thugs were sprawled out amongst the heaps of garbage and cardboard boxes that littered the alley. When they caught sight of the two confused newcomers walking past their turf, their eyes widened, their gaits twisted, and their hearts began to pound. With quick movements the demons sprung from their dismal depression and fled on foot towards the mother and son. Quickly drawing knives to their backs, they forced the two back into the inky depths of the trash-ridden corridor where, if anyone could have saved them before, they certainly couldn't be saved now.
"The older of the criminals kept his knife at the mother's neck while he demanded that she place any jewelry of value she wore into the largest of the bags she carried, along with her money and presents. The younger mugger made the son empty his pockets of any little change he had, and after inspecting his bag and finding nothing of amazing value, simply kept an eye on him to make sure he wouldn't run.
"Once the veteran crook had nabbed up the heavy bag brimming with stolen goods, they began to walk backwards towards the exit of the alleyway, holding their knives in front of them as if their victims would charge at them any moment to try to take back what was theirs. Suddenly, the older stopped in his steps, a confounded look on his face. When the other inquired as to why, the crook vocalized his worries about the police. Surely as soon as they left, the mother and son would report what happened. Within a minute's notice that section of town would be gridded and surrounded and they would be trapped and at the mercy of their lord's enforcement.
"The youngest swallowed a nervous lump in his throat, shifting the weight of his blade around as he questioned whether or not they were to kill their victims. The mother let out a sharp gasp, and the son's knees grew weak. They were but powerless demons of only average strength and speed. Human ancestry had muddied their powers to nothing, and they stood no chance against their attackers. The older of the two gave a subtle nod. With a drop of their stolen bag, the two charged forward. The mother let out a terrified shriek and turned heel, running down into the darkness of the alley as their only sure escape path was blocked.
"He hesitated for only a moment, but knew what he had to do, or at what he had to try, at least. The son raced forward, his mind starting to black out and letting his rash heart take over. He caught the youngest crook with a right hook to his stomach, making him falter in his steps as the older one raced after his mother. The son tried to hold him back, but his speed and the strength he received from the adrenaline were starting to fail him. Back on his wits, the robber slashed at the boy's torso and threw him off, quickly following after his partner in crime into the darkness.
"The son clutched at his chest to feel the warm liquid rush to meet his hands. The blade had sliced through his clothing as easily as it did his skin, sailing through both material and flesh as if it were butter. The gash reached from his upper left chest to his right hip and was deeper than he had at first perceived. He gasped for air as the pain seemed to constrict his lungs and started to stagger out of the alley. The mixture of white noise that rang in his ears and the pounding of his own heart deafened his ears to the wailing shriek that came from his mother.
"Just as he reached the street, he dropped to his knees, unable to continue on. His hope was shattered and he was losing his blood, and fast. He probably would have died right there if this next event had not happened -- A single person was walking on those deserted streets that night. That single person was his Lord, Skye.
"He was considerably dressed down from his normal, garish attire. Just a simple coat that reached to about his knees, and black pants that peeked out from under leather boots. His tail waved back and forth in a rhythmic pattern as he simply stared down at the bloodied heap of a boy with curiosity. The son took a shaking hand and clasped it on the heel of his lord's boot, struggling to form the words of his plea. After a few failed attempts, he was finally able to convey his mother's plight. Skye had simply watched him, unmoving, saying not a word -- but he cracked a smile, a terrible, grotesque thing that seemed so foreign on his face. He told the dying boy to just give him a moment and not to move -- not like he could have run away if he even wanted to -- and the monochromtic demon slipped into a tar like state, zipping into the shadows and melding with them.
"Only five or so seconds later,though they seemed a life time to the son, two distinguishable yells echoed through the trash-ridden hallway, and the son instantly recognized the voices as the criminals'. Surely enough, two loud thumps came from behind him. He quickly turned his head to take in the horror, or perhaps the sweet justice, of the sight. The mangled body of his and his mother's assaulters were sprawled carelessly on the ground -- their faces were unidentifiable and chunks seemed to be torn out from them. Above lingered Skye, tugging carefully at his blood soaked gloves, making sure that none of the red liquid had gotten on his mock skin.
"For a moment, the sight made him forget all about the pain -- it made his mind feel numb and fuzzy and his stomach feel as if it had turned over and inside out. He choked down the urge of puking, and his lord casually mentioned that if he couldn't bear this sight, he shouldn't dare think about seeing his mother. This comment startled him back into reality. The numbness subsided and the pain returned-- both physically and of heart ache.
"He began to beg to his lord once more to help him. He didn't care about his dwindling life -- he asked for Skye to help his mother. In a disillusioned state, he believed that she was still alive. Perhaps -- brutally maimed, but still alive. The son told him he didn't care about his wounds, but pleaded for his mother's immediate aid. A moment of terrible silence brought about another terrible smile. Skye agreed once more, but now for a price. In exchange for saving his mother, Skye asked for his servitude. Only for but a year or two. The son agreed without hesitation. If anything, Skye himself asking for a commoner's service was a high honor.
"The demon held his bloodstained, gloved hand for the boy to shake on and seal their deal. The son reached out with enormous effort and grasped it. He felt a yanking sensation grow from behind his brain and throat. His whole body began to tingle and he began to feel a sensation of weightlessness. Skye began to fall backwards into the building's shadow, dragging the son along with him. In a blink of an eye the darkness began to suck them both in. It was a method of travel Skye was able to access, and only a few other demons could as well.
"To this day -- the son remembers the next scene with disgusting clarity. As the darkness enveloped them, they continued into their downwards fall with Skye's hand still clasped firmly around his. Wind rushed past the poor boy's face, letting his hair fly back and his eyes wide open to a horrible, disgusting face. The snow white "skin" that composed Skye's face tore off in chunks and pushed his eye patch off, letting a black tar-like substance take its place. Two large, swirling vortexes of white light took the place of his eyes. Where these new eyes touched the black and almost liquid composition of his skin, they seemed to fight. The eyes tried to expand and almost devour his face, but the tar kept pushing them at bay, causing a swirling motion. The cunning grin turned into a gaping mouth of the same intense white light that his eyes. The substance clung in thin columns from this odd mouth, causing an effect of a smile composed of bright white ovals. Slits began to form on his horns, and suddenly, all at once, they burst open to reveal black, sharp teeth. In unison once more, they opened up to reveal black and white iris eyes, swiveling mad in their mouth-sockets.
"The sight only lasted for a blink of an eye. Before he had time to fully take in what had happened, he was pulled upright from the darkness into Skye's personal office. Skye regained his normal form, eye patch and all, and let go of his hand. It caused the son to collapse to the floor and begin to convulse violently, with nothing coming up successfully. The physical stress of his wound and the fact his body had just been pulled through a nearly-impossible method of travel for regulars such as himself, coupled with seeing what he believed to be the 'true face' of his lord -- it was simply too much."
Deadbird stopped his story. The petting of a large raven that rested on his forearm subsided. He pressed his legs closer to his chest and rested his chin on his knees, taking in his surroundings with wide eyes.
He sat on top of a pile of corpses stripped clean of clothing. Most of them had their chests ripped open and their inner organs tossed carelessly about. The pile he rested on was the highest of them all, and could oversee an ocean of bodies below him, with other piles forming. The bodies closest to the bottom were nearly skeletons, with maggots and worms cleaning out the little flesh that still clung to their bones. even below those bodies was a carpet of picked-clean skeletons, completely obscuring the floor. In every direction he looked, there seemed to be no end -- even the ceiling above him located at about 500 feet seemed barely visible through a hazy, red fog that obscured the far distances of the massive tomb. The occasional torch was jammed into the bodies here and there with their eternal flames flickering. Besides Dead Bird's raven, a murder of about fifty crows sat close to Deadbird, listening to his story. Or so -- he liked to think that they were. They simply sat there, staring at him, with the occasional twitch of their heads or wings, but they never made a sound. That's why he preferred to talk to them, because they never talked back.
Deadbird leaned against his crooked scythe that was stuck into the pile behind him and resumed to pet the raven.
"The son heard his lord laugh, even through his volatile retching. As he paced around his circular office, he babbled about how the soul was the most delicious if extracted in a terrified state. In quick strides he made his way over to the boy and squatted down to face him eye to eye. With a rough shove of his hand, he grabbed the boy's raven hair and yanked his head up and threw him back into a sitting position. Skye drew his free hand back and flexed his fingers. With one swift movement he thrust his hand forward and pierced into the son's flesh wound with blinding speed, straight into his chest cavity, and grasped onto something located between his heart, lungs, and nestled within his ribcage. He pulled his hand back out and let go of the boy's hair, leaving his limp shell of a body fall to the floor with a splatter of blood.
"In his hand, Skye held a small, blue orb with a light blue aura flickering around it. He pinched it in between his thumb and middle finger, raising it above his head delicately. He opened his jaw to such an extent that caused the sides of his mouth to split open, letting a black ooze seep out from their holes. A long, black tongue slithered out and curled around the sphere and his fingers. Immediately as his tongue touched the soul, its blue color drained and was replaced with a dull gray to prevent it from burning him. This desaturation only seemed to happen with souls, almost a partial defense mechanism of his body since he needed a handful of these life forces a day to keep his power at maximum.
"But he hesitated. His tongue uncurled from the sphere and he closed his mouth, bringing the soul close to eye level. He glanced from it, to the lifeless body of the boy, back to the soul, and then over to the window that engulfed half of his circular office. He tossed the orb into the air and caught it again several times as he made his way over to it. Artificial light was pumped into the window at this time of night from the several blinding advertisement screens plastered on the buildings on the street. During the daytime, however, he kept the window behind a thick, black drape. A beautiful, scenic shot of his city rated less than being safe from the sun's harmful rays."
Dead Bird stopped again and sat upright. Another group of crows landed around him from distances beyond.
"But, I digress.
"His favorite bird had died that day -- a majestic thing, it was. A large carrion crow that challenged the size of a hawk. It was his favorite to send out on surveillance missions and messages, and perhaps he even though of it as a beloved pet. Regardless, its age had gotten the best of it and unlike Skye, it wasn't impervious to the kiss of death. Its corpse still sat upon its perch by the window, its cold talons clutching the wooden post fiercely, even in death. Skye had watched its orange soul pass through the glass and travel up into the sky earlier that morning -- and couldn't bear to part with it physically just yet.
"On a whim, he wondered if he could put a new soul into its empty shell. The worse, he figured, is that the new soul wouldn't take. He tore a small piece of the soul out from the main sphere and tucked it away in his coat's pocket. The soul shivered at its loss, but soon regained its spherical form. He pressed the boy's bright blue life force against the bird's chest and, much to the lord's delight, it took.
" After the soul vanished into the bird's feathers, it began to re-animate. Its wings twitched, its beak snapped, and its eyes blinked rapidly. Skye exclaimed joys like nobody had heard before, and he urged the bird to climb upon his arm. It did as it was told.
"Jubilation lasted for but a short, sweet time. Soon the bird's twitching began to increase and it flew from its master's arm and landed clumsily on the floor, appearing as it had been thrown into an epileptic shock. Horrified, Skye could only watch and wonder if the body was rejecting the soul. But something more...interesting happened.
"The raven's body began to dissolve into a black, liquid mess. From that liquid, a hand emerged, pulling out a half-formed body that shivered and twitched upon the floor. It soon began to harden into an actual form. Separate fingers emerged with the same paleness of its master's. Along with a face, a tragic looking face, with eyes no one could ever mistake for a humans. Black in base with a red ring for an iris and a white "x" as its pupil."
For the third time Deadbird stopped his story. He lifted his hands in front of him and examined them. The raven that rested on his forearm shuffled its way up to sit on his shoulder. His wrist gave a twitch that he ignored. He often twitched, his jaw often snapped and popped as he talked, and his joints often stiffened if he tried to make expressive hand gestures.
"And I became this. He doesn't know what I am, and neither do I. I'm simply forced to work under his every whim and command for the rest of my new life -- or until I'm able to retrieve that part of my soul he stole. If I could get it -- maybe I could rest in peace. I retained my memories though, but i gained the memories of his bird as well. I'm not sure which are my own or its, at this point."
His neck suddenly snapped to the side as he continued to look at his hands, which gave the bird on his shoulder a jump. Deadbird's face retained the same, emotionless look.
"He gave me a job, he gave me a new name, he gave me a new purpose. And I hate it. A lying son of a bitch, he is. But I cannot defy him. I cannot tell anyone the truth. I simply have to sit here and wait for his command. At time's I feel unnaturally loyal to him -- I fear that means the bird's mentality is taking over my own. But how can it? It's soul flew off far away -- shouldn't its memories and mannerisms have gone with it?."
Deadbird's neck snapped back into its normal position. The crows seemed to become unsettled.
"I don't understand it. I don't understand what I am, why I am -- I don't even believe my lord knows either. I am but an asset to his benefit, I suppose. An asset he can't afford to loose, so he keeps part of my soul close. It's terribly ironic, I go about harvesting souls to feed his gluttonous hunger for power. I am doing unto others what he did to me-- Am I repeating myself? I feel like I am."
A low hum started to resonate through the air. Deadbird, along with the crows and the raven lifted their heads to the hazy ceiling. Skye was calling for him. Still in his more human appearance, Deadbird let out a shrieking caw the resonated through the chamber. The crows answered him back in unison and began to take off in a flurry of feathers. He stood up and grasped his scythe, yanking it out from the mass of bodies beneath him. Jet black wings appeared on his back in a small explosion of red light. With a single flap he began to soar through the red haze with the murder of crows about him; the raven following swiftly along.
A small girl stood unseen, clutching the side of a half-devoured body, watching Dead Bird as he flew off for the ceiling's exit. Her black hair was tied into neat, even ponytails, and her white dress was terribly bloodstained from walking through the field of decay. Her face wore an oddly determined look on it.
"Ohhh, I knew that bird was ungrateful! He bites the hand who feeds him with his words. I must tell Skye...that dumb bird! His voice is so annoying, I'm glad he doesn't speak much. But Sammy Ann must go and tell Skye of this stupid bird's ramblings!"
With a huff, she turned around and began to storm off through the red haze in the opposite direction, her delicately polished dress shoes making a sickening crunch against the bone and flesh beneath her feet.
Related content
Comments: 202
OtakuFangirl1200 [2014-11-15 19:38:52 +0000 UTC]
oh my... that must've taken a heck of a lot of effort have a good day!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RickWrites [2014-07-16 18:44:12 +0000 UTC]
Good piece, well written and engaging, I haven't seen many instances of using a story within a story as a sort of prologue/ flashback but you've done it really well here!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
bobbyws2 [2014-01-28 02:48:43 +0000 UTC]
How do you submit literature I have a story and can't submit it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
xxlasferaxx [2013-11-15 23:41:49 +0000 UTC]
WARNING! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning!
Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental
hospital, because she killed her mom and her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the
staff in the hospital so the More-government decided that best idea was to get rid of her so
they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the
machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died.
Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on
a Monday night at 12:00 a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you
and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and
she will haunt someone else who doesn't. This isn't fake. apparently, if you copy and paste
this to ten comments in the next ten minutes you will have the best day of your life tomorrow.You
will either get kissed or asked out, if you break this chain u will see a little dead girl in youReply
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TheEpicMasterOfParis [2013-11-13 20:31:51 +0000 UTC]
WARNING! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning!
Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental
hospital, because she killed her mom and her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the
staff in the hospital so the More-government decided that best idea was to get rid of her so
they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the
machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died.
Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on
a Monday night at 12:00 a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you
and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and
she will haunt someone else who doesn't. This isn't fake. apparently, if you copy and paste
this to ten comments in the next ten minutes you will have the best day of your life tomorrow.You
will either get kissed or asked out, if you break this chain u will see a little dead girl in youReply
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
hulvius [2013-07-10 01:42:15 +0000 UTC]
I had tried everything this was my opportunity knocking at the door ive finally reached the top youll see what I mean
[link]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ikarishinji80 [2013-07-08 23:59:46 +0000 UTC]
Make money with just a computer and an internet
[link]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Sistalem [2013-07-07 21:00:05 +0000 UTC]
Redhead Magazine is accepting short fantasy submissions at [link] - I thought you might be interested. Nice story, by the way.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
xXunovianXx [2013-07-03 23:37:12 +0000 UTC]
Do you know how to put a preview image for a literature deviation using the new sta.sh submit screen?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
lisalisaDHBXHI [2013-04-08 14:14:22 +0000 UTC]
Yo deviants, I just got an IPAD for free in the mail, not the new one but still not bad for free! Just make sure you choose white since no one else chooses those, you'll get one for sure! [link] ?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ihateyou109 [2013-01-24 00:03:02 +0000 UTC]
DEADBIRD YOU POOR BABY COME HERE AND LET ME LOVE YOU!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Asrath [2013-01-18 18:28:52 +0000 UTC]
Usually I hardly read stories on DA, I'm too lazy to bother the effort. Let alone rather long ones like this, but it was so captivating I just HAD to read on! Well done! A well deserved front page!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ronsan911 [2013-01-15 05:23:16 +0000 UTC]
Well I had to look this up because after using Akinator a few times to try and get someone, every time it kept saying this. I typed this part before reading so i'm gonna do that now.
Well I must admit it was rather a interesting story, surprised none the less by the literature. First person past tense is very enjoyable, I just couldn't understand why they were in quotation marks until their "real-time" kicked in.
But none the less not what I got here for. I guess i'll never know why the person I was looking for kept turning out to be deadbird.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Arashi-Howaito [2012-11-08 21:43:03 +0000 UTC]
this
is
not
a
joke!
carry
on
reading!
or
you
will
die,
even
if
you
only
looked
at
the
word
warning!
ONCE
THERE
WAS
A
LITTLE
GIRL
CALLED
CLARISSA,
SHE
WAS
10
YEARS
OLD
AND
SHE
LIVED
IN
A
MENTAL
HOSPITAL,
BEACUSE
SHE
KILLED
HER
MUM
AND
DAD.
SHE
GOT
SO
BAD
SHE
STARTED
TO
KILL
ALL
THE
STAFF
IN
THE
HOSPITAL
SO
THE
GOVERMENT
DECIDED
THAT
THE
BEST
IDEA
WAS
TO
GET
RID
OF
HER
SO
THEY
SET
UP
A
SPECIAL
ROOM
TO
KILL
HER,
AS
HUMANE
AS
POSSIBLE
BUT
IT
WENT
RONG
THE
MACHINE
THEY
WERE
USEING
WENT
WRONG.
AND
SHE
WAS
SAT
THERE
IN
AGONY
FOR
HOURS
UNTILL
SHE
FINALLY
DIED.
NOW
EVERY
WEEK
ON
THE
DAY
OF
HER
DEATH
SHE
RETURNS
TO THE
PERSON
THAT
READS
THIS
LETTER,
ON
A
MONDAY
NIGHT
AT
12:00
SHE
KREEPS
INTO
YOUR
ROOM
AND
KILLS
YOU,
BUT
SLOWLY
AND
PAINFULLY
SLOWLY
CUTTING
DIFFRENT
PARTS
OF
UR
BODY
THEN
WATCHES
YOU
BLEED
TO
DEATH
IF
YOU
DONT
SEND
THIS
TO
20
PEOPLE
BY
MIDNIGHT
SHELL
BE
COMEING
TO KILL
YOU!
SEND
IT
SO
SHE
HAS
ANOTHER
LOAD
OF
PEOPLE
TO
GET
AND
FORGETS
ABOUT
YOU
DONT
BELVE ME
HEY?
EXAMPLE
1:
JENNY
DIDNT BELIVE THIS AND DELETED IT WITHOUT EVEN READING THE WHOLE THING! A FEW DAYS LATER ON THE MONDAY NIGHT SHE WAS WOKEN UP BYE LOUDE FOOTSTEPS AND HEAVY BREETHING THERE WAS CLARISSA STANDING THERE WITH A HUGE KNIFE AND WELL JENNY IS HISTORY NOW.
EXAMPLE
2:
TOM
ONLY SENT IT TO 5 PEOPLE CUZ HE THOUGHT HED BE SAFE AND IT WAS PROBLY JUST A JOKE BUT OH HOW RONG WAS HE! HE DIED THE NEXT NIGHT ON MONDAY AND ILL TELL YA NOW IT WASNT PRETTY(JUST CUZ HE SENT FIVE HE DIDNT COMPLETE THE TASK)
EXAMPLE
3:
JOEANNA
SENT IT TO 19 PEOPLE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS CLOSE ENOUGH AND WOULD DO BUT SHE WAS WRONG SHE DIED THAT NIGHT ON A MONDAY AND ONCE AGAIN IT WASNT
👍: 0 ⏩: 4
Killer47985 In reply to Arashi-Howaito [2013-04-06 03:22:04 +0000 UTC]
Come and get me, my name isnt totaly a lie.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
KNUCKLES-HATES-CAKES In reply to Arashi-Howaito [2013-03-31 18:19:48 +0000 UTC]
you know, there's more important things then copy in a page and then paste in a another. No one cares!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Laurentiusje In reply to Arashi-Howaito [2013-01-19 19:51:11 +0000 UTC]
Jenny HEARD it, but nobody else was around so how can you know what she heard? she's DEAD!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
MissBlueWolf In reply to Arashi-Howaito [2012-11-13 19:59:08 +0000 UTC]
hmm interesting, I like the touch of ring and silent hill there xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TaleSmith [2012-11-07 10:21:27 +0000 UTC]
Not a bad story, but you do have an unfortunate habit of telling the reader what happens rather than showing them. While it's not too big a deal because your main character is the one narrating the story, it did bleed into your non-dialogue parts and that's something you have to watch out for. This is the first thing I've read of yours, so I'm not quite sure the backstory of all these characters, but it was an interesting read.
Oh, one more thing, you should probably spell out all your numbers rather than use them. What I mean is, instead of saying something is 500 feet away, do it as five hundred. I know, it's a pain to type more but it'll help your writing flow more smoothly.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hero-chan14 [2012-07-28 23:16:29 +0000 UTC]
i dont know any of the characters stories (cept deadbirds now) but i used to think skye was cool. now i think i hate him!! i hope deadbird gets his soul back and returns to his normal self!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
KarnaShae [2012-07-12 01:42:52 +0000 UTC]
1. To yourself, say the name of the only guy or girl you wanna be with 3
times!
*************************************************************
2. Think of something you wanna accomplish within the next week and say
it to your self 6 times!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to yourself 9 times!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Think of something that you want to happen between you and that
1special person and say it to your self 12 times!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as you scroll
down focus and concentrate on it and think on nothing else but that wish.
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
*
*
* *
* *
* *
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* *
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* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
Now make one last & final wish about that one wish that you picked.
After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what
you wished for will come true within in one week!
u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your
crush!!!
Keep going
down
Keep going
Keep
going
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was your last chance. Now
pay very close attention this important message!
Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain
letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1864 and if you
break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these
stories.
First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl, up till she got this same
chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she
got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal.
And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car
crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened
and her mom would be alive.
Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was
short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51
people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd
grade. The next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for
him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out,
and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up
and
married each other to live happily forever.
Third Example:
Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked. Listen to this.
A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail.
He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just
normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now
Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt
pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list and sent it
along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he
had won the lottery!
then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him
Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer,
and his best friend
gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp
Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild!
the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out
ever since.
Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather
be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats only
me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out withthat
special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-
1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!
10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!
15 people- your crush will say they like you
20 people- your crush will ask you out!
25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
30 people - Your crush will have sex with you
35 people or more- All of the above!!
Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more!
Now, complaining cus u dont have any
friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat
room, pick some names and send away! but here's the catch..... you only
have 1 hour
if the pain goes on im not gonna make it...!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
5ev [2012-07-09 02:19:21 +0000 UTC]
awesome! good writing, once I started I couldn't stop till the end
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RainFyre [2011-11-19 03:53:15 +0000 UTC]
NOOOOOO SAMMY ANN DONNNNN'T.
HE DIDNT MEAN IT
wishingbird2000 [2011-07-21 05:15:47 +0000 UTC]
This is very well written! I freaking love it! And, thanks to one of my friends finding you here on DA I have now fallen in love with Deadbird! He makes me want to hug him or something. This backstory was very in depth and I love how Deadbird is the one telling it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
PuffyShirt [2011-07-18 20:25:34 +0000 UTC]
the tomb that you described, it sounds like the one from Repo! a Genetic Opera... Like, exactly! lol ITS SO AMAZING!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ISTesla [2011-07-14 09:52:17 +0000 UTC]
Now that I've managed to read it all the way through, I gotta say it's strangely beautiful. You have a real nack for storytelling, particularly in setting atmosphere; I can see a vivid idea of the situation.
I do see a strong sense of Tim Burton influence in your work, though perhaps that's just me thinking too much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
snoop-fox [2011-06-29 17:05:19 +0000 UTC]
DO YOU KNOW HOW DISAPPOINTED I WAS WHEN I CLICKED THIS AND I FOUND OUT THAT IT WASN'T A DESKTOP BACKGROUND THAT I COULD USE?
Sorry for the caps, it's was just a very loud thought. xDDD
Seriously though, I saw the little icon/whatever and I was all "hey, that'd be an interesting background" so I clicked on it and... there was a story and a tiny picture.
Anyways, I'll get around to reading this when I'm not running to a class in the next 11 minutes (not that it matters to you or anything, I'm just curious about Deadbird).
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
PrincessAngst [2011-06-24 19:50:51 +0000 UTC]
FFFF I'm gonna marry Deadbird, lol jk. Cool story, Brah.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
animemw [2011-06-13 00:19:12 +0000 UTC]
ok i love this im making a t-shirt (well drawing him on a t-shirt) of him cuz i love him to much yaaaay go dead bird! <33333333333
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
animemw [2011-06-11 21:55:34 +0000 UTC]
awww 3: pooor kid (((( i love deadbird now thanks for ur awesome writting skills!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
vallantaria [2011-06-11 08:52:43 +0000 UTC]
dude im so sorry but i cant be stuffed reading it all sorry
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ShankSilenzikilu [2011-06-11 00:25:36 +0000 UTC]
Either turn this into a novel or a manga series! Do something more with these stories!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hotaru-Tama [2011-06-09 21:42:33 +0000 UTC]
D: YOU NEED TO MAKE MORE DEAD BIRD STORIES.....NAO ;A;
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Genna-Cider [2011-06-04 03:32:04 +0000 UTC]
Geniune Deadbird fangirl right here O w O
(has waited so long for this backstory)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
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