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alexiscaitlinking β Zombie
Published: 2011-06-13 03:52:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 937; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 5
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Description
inside they're wormingflesh heaving as they go
eating tunnels, slowly,
through my very fiber
maggots chewing through
emitting aΒ Β putrid stench
as my innards are digested
bite by bite
i'd never pitied rotting stump
filled with holes and moisture
turned to mossy sponge
anchored fungi becoming
the last form of life
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Comments: 42
Read my poem "Topic Z" it's about the life of a zombie. ^^ And I liked this. I'd like to know what you think of mine.
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Of course!!! 
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I'm glad too. xD
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Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by 
Keep writing and keep creating.
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Wow! Wowowowowowowowowow! Oh! Thanks, it's really an honor!
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I see you changed the wording, the imagery is much more piercing to me.
I'm glad you took your time to go over this
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Me too. Thank you for reading again!
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I feel the last line seems unnecessary. As you said, the title makes the theme rather clear and it feels repetitive, too obvious, which is disappointing. The ending seemed abrupt, incomplete. I feel removing the final line completely and instead writing a final stanza - something fresher, an all-encompassing image that might perhaps wrap up the whole piece - would deliver far more of an impact.
I think the piece is understandable, and if that's what you wanted you definitely achieved that.
I feel the second stanza is the strongest in the piece - it creates a very strong image in my mind. I think you should keep that the way it is.
The first stanza is by all means doable, but when you relate it to the zombie theme it seems somewhat cliche in my opinion. I think that could be amended with a slight alteration of word choice: Instead of telling us that there are bugs crawling inside of you, perhaps tell us more about precisely how that feels? Does it hurt, and what could you compare the pain to? Show, don't tell.
Overall, I feel this poem has potential and considering the brevity, you did well with it. However, it feels incomplete and could do with some polishing. Perhaps in re-drafting focus less on a stereotypical depiction of zombies and think a little more about what being a zombie would really be like.
I hope this helps!
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I've actually reworked it already! I got ambitious. Hopefully it's better now. :]
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Oh, that's much better!
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Oh thank you!
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Wow, thank you so much! This is the most helpful critique I've recieved!
I will totally whip this piece into shape. When it's done, if I note you, would you check it out again?
I wish I could redraft this piece right now, but six hours of pouring coffee with a pinched nerve in my wrist.... I'm complaining. I hate my job. Regardless. I'm going to nap off my hatred. I'll work this tonight.
Again, thank you so much for your critique, it is MOST helpful. Feel free to read my others and critique at will. You're very helpful, exactly what I need. 
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I just realized I repeated what some others said, dear lord
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It's quite alright. I'm still not content with this piece and after so many have told me to consider a redraft, I'm going to. It feels incomplete, even to myself. Thank you for the time and effort to comment. Please check back when I've redrafted (probably somtime tomorrow) to see the result. :]
Thank youuuuuu
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This poem IS indeed powerful. The title seems perfect considering the last line, the statement "living dead" pops up in my mind
I hope you'll continue writing
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1. Personally I feeltheres more you can do with the last line, may add another verse, change it up, or just plain out add another stanza, it just feels to short. (Normally I sing the praises of short and sweet poetry but this feels like it could be more)
2. ^^^^ All I got to say 'bout that.
3. I'd say the title definitely pieced it together, as well as the last line, so yea.
4. Praise, but it still needs improvement
5. Pffff, we're ALL a bit deranged here
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Beautiful. Alright. I'll see what I can do. :] Thanks!!!!!!!
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Hm.
Well, I actually think instead of removing the last line you should simply rename the title. I'm not a great one on titles, especially if I'm too lazy or have terrible writers block (quite often) but I think "Zombie" gives too much away before you even start to read. And I think I would like the freedom of interpretation that "I think I'm already dead" extends but it is limited because I already know I'm reading about zombies...does that make sends?
I think you should look over your word choice and rhythm. Nothing really..provokes any feeling in this particular piece for me. I think that there is certainty something missing that you need to add to make this poem either wow, or disgust (in a good way) your readers. It's a pretty straightforward poem.
Keep writing
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Okay. I'll have to rebuff this piece. Thank you all for being honest!
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personally i like things to rhyme.. maybe it's just me, but it's order to chaos. i like the word choice, but i think you could make it a little longer and put in the same word choice and put a different rhthym to it and to me it would be better, but either way it's still freaking awesome and everyone loves zombies
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I greatly appreciate your comment. However, this piece wasn't meant to be long. It's meant to hit you right at the back of the throat as you read it, and leave you gasping for air. I believe that is what all poetry is meant to do. It doesn't matter if the poem is short or long, as long as it is well executed. Typically, I gravitate to just the opposite of what you have mentioned. I dislike using rhyme schemes, because my life is ordered. The only chaos I have is my poetry. That isn't to say I shouldn't improve my rhyming ability (which at this point is probably nil. T_____T )
Again, thank you for the comment and the praise, but I respectfully disagree.
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I am, however, still conflicted about the last line.
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1. Though short, this poem is very powerful. It seems a lot like vent work to me, but I've always thought that those kinds of poems can be the most powerful and inspiring.
3. Totally^^ I mean, I can relate to that. I'm fairly lucky, I guess, because I've never actually felt like that. But whenever I do get mad, I try and write stuff like this and I know it can be hard to have the piece still be understandable and stuff.
4. Praise 
5. -shakes head- nope. I think 'tis beautiful.
And I skipped two on purpose, because I couldn't think of anything that should be improved. It really is a nice poem^^ But like, not in a happy way, in a nicely written way.
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Wow, thanks so much for liking my stuff! I'm glad you've decided to watch me. I've been in a slump for a week or so, and just haven't had the enthusiasm to write. T____T
You're right, it's vent work. Sometimes you've just got to get all of that pent up crap out of the way. I'm happy to hear that you like this piece as is.
Again, thank you!
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You're more than welcome, Alex (can I call you that?) ^^
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Of course! I've got too many nicknames to count. I'll certainly reply to that one.
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Close. More like internal decomposition. But inspired by Kafka a tad, I suppose! 
Thanks you!
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Oh thank you!
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D: I am deathly afraid of zombies.
...No pun intended. .__.;;
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I don't believe it, haha.
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No really, lol. I was writing it and was thinking "Oh, I'm a cheesy toolbox."
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I laughed out loud at this.
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This is good. lol.
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have to admit, definitely the first time i've ever heard someone say that, lol.
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Well... Cheesy because of the pun and then toolbox is like an upgrade of "tool." Oh, well, it doesn't really matter.
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everything matters, lol.
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That's what I'm sayin'.
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