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Allegius — I don't know
Published: 2004-04-19 01:27:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 185; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 26
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Description
I wrote this last night... sketched it onto my little yellow pad. Took up a good three sheets with all my chicken scratch. I shredded those for reasons you'll see when you read it... The image I got from somewhere else, but I edited it and doctored it up to suit my needs. I think it was from space site somewhere. Anyways.. I won't say anything about the actual content here.. but I'll just ask that if you read this, if you could please comment with how you feel about this piece.Thank You
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Comments: 11
if i could write half as good as you, id be famous..heh..
awesome job man, love the overall feel..
imma watch you...*pokes your eyes out before you can get the binoculars out*..hah
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*blush* I don't think I write all too well... but thank you very much ^_^ It means a lot to me to get comments on my work.
And I'm watching you too now *stares through binoculars*
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Really like how you opened it, sucked me right in. Read this quite a few times over the past few days. Still feel the specific vibe it gives off, although I have no name for it. Keep writing.
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Thank you very much for your comment. it means a lot to me. I think I'll be writing more in this style soon.
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interesting... some parts rhyme, some don't. lack of consistency... 
but since it's sooo damn hot here in cincinnati (or so it seems compared to recent weeks) i'm not up to critiquing (sp?) this as much as you'd like. add to the fact that it's 2:20 in the AM (
If I don't get back to critique this, would u mind me using ur title in a song, which I might post here? ^_^
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Everyone knows how hot ye are! heh. anyways... feel free to use the title any way ye want.
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Hmm. First off 
I'm not much into poetry, but I've been songwriting for a while(never shown you the songs though, sorry. I take pride in keeping my work to myself. Besides, anyone reading them would probably get me thrown in the psych ward again. Everyone would over-react to them like they do to my artwork). So taking this from a point that I only know that much...
I like the oerall mood to the peice and I very much like the wording, but I dont like the flow. It seems a bit choppy in places. You started off great, but towards the end it seems like its just rambling a tad, the general beat has been lost. What helps a lot to that is to have a song playing with the speed you want your poem to read as, then you will usually keep it steady. Or so I've found when I take my songs from paper to guitar.
I like it really much though, I'm very tempted to grab my guitar and give it a swing... but this would be very hard to put to the music I play. 
~AJ
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