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amaranthineries — Because, Because
Published: 2007-06-20 23:41:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 108; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description Wipe every line
of ink from the page,
the message never stays anyway.
What makes you think
that in twenty years,
this one piece
with its careful diction
and considerate line
breaks
will have changed anything?
Because it is not an it,
but a She,
a soul.
And as She changes
with every whisper
she bestows upon my
waiting ear.
Because Her intent
is not to change the world,
but to change
me.
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Comments: 11

ScribbledNotes [2007-09-01 06:34:32 +0000 UTC]

"And as She changes
with every whisper
she bestows upon my
waiting ear."

Feels like there should be more, like you're stopping mid-sentence. Read it a few times, unless that was the intent.

LIKE this too. Good one. Good show. Nice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to ScribbledNotes [2007-09-06 05:49:14 +0000 UTC]

I didn't catch that until about an hour after I wrote it, but I decided to leave it-- I liked the incomplete feel to it a little better. But thank you very much, I'm glad somebody read close enough to catch it. ^.^

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ScribbledNotes In reply to amaranthineries [2007-09-06 05:53:23 +0000 UTC]

Yes yes! Always read carefully. I can see that with my writing sometimes if I stop and start. That's when I have to heavy edit it later to get it smooth again.

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amaranthineries In reply to ScribbledNotes [2007-09-06 05:56:14 +0000 UTC]

I like reading/writing poems with a little error in it, though. Something that offsets a beat, or creates a little chaos in the read. It feels more honest in a way. When there are five blaring errors a line, it's a little excessive, but lately I've been in kind of a choppy mood.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to amaranthineries [2007-09-06 06:16:51 +0000 UTC]

I understand, I understand. There was one poem, when I was really starting, I can still remember, someone pointing out that it should be "break" and not "breaks" and I was like, "That's intentional error. I like the way it reads that way!"

Hmm... that's not totally the same idea, but STILL! I can relate! haha!

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GhstsInSnow [2007-06-21 05:20:27 +0000 UTC]

Aawh, babe. I read this on LJ, and rereading it here makes me love it more. Definite fav! (As always.)

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amaranthineries In reply to GhstsInSnow [2007-06-22 05:46:50 +0000 UTC]

I have to say, it does look better on LJ. =3 Thank you, mah love!

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GhstsInSnow In reply to amaranthineries [2007-06-24 00:57:38 +0000 UTC]

I don't think it looks better, per say. XD

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Zomai [2007-06-21 02:06:07 +0000 UTC]

I like how halfway through the tone changes... Like talking to yourself except put on paper. (I can relate. Ahah. I don't know if that's good.)

Fantastic.

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amaranthineries In reply to Zomai [2007-06-22 05:47:36 +0000 UTC]

Hah, FUCK YES! Noticeable tone change was precisely what I was shooting for. Thank you dahling!

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Zomai In reply to amaranthineries [2007-06-24 20:16:19 +0000 UTC]

Ahah. My poetry retardation is slowly retreating.

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