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amaranthineries — Business in The Trade
Published: 2007-12-06 08:16:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 256; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 9
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Description When did you trade in your dignity
for that cigarette?
Your calm nature, sweet peace,
but now all choppy and upset,
I grasp
for that familiar feeling,
but your second-hand suicide
is all I get.

And who gave you the better deal?

I gave you choice,
she gave you comfort.
I gave you an us,
she gave you herself.
I gave you mutuality,
remembrance of
bitter oblivion...
but she gave you
something I couldn't,
something different.

She gave you
the Same.

For it's true that she lies dead center
in the Sea of Normalcy and
Bought Insecurity,
and any one drop of water
can send her sinking

Where I have no place on maps.

You foolish boy,
everything that I thought you were
I guess I should forget.
You traded in your dignity,
your calamity, and my respect,
all for some lonely girl
with a pack of cigarettes.
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Comments: 13

moonfreak [2008-07-09 02:31:27 +0000 UTC]

I like how the end connects back to the beginning; this really has meaning. ^^ Great job!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to moonfreak [2008-07-10 04:01:51 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

moonfreak In reply to amaranthineries [2008-07-10 04:05:00 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Mackenzie001 [2008-07-08 17:05:48 +0000 UTC]

This is well done; I like it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to Mackenzie001 [2008-07-10 04:01:29 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, very much.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Dtee-Sawk [2008-07-07 13:46:18 +0000 UTC]

I really like this poem, love is a universal topic written about so often by so many,and most of it is either sickly sweet or off- puttingly self pitying, but
this is different.
It stands out,for me at least... really good

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to Dtee-Sawk [2008-07-10 04:01:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, very much. It does mean a lot to me that not all people interpreted this strictly as just another love poem.

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ScribbledNotes [2007-12-07 05:05:39 +0000 UTC]

Bitter memories...

This portion seems weird... like there shouldn't be a period there:

and any one drop of water
can send her sinking.

Where I have no place on maps.

Unless you change the solitary line, it seems like it's continuing... maybe just the word "where" too.

But good deal nonetheless. Like it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to ScribbledNotes [2007-12-08 20:36:23 +0000 UTC]

Bitter "as-of-recent"s too, unfortunately. >>

I did feel that there was something a little off with that line, thanks for the suggestion! I've tweaked it a little, hopefully that makes it a smoother read.

Thanks again, darling. =3

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GhstsInSnow [2007-12-06 13:30:08 +0000 UTC]

<3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to GhstsInSnow [2007-12-08 20:36:29 +0000 UTC]

<33

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SecretShowMonster [2007-12-06 08:22:31 +0000 UTC]

Mmm wow. This left me silent for awhile. Structually it's very well done, with almost un-noticeable rhymes that make it's beat really enjoyable. THe solitary lines are also effective. I don't like to sayt oo much in the way of meaning, as every interperates different. I would like to say it's a very, very good piece.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

amaranthineries In reply to SecretShowMonster [2007-12-08 20:33:49 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, very much! ^.^

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