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"Did you think I wanted to do ANY of this? Did you think I DON'T FEEL? Did you think I could BREATHE IN WITHOUT YOU? Did you think I enjoyed freezin' this dagger-gash smile across my face for over a century--isolating myself from the world and paintin' a picture of myself as a ravenous snake? Makin' enemies left and right? Being mind-raped daily, cultivating an image of perfect loyalty to, that PSYCHOPATH who stepped on people like ants, and let his men steal your virginity, your dignity, your soul? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?! LET him get AWAY with thieving your innocence? I LOVE you! That's all in this that is SURE an' TRUE--I LOVE YOU! I guess it's fuckin' TRAGIC that the belle of the ball should accept the love of something twisted and ugly. I guess the battle-scarred delegate of the Shinigami Men's Association, who's ALWAYS there because he has that LUXURY, who's capable of recognizing your demands for daily trinkets of affection, is preferable to the man who got his ARM ripped off and his belly impaled FOR YOU. I said sorry, I SAID SORRY. I MEANT it. Only thoughts of YOU sustained me through this mission....PLEASE....Give me the sadness I had to leave you naked to for so many years, I'll bear it up MYSELF--but DON'T tell me I did everything wrong. Don't TELL me, I know I made you cry again, I know I was trying to save you from tears but I was the only reason you cried--I know I'm the great tragic irony. I know I'm nothing, but you were NEVER ALONE. I was ALWAYS coming back, flaws an' all. I dreamt of big things--our kids together, our new home far from all this mess, because you used to tell me you always most missed our days in that abandoned old barn as little kids. I dreamt of little things too, like the smell of your skin, the feel of your hair, the sight of that mole by your lips I used to call your 'dot' and kiss for good luck. Those are still my dreams. I'm a hopeless dreamer under this snake skin. But is my spot under the persimmon tree with you taken? Did you finally get tired of waiting...? Am I banished...Rangiku? Am I damned an' dead? Is this my punishment?...What was I...supposed to do?"
*****************************
hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid"
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

Closing your eyes to disappear,
You pray your dreams will leave you here;
But still you wake and know the truth,
No one is there...

Say goodnight,
Don't be afraid,
Calling me, Calling me as you fade to black.

(Say goodnight) Holding my last breath
(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself
(Calling me, calling me) Are all my thoughts of you?
Sweet raptured life, it ends here tonight
~Evanescence

It was a wonderful challenge to draw Ichimaru Gin making an enraged facial expression. He only ever comes close, and I mean only close, when Aizen rips off his right arm and sends a shower of his own blood across his body. Even THEN Gin's face barely looks disturbed.

The cause of him making this face now is almost more MY response to the Bleach anime (NOT the manga), and part of the Bleach fandom, through my favorite Bleach character. And mostly, at an out-of-character Rangiku that official material seems to increasingly espouse, who would easily forget Gin and what he did on her behalf.

With the revelation that Gin was actually a man deeply in love with one woman all his life, a self-sacrificing soldier of vengeance who gave up his home, career, friends, reputation, and sanity for this woman, most of the Gin haters seemed abashed, and the Gin lovers only loved him more (including myself).

Lately, several months after this revelation was released in the manga, things seem to have changed. For one, the Bleach animation staff seems hellbent on pairing Rangiku up, in filler, with Hisagi Shuuhei. For another, they seem to enjoy cheapening her character to a fanservice slutty bimbo who often gropes her own boobs and uses her hot body excessively to get what she wants, which she is NOT in manga canon (there are of course hints of this, but tastefully suppressed so that the fans realize Rangiku is a serious, smart, strong lady and don't see her as a pair of knockers and nothing else).

Also, perhaps just as disturbing, a considerable sect of the fandom seems to be jumping on this bandwagon, making statements such as "well Gin is probably dead anyway so Rangiku needs to move on," or "Gin was an emotionally abusive bastard anyway," seeming to forget that 1) you cannot forget your entire childhood, your hero and happiness, over night, whether he is dead or not, and Rangiku is not so shallow that she would, and 2) Gin "abandoned" and "betrayed" Rangiku and Soul Society SOLELY in order to fool Aizen into thinking he was his most loyal follower, get close to Aizen, get the Hogyouku and retrieve the part of Rangiku's soul that was stolen, and then kill Aizen. Do we all forget how pure Gin's MOTIVES were, even if his actions were flawed???? Motives REALLY matter in character analysis!

I recall that I even once received a nasty comment on one of my GinRan pics stating that "Hisagi would be better in bed than Gin, so why not?"(as if that's all that matters in a real and lasting relationship). Just. Shallow facetious attacks on the GinRan pairing that seem very sudden but very decisive. Hisagi is wonderful, and kind, and sturdy, but he's only Rangiku's drinking buddy, and the relationship is rather obviously one-sided. It wouldn't even be fair to him.

If people still want to do so, that's FINE. I even have a HisagiXRangiku picture in my favorites gallery, to show that I tolerate the pairing preference, even though I disagree with it with every fiber of my freakin' body. Can't we live and let live here????

So. This is me sort of striking out against all this nonsense. Couldn't we try to remember to ? And couldn't we give Gin a CHANCE here? He did what he thought was the right thing to do for the person he loved most in the world. Even if he went about it all wrong, he did not do so out of fickleness or malice--it was an honest mistake, perhaps DUE to the intensity with which he loved Rangiku. Please cut this wonderful tragic character some slack!

*********************************
Finally, this is a last-ditch overture to a person with whom I, playing Gin, used to rp Rangiku. I have a new Rangiku now, but that doesn't mean I no longer value YOUR Rangiku. I know you think Gin and the person who broke your heart are synonymous, and that this makes you leery of going near Gin's character. But they're not. A real-life Gin would not really callously ditch the wonderful woman that you are. Remember, Gin's actions were a RUSE to FOOL AIZEN. They were not a REAL abandonment. You are still waiting for YOUR Gin, and he will come. When he comes, you will never have to doubt his love for a moment. If we could ever rp this pairing again....it would make me so happy. Nothing, fandom-wise, makes me happier really than this pairing. But...I understand if that is not possible. I will respect that. After all, I have no intentions of begging. I've made peace with the fact that it's probably over.

Perhaps my days as as Bleach fan are numbered, in general. Who knows.

Description
"Did you think I wanted to do ANY of this? Did you think I DON'T FEEL? Did you think I could BREATHE IN WITHOUT YOU? Did you think I enjoyed freezin' this dagger-gash smile across my face for over a century--isolating myself from the world and paintin' a picture of myself as a ravenous snake? Makin' enemies left and right? Being mind-raped daily, cultivating an image of perfect loyalty to, that PSYCHOPATH who stepped on people like ants, and let his men steal your virginity, your dignity, your soul? WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?! LET him get AWAY with thieving your innocence? I LOVE you! That's all in this that is SURE an' TRUE--I LOVE YOU! I guess it's fuckin' TRAGIC that the belle of the ball should accept the love of something twisted and ugly. I guess the battle-scarred delegate of the Shinigami Men's Association, who's ALWAYS there because he has that LUXURY, who's capable of recognizing your demands for daily trinkets of affection, is preferable to the man who got his ARM ripped off and his belly impaled FOR YOU. I said sorry, I SAID SORRY. I MEANT it. Only thoughts of YOU sustained me through this mission....PLEASE....Give me the sadness I had to leave you naked to for so many years, I'll bear it up MYSELF--but DON'T tell me I did everything wrong. Don't TELL me, I know I made you cry again, I know I was trying to save you from tears but I was the only reason you cried--I know I'm the great tragic irony. I know I'm nothing, but you were NEVER ALONE. I was ALWAYS coming back, flaws an' all. I dreamt of big things--our kids together, our new home far from all this mess, because you used to tell me you always most missed our days in that abandoned old barn as little kids. I dreamt of little things too, like the smell of your skin, the feel of your hair, the sight of that mole by your lips I used to call your 'dot' and kiss for good luck. Those are still my dreams. I'm a hopeless dreamer under this snake skin. But is my spot under the persimmon tree with you taken? Did you finally get tired of waiting...? Am I banished...Rangiku? Am I damned an' dead? Is this my punishment?...What was I...supposed to do?"
*****************************
hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid"
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

Closing your eyes to disappear,
You pray your dreams will leave you here;
But still you wake and know the truth,
No one is there...

Say goodnight,
Don't be afraid,
Calling me, Calling me as you fade to black.

(Say goodnight) Holding my last breath
(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself
(Calling me, calling me) Are all my thoughts of you?
Sweet raptured life, it ends here tonight
~Evanescence

It was a wonderful challenge to draw Ichimaru Gin making an enraged facial expression. He only ever comes close, and I mean only close, when Aizen rips off his right arm and sends a shower of his own blood across his body. Even THEN Gin's face barely looks disturbed.

The cause of him making this face now is almost more MY response to the Bleach anime (NOT the manga), and part of the Bleach fandom, through my favorite Bleach character. And mostly, at an out-of-character Rangiku that official material seems to increasingly espouse, who would easily forget Gin and what he did on her behalf.

With the revelation that Gin was actually a man deeply in love with one woman all his life, a self-sacrificing soldier of vengeance who gave up his home, career, friends, reputation, and sanity for this woman, most of the Gin haters seemed abashed, and the Gin lovers only loved him more (including myself).

Lately, several months after this revelation was released in the manga, things seem to have changed. For one, the Bleach animation staff seems hellbent on pairing Rangiku up, in filler, with Hisagi Shuuhei. For another, they seem to enjoy cheapening her character to a fanservice slutty bimbo who often gropes her own boobs and uses her hot body excessively to get what she wants, which she is NOT in manga canon (there are of course hints of this, but tastefully suppressed so that the fans realize Rangiku is a serious, smart, strong lady and don't see her as a pair of knockers and nothing else).

Also, perhaps just as disturbing, a considerable sect of the fandom seems to be jumping on this bandwagon, making statements such as "well Gin is probably dead anyway so Rangiku needs to move on," or "Gin was an emotionally abusive bastard anyway," seeming to forget that 1) you cannot forget your entire childhood, your hero and happiness, over night, whether he is dead or not, and Rangiku is not so shallow that she would, and 2) Gin "abandoned" and "betrayed" Rangiku and Soul Society SOLELY in order to fool Aizen into thinking he was his most loyal follower, get close to Aizen, get the Hogyouku and retrieve the part of Rangiku's soul that was stolen, and then kill Aizen. Do we all forget how pure Gin's MOTIVES were, even if his actions were flawed???? Motives REALLY matter in character analysis!

I recall that I even once received a nasty comment on one of my GinRan pics stating that "Hisagi would be better in bed than Gin, so why not?"(as if that's all that matters in a real and lasting relationship). Just. Shallow facetious attacks on the GinRan pairing that seem very sudden but very decisive. Hisagi is wonderful, and kind, and sturdy, but he's only Rangiku's drinking buddy, and the relationship is rather obviously one-sided. It wouldn't even be fair to him.

If people still want to do so, that's FINE. I even have a HisagiXRangiku picture in my favorites gallery, to show that I tolerate the pairing preference, even though I disagree with it with every fiber of my freakin' body. Can't we live and let live here????

So. This is me sort of striking out against all this nonsense. Couldn't we try to remember to ? And couldn't we give Gin a CHANCE here? He did what he thought was the right thing to do for the person he loved most in the world. Even if he went about it all wrong, he did not do so out of fickleness or malice--it was an honest mistake, perhaps DUE to the intensity with which he loved Rangiku. Please cut this wonderful tragic character some slack!

*********************************
Finally, this is a last-ditch overture to a person with whom I, playing Gin, used to rp Rangiku. I have a new Rangiku now, but that doesn't mean I no longer value YOUR Rangiku. I know you think Gin and the person who broke your heart are synonymous, and that this makes you leery of going near Gin's character. But they're not. A real-life Gin would not really callously ditch the wonderful woman that you are. Remember, Gin's actions were a RUSE to FOOL AIZEN. They were not a REAL abandonment. You are still waiting for YOUR Gin, and he will come. When he comes, you will never have to doubt his love for a moment. If we could ever rp this pairing again....it would make me so happy. Nothing, fandom-wise, makes me happier really than this pairing. But...I understand if that is not possible. I will respect that. After all, I have no intentions of begging. I've made peace with the fact that it's probably over.

Perhaps my days as as Bleach fan are numbered, in general. Who knows.