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Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader - Chapter 34 - The End

A/N: For some reason it wouldn't let me have it all in one (it is long I know) so I've split it up!
~*~
You dried your hair with a towel as you sat down on your shared bed with Sam. Thoughts kept running through your mind. You had time to take everything back, you knew you could if you decided to but- but no you didn’t need to. This was the right decision, it was all along. You had doubts you couldn’t help it. But what was done, was done and you weren’t going to take any of it back. You’d made your decision.
“Hey” Sam’s voice made you look up.
“Hey” you smiled back “Not at the hospital?”
“No.” he shook his head as you got up and approached him “Dean needed some rest and you- you weren’t there when we arrived.”
“Yeah.” you rested your hands on his chest “I needed a shower really bad. Sorry I didn’t wait for you we could always get back in there if you want to.” you gave him a small smirk at which he laughed.
“Nah but I will do quick and we can go back together at the-” you didn’t let him finish his sentence.
“Really?” you tilted your head “Because I was thinking about something else you know.” your voice got lower almost in a seductive tone and you stood on your tiptoes to get closer to him.
Your arms sneaked around his neck and his subconsciously found your waist “Something less quick.” you whispered as your face only got closer to his “And more…” you trailed off before you pressed your lips to his in a heated kiss.
He was frozen for a second, not sure what to do before his lips started moving against yours. You nibbled on his lower lip and elicited a gasp from him when you rubbed yourself on him. You slipped your tongue in his mouth and he let out a deep moan as your tongue played with his. His hands squeezed your hips firmly and you tangled your fingers, tucking at his hair. You started taking steps backwards towards the bed as Sam blindly followed when you practically dragged him. His body was pressed flush to yours and you could feel him practically struggling to keep his hands from touching every part of you.
He squeezed your waist once more and this time you slowly started pulling away, your face though very close to his, your lips barely touching, and your foreheads resting against each other’s as you still kept walking backwards. Until youstopped-
“So much for a goodbye kiss huh?” he whispered and your breath hitched on your throat. To say your eyes were wide would be an understatement.
“It’s fine.” he chuckled, leaning once more and kissing your lips “It’s fine.”
“Sam I-” you were struggling to breath “What are you talking about? This isn’t- it is-”
“You trying to make up for everything for one last time, I know.” he breathed out a pained chuckle, pulling away and turning his back to you. He cleared his throat and you could see him wipe a tear.
You felt your throat closing and tears well up in your eyes “Sam can we- can we talk, pl-please? I- I need to tell you something.” you choked out.
“No, (Y/n), no it’s alright. I guess there is not much to say.” he shrugged in pain and you felt a stab in your heart at the realization that downed on you and that you’d ben fighting off.
“You know.” you breathed out, a tear rolling down your cheek as your heart clenched inside your chest.
He brought a hand up and wiped it away “Yeah.” he whispered “But I told you, it’s fine.”
“H-how?” you choked out as a sob left your lips, you took a step back.
“Does it really matter at this point?” he chuckled though you could see how much he was hurting.
“S-Sam I- I’m so so sorry, I- I never wanted this- I-” you were struggling to breath “Pl-please” you whimpered “Let me explain.”
“(Y/n)” he offered you a weak smile as he walked towards you, placing his hands on your shoulders “I told, it’s alright.”
“N-no Sam, no no it’s not.” you sobbed shaking your head furiously and moving away from him “It’s not! How can you say it is?!” you screamed, tears rolling your eyes.
“(Y/n), hey- hey! Listen to me, it’s fine. Everything is fine.” he insisted, more tears welling up in his eyes.
“No, no nothing is fine. I- I Sam- I gosh, I did such a thing to you and I- Sam please I need you to let me explain everything, it is not- not how it looks like. It’s deeper, not- not-”
“(Y/n)!” he for the first time raised his voice in a way that made you both freeze and shut up “Sorry.” he sighed, licking hisllips “But please hear me out here, I mean it when I say it’s fine. I- I forgive you.”
“You- you forgive me?” you stuttered “H-how can you forgive me Sam? I- I- you know what I did! You know Sam! I- I slept with your brother while we were together! When you were waiting for an answer to your proposal! Ho-how can you just forgive me? After all I did?”
“(Y/n)” he whispered, his voice hoarse.
“You asked me to marry you! You waited for an answer for so long, hoped I’d say yes when all this time- hell even from the beginning of our relationship I’ve been lying to you because I- I had feelings for Dean as well. And when you left- gosh when you left.” you breathed out, your hands running though your wet hair “I kissed him when you were gone Sam, I cheated on you when you were gone- with your brother! Like some- some whore- some low life whore. When all you did was be great to me, I went and- Gosh.” you groaned burying your face in your hands before moving them to wrap them around yourself.
“I am so so awful. I am the biggest-”
“No!” he cut you off “No, don’t say that!” he walked closer to you and cupped your face “(Y/n) you are the most amazing woman I’ve met in my entire life. You have given so much to me, more than you can realize at this moment. You made me feel things I never had before, you gave me a whole new purpose, even if this is over-” he shook his head “With you I was able to experience things I never had before, I think that is more than worth it.”
“I cheated on you.” you choked out, sobs shaking your entire body.
He gave you a weak smile, tears rolling down his own cheeks as he wrapped his arms around you form “Don’t say that, baby. Don’t.” he shook his head, his lips finding your forehead as you clenched the fabric of his shirt in your fists.
“I never deserved you. Never.” your voice trembled “You were so good to me and I- I broke you.”
“Please don’t say this.” he choked out, rubbing your head.
“How can you say that?!” you pushed him away “I cheated on you with your brother Sam, how can you be so calm? How can you just hug me and kiss me still? How can you tell me everything is alright? How can you just forgive me? When all I feel is disgusted at myself for what I did to you.” you could only whisper at this point.
“Because I love you.” he breathed out ever so simply with a smile and a shrug that hurt you more than you could comprehend “That’s why. And because I love my brother and this- the two of you, that’s how you are happy. And you- you love him (Y/n). You love Dean.What point would there be in holding a grudge against you? In being angry?”
“You- you’re not?” you breathed out, staring at him.
“I guess- I am past that after Dean spilled everything. I’m more sad than anything.” he shrugged tiredly, leaning against the wall.
“Dean?” you breathed out.
“Who else? Dean came to me this evening and told me everything about the two of you.” he stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets.
“Wh-when?”
“He came here when you were at Castiel’s place, a few hours before I called you.” he let out a shaky sigh “He- he couldn’t take it. He told me everything about the two of you and about what he had done, pushing you away and all that.” he ran a hand through his hair “I- I was angry, I am not going to tell you I wasn’t but- but I’ve always known my brother, (Y/n). It wasn’t a surprise to hear him say he is in love with you and… vice versa.”
“S-Sam.” your lower lip trembled.
He shook his head, wiping away his own tears “It’s alright, I’m- I’m not going to blame you, or Dean. Maybe in the end it’s all my fault.” he shrugged.
“Ho-how can you say this? Sam you never did anything wrong. Whereas Dean and I- we-”
“I know what you did (Y/n) but- but I am not a saint either. I could see it from the beginning that something was going on between he two of you yet- yet I still went on with you. I attributed it all to my imagination only because that’s what I wanted to believe, because I still wanted you. And the proposal- maybe it was a desperate move after all because I was too scared I was going to lose you in the end. Guess I couldn’t avoid that but- it’s alright now. There is no point in being angry anymore.”
You let the tears fall down on the ground as you lowered your head “Did you fight?”
He breathed out a chuckle “We’ve fought for less serious things (Y/n).” he said but once he saw how you didn’t take it as lightly as he did his smile fell. He could understand that you blamed yourself for all of it.
“He-” Sam paused again, thinking of what had happened the previous day “He was a mess. He told me everything and I- I couldn’t help myself and I punched him. But not because of what you two did, (Y/n)!” he rushed to add as he heard a whimper leave your lips “Not because of that!”
“It was because of how much he, and I actually, messed up. You were only caught up in this, it is not your fault. It never was.” he let out a shaky sigh “And he-” he paused, Dean’s words echoing through his mind.
‘Good.’ he said 'Fight.’ he said and didn’t hesitate to punch him back.
“He kept saying he deserved it.” he breathed out “He kept saying that he deserved all of it. He kept punching me and as much as I hated I- I did the same. But he- he kept saying he was a shitty father, a shitty brother and a shitty friend. And he kept punching a-and everything and I- I told him that’s he’d never be anything but good.” he pursed his lips.
“H-he wanted to fight?” you breathed out and he nodded his head.
“Yes, yes he did.” he looked down almost in shame “And I- I was too angry for the first few moments that- that the things I said and did- I meant none of it. I didn’t mean any of it (Y/n).” he gritted his teeth.
“I was just furious with you, with myself, with Dean with everything I don’t know. I just- I saw red. But I swear (Y/n) the things I said to him- I didn’t mean anything. Because deep down I- I know it is my fault too. It is all my fault.” he pursed his lips.
“Are you seriously blaming yourself? For what I did?” you took a step closer to you and he gave you a weak smile.
“(Y/n) it’s never just one’s fault in a relationship, much less in this complicated mess of a relationship we are.” he gave you a weak smile “But what happened after that, it is all my fault. What he tried to-” his eyes widened and he cut himself off, realizing what he had started saying.
“Wh-what?” you tilted your head to the side.
“N-nothing.” he shook his head a little too furiously.
“No, no Sam that is something. Sam, what has happened? There is something you’re not telling me.”
He let out a sigh “I- I will tell you but I don’t want you to get angry.”
“Sam! Please.” your begged.
“It wasn’t an accident, (Y/n). This- Dean- Dean tried to-” he swallowed the lump in his throat “He tried to end his life.”
You took in a sharp breath and your eyes widened more than before “N-No.” you whispered but he nodded his head.
“Please though I- I don’t want you to talk with him about it.”
“Then why the hell did you tell me it was an accident Sam?!”
“It’s because he didn’t want you to know, (Y/n). And I- I respected that. I couldn’t tell you the truth after all.” his eyes casted down and you rested your back on the wall.
“How did we come to this?” you whispered, a tear rolling down your cheek.
He breathed out a humorless chuckle “I guess we couldn’t stop it, no matter how much we wanted to.”
“Sam.” you whispered walking towards him “Will you ever… let me explain?”
She shook his head, cupping your face and wiping your tears with his thumbs “There is nothing to explain. This- this was between Dean and I, I told you- you just got caught in the middle of that. We- we should have talked it out more, I shouldn’t have let Dean convince me back then but maybe- maybe I wanted to be convinced in the end.”
“You don’t need to feel bad about it, Sam. You are the least to blame.”
He shook his head with a bittersweet smile “I don’t think so. But it doesn’t matter anymore (Y/n). I am past that- past everything. And no, no I am not angry. Not anymore. I- had time to be angry and- and it didn’t lead me anywhere. Only a busted lip and a few bruises that faded away very soon luckily. And what you and Dean did- It doesn’t matter anymore. We were not going to happen, I just couldn’t see it. Maybe this- this finally made realization down on me. No matter how hard that was.”
“S-Sam I- I never wanted to hurt you. I- I love you.” you whimpered, tears rolling down your face as you looked up at him.
“I know that, and I am happy that I at least got part of your heart. But you’re in love with Dean, he has your entire heart… and that’s ok by me. As long as the two of you are happy.”
“How can you say this?” you sobbed “How? With what we did to you?”
“It’s not that bad (Y/n). It hurt me yes, I cannot lie to you and you know it, but- but I am a grown man, I will get over it. Ipromise- I will try. Just like I will try to be happy for you and Dean.”
“S-Sam” you whimpered, fisting the fabric of his shirt in your hands “I’m so so sorry.”
“It’s alright. I won’t stay mad, I promise. I just need some time to- to get used to this I guess. To realize everything. To think about it, to myself. Just some time, that’s all I need. But I promise you- I promise I won’t be mad. Just as long as you promise me you and Dean will be happy.”
“Sam” by now it was the only thing you could say as sobs shook your entire body and your hands and legs were shaking.
“It’s ok.” he rested his forehead against yours “It’s ok.” he tried to smile but failed miserably “What we had was beautiful but it had to come to and end. You and Dean, you were made for each other. I was foolish to think that I could give you what he did. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried replacing him in the first place. I just had to realize it the hard way I guess.”
“Not this way. Not this way.” you repeated, shaking your head “I hurt you Sam, I hurt you.”
“It’s alright. It’s alright I promise. I forgive you, I always will.” he pressed his lips to your forehead and letting out a shaky sigh you shut your eyes tightly.
“I love you, Sam.” you said with a whimper and he smiled sadly at you once he pulled away.
“I know (Y/n), it’s just not my kind of love. But I will learn to live with that.” he shrugged “I have gathered my things, just a few last ones left. Don’t worry, I will be out of here soon. I promise.”
You pursed your lips and shook your head “No, no Sam you-”
“It’s fine.” he breathed out a pained chuckle “It’s fine baby.” he whispered “I love you, never forget that.” he kissed your cheek and let go of you, disappearing out of the door.
And you? You only let the tears flow down your cheeks, your back resting on the wall as your knees slowly gave away and you slid down. You weakly brought your knees up and hugged them to yourself, letting the tears soak everything as sobs shook your body. Hours passed by like that and the only thing you found yourself doing was just that: crying your guilt and pain away because you had hurt Sam in this way. You were only glad Cas came and found you a couple hours later and helped you as you emptied your stomach on the toilet, Sam obviously gave him the keys. And as that he held you for hours, crying into his arms until finally exhaustion, mental and physical, took over and you fell into a peaceful sleep.
Castiel merely smiled down at you, kissed your forehead and whispered one thing “It’s over.”
~12 months later~
“Say daddy! Say daddy! Da-ddy!”
“Are you never going to give up?” you chuckled, leaning against the doorframe smirking at Dean who was leaning over the newborn giggly baby boy. He was laying on his back staring up at his father with a big toothless grin.
“No.” he grumbled, giving you a side look at which you chuckled.
“Mommy!” a grin spread on Mary’s face who was on her feet, leaving her brother and father to run towards you.
“Hey baby boo.” you chuckled, lifting her in your arms and kissing her cheek.
You soon proceeded to roll your eyes as you saw Dean still mouthing the word to the baby who was just giggling at the funny faces he was making.
“I told you it’s way too early.” you gave him a look but he only puffed his cheeks.
“And I told you it’s not. He’s my son, I know him. See? He is even understanding what I am saying.” he grinned down at the baby, tickling his tummy.
“No he’s not. He’s merely laughing at how much of an idiot you’re being.” you rolled your eyes and he gave you a playful glare.
You merely giggled, setting Mary down “Hey sweetheart. Wanna go downstairs check everything is ready for the dinner?”
“Yes mommy.” she smiled widely up at you and you ruffled her hair. She leaned down and kissed her brother’s forehead before running off.
You let a smile rest on your lips as you came and sat next to Dean, your eyes casting down at the little boy. You brought your hand to him and he fisted your one finger in his small hand.
You chuckled “For a little guy he’d already got a strong grip.”
“Of course. He got that from daddy!” Dean grinned widely down at the little boy who let another giggle.
“You seriously are not going to quit are you?” you gave him a smirk and he finally chuckled.
“Never!”
“You stubborn ass.” you said in his ear, kissing his cheek “Hope he didn’t get that from you.” you glanced down at your son.
“Look who’s talking!” he gave you a look that made you giggle. You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder, Dean bring one hand to hold yours; your fingers locking.
“He’s got your eyes.” he whispered, staring lovingly at the little boy.
“Hm but he’s got your nose.” you mumbled and he chuckled.
“He’s got your smile though. I think that’s the best of all.” he breathed out and you let out a sigh, nuzzling your face at the crook of his neck.
“You’re such a great father.” you breathed out, squeezing his hand and he smiled back at you.
“And you are the most amazing mother. He and Mary are so lucky.” he whispered and a shy smile spread on your lips.
You let a content sigh, resting your head on his shoulder “Sammy Winchester” you breathed out “Sam Robert Winchester. It sounds great.”
He hummed in agreement “But you know what else would sound great?” he whispered and you raised an eyebrow at him.
“(Y/n) Winchester.” he breathed out in addition and you laughed.
“After such an experience with weddings, don’t you think you should wait to ask for that?” you raised an eyebrow and he shrugged.
“Maybe but- I know that our wedding would be the best of all. You would be the bride.” he said in a low voice, a soft smile on his lips.
You merely smiled for a little while, your eyes casting down shyly “So what… should I consider this a proposal?” you giggled and he shrugged.
“Whatever you want. I am going to make it more official soon, anyway. But, you know it’s gonna happen sooner or later. I can wait all you want but we already have a family going and I’m not giving up on that.” he shrugged as if it was nothing but you buried your face at the crook of his neck, grinning like an idiot.
“I know you won’t.” you mumbled “And neither am I.” your hand found his and your fingers played with his “I just- I can’t believe this is all happening. A year in, been through pregnancy and all and yet- it seems like a dream. And now you are proposing and I have no idea what to say.”
“It’s simple.” he gave you a boyish grin “A yes. And I will jump straight to the preparations.” he shrugged and you hit his shoulder.
“Dean! I am serious here.” you mumbled.
“Why? (Y/n)-” he cupped your face “I told you I love you, and you feel the same. And this little fella here, he is just the proof of that love. I waited because you didn’t want to have a wedding while you were pregnant. But now that Sammy isborn- We always could, you know…”
“Are you so sure about that?” you mumbled.
“Never been more sure but- If you want to wait longer for a wedding then that’s fine by me. We are already acting like a married couple.” he pecked your cheek.
“We’ll see about that.” you whispered “We’ve got to take care of our little family now. Gosh.” you breathed out a laugh “I never thought we’d come to this.” you whispered “A family. You, I, Mary and our little baby.” your hand moved to tickle Sammy’s belly.
“I am seriously the luckiest man alive.” he whispered, his eyes meeting yours and the intensity made a blush form on yourcheeks.
“Shut up.” you mumbled shyly and he chuckled, playfully bringing his lips closer to yours so that they were barely touching. He toyed with you as you tried to steal a kiss here and there but just as he was about to give in- the baby gave out a small whine that made you pull away and Dean to let out a frustrated groan.
“You and I gotta talk about timing buddy.” Dean gave him a look and you gasped at him, hitting his chest.
“Dean! It’s your son.” you glared at him a little playfully before looking down at your son “Aw aw what? What is it baby?” you gushed at him as he bubbled at you.
“He may be my son but I swear he’s got his uncle’s timing.” he shook his head with a laugh “Whenever I just wanted to do something he’d be there in the worst moment possible.” he shook his head and you chuckled.
“I think it runs in the family anyway. You know even if some genes don’t show on you and Sam has it then it’s your DNA as well, it’s just when you were conceived and then started growing up that the cells decided to-” he crashed his lips to yours and effectively cut you off.
“Gosh you’re such a nerd.” he breathed out and you giggled.
“Probably, but you never complained about it. On the contrary I remember you finding it pretty hot the other times when I-”
“Hell yeah.” he said in a low growl as his hand moved and squeezed your thigh giving you a look you knew all too well. Hebrought his lips closer to yours, ready to capture your mouth but- the doorbell rang.
He let out a frustrated groan “Damn it.” he grumbled and you chuckled.
“It’s ok. We can continue later when everybody’s left. And then I will let you do whatever you want with me.” you winked at him and his eyebrows shot up.
“Really?” he whispered in a husky voice and you nodded your head.
“Really.” you giggled.
“Damn I really love you.” he breathed out licking his lips and you chuckled more.
“Yeah yeah I know, I love you too. Now go open the door.” you rolled your eyes.
“Yes m'am!” he said with a sly grin, kissing your cheek before he was practically running out of the room and downstairs.
You just laughed and shook your head.
~*~
“But where is (Y/n)?” you heard Castiel’s voice as you walked down the stairs with the little boy in your arms.
“Here here, just bringing the star of the night.” you chuckled, bouncing the little boy in your arms.
“And he’s as stunning as ever, took after his mother.” Sam chuckled, giving you a hug after Castiel.
“Hey you.” you smiled warmly up at him “How are you?” you asked as Dean and Cas walked on the front.
“Oh you know, same old same. What about you? How is little Sammy?” he chuckled, tickling the little boy’s tummy.
“Oh you know, growing into being his father. Just a few months in the resemblance is striking. I don’t what I’m going to do when he gets older.” you chuckled and he did the same.
“Although that is worrying, don’t worry (Y/n). I’ve put up with my brother for years I know a trick or too. And mom is always available you know that.”
“I seriously couldn’t be more thankful to Mary for what she did during the last months of the pregnancy.” you let a sigh and he smiled.
“You’re family, (Y/n). Always been, there is no need to be thankful.”
“You know I still am, Sam.” you looked up at him “For everything.” you breathed out.
He gave you an awkward chuckle “No (Y/n), you don’t have to be thankful.” he shook his head, looking anywhere but you. And his hand rested on the small of your back subconsciously, not that you complained.
You let out a sigh dropping the subject altogether. You were glad that once you found out you were pregnant with Sammy that the older Sam started visiting more often and that he and Dean made up in the end, not that you doubted it. You knew that Sam had forgiven him way before he said it out loud. They were brothers, that was never going to change. There was only one thing you were hoping for, now that your life with Dean had settled and you were having a family of your own.
“Hey by the way Sammy-” Dean looked at his brother “-Why didn’t you bring Jess over?” he asked with a grin and a smile spread on your lips.
“Uh she- she was busy, had work you know. Besides this- this is kinda a family matter, she didn’t feel comfortable coming.It’s- it’s kinda early.” he shrugged with an awkward smile.
“Whatever suits you.” he shrugged, turning back to Cas.
“Jess?” you asked with a smirk and Sam rubbed a hand at the back of his neck nervously.
“Who is Jess? And how come I have not heard about her before?” you smirked at him, maybe a little more happy than you should be.
“It’s- it’s something new (Y/n). It’s pretty early too.” he shrugged awkwardly.
“Huh alright, but just letting you know that I will look forward to meeting her. Need to know a few things about her.” you gave him a soft smile and he nodded his head with a smile of his own.
“Just-” you spoke softly, fixing Sammy’s pacifier “-I hope you’re happy. That she’s worth it.”
“I am (Y/n), I swear. She- she makes me happy. She is really nice.”
“I’m glad then.” you gave him a warm smile as you walked towards Dean and he and Castiel got more comfortable in the couch.
“You are the first ones yet so just be a little patient.” you chuckled “I’ll bring something for you to drink in the meanwhile. What do you need?”
“Beer would be fine.” Sam gave you a smile and you nodded your head, looking at Cas who gave you an approving nod and you smiled.
“Beer it is. Baby, beer?” you asked Dean who nodded his head.
“Just- just let me take him.” he chuckled, his hand moving to hold the little boy “Are you sure you won’t need any help?” he asked and you shook your head.
“Nah I have Mary.” you winked, kissing his cheek before you left.
“Alright- Oh. Oh! (Y/n) wait- wa-wait a second! Sorry guys.” he gave Sam and Cas an awkward grin before following right after you.
Sam found himself letting out a chuckle as he watched you and Dean in the kitchen, Mary was there too. You were already a family and he caught himself letting out a happy sigh at the sight.
“Are you really Sam?” Castiel spoke after a little while, tilting his head and Sam frowned.
“What?”
“Happy. Are you really happy, even with Jessica… right?”
“Yeah Jess.” he sighed fidgeting with his hands before letting our a sigh “She is- she is great Cas. Caring, sweet, she- she loves me. She makes me happy, I guess.”
“You sure?” Castiel insisted and Sam let out a chuckle.
He sighed once more “I’m happy Cas, I am.”
“But not so much because of her?” he raised an eyebrow and Sam shrugged.
“As long as- as long as my brother and (Y/n) are happy then- then I don’t need anything else. I am happy.”
“But… you love her.” it was a statement and not a question, and Sam knew very well who he was referring to.
“Yes, but so does Dean. And if he makes her happy then- then so am I, Cas. Because she deserves it Cas, she deserves him. And he deserved her.” he let a small sigh and his smile fell as he looked down at his hands.
“And you don’t?” Castiel’s eyebrows shot up.
“Her happiness is mine. It will always be.” he shrugged softly.
“Why? Why are you so willing to do this then?”
“Because we’re friends, and that’s how it should be. That’s how it is going to be, and that is the only fair thing.” the smile returned to his lips as soon as you and Dean with Mary and Sammy entered the room again, you holding three beers.
“Because we’re-” he said in a low voice to Castiel and smiled at you as you handed him his beer with a warm smile.
“Friends after all”