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I didn't feel sorry. I thought I'd feel something like triumph or guilt, but it wasn't like this. It was his own fault for being so careless around me. It's not that I hadn't warned him. And yet...

A strand of his blond hair fell to my feet. I had been too clumsy with just one hand. I bent to the floor, took it up and put it in my pocket along with the other ones. He'd just have a few strands less in the morning, this idiot. I wondered whether he'd even notice it. Like on cue he started to make loud, snoring sounds now, probably to drive away bears and other hostile beasts. Yeah, sure, because they were found so often around hospitals. I smirked.

I took a seat and watched him sleeping for a while. I couldn't just go. Not yet. I tried to store in my mind as many images of him as possible. I'd need them to remember. Finally I raised and took a last sad look at his cheerful face. I'd really miss that sight.

I sneaked out of the room and returned to my own. Before I entered it I released the wards from my Genjutsu but left them sleeping. There still were a lot of things I was capable of with just one hand. I lay down on my bed and since I wasn't able to sleep I thought about the things that happened before.

Originally I had entered his room to settle things between us and then either die or become his lover, but I managed to fail epically at both. I wasn't in for his awkward reaction to the subject of what we really felt for each other, I thought he'd long before realized it, but he preferred to play dumb and deny it. That made me kind of mad. I felt rejected and worthless, so I became overwhelmed by my feelings of guilt instead. With that bloody debt on my shoulders I wasn't even worth standing beside him, much less love him. So how could I ever expect him to respond to my feelings? Long before I already had decided to erase my shame and sins by dying anyway. It seemed such a noble gesture at that moment. But he made it look ridiculous. Ah well... whatever.

What did I expect? I always knew that Naruto was homophobic and even for me it was hard to accept that I loved him this way. Though same sex relationships always have had their place in our society, they weren't really approved of. It was preferred not to talk about them in public, best to live them secretly.

So no way he'd ever admit his feelings for me were more than just friendship. And he was right. An open relationship would cause nothing but pain for us both. It would ruin our plans for the future and make us outsiders among our own people. Not to speak of having no offspring of our own. I couldn't allow that to happen. Neither for me nor - much more important - for Naruto.

Yet I knew I'd always love him. So I soon would have to go away as far as I could. I had to overcome my feelings somehow by bringing more distance between him and me.

I'd just make up some shitty excuse about exploring the world to be of more social use or so. He'd surely swallow that, provided that they wouldn't put me under custody, that is. A severe punishment would be likely, but maybe I could convince them to banish me for a while instead.

Whatever, I didn't care so much about that point. Whether it was jail or travelling, I had to get away from Naruto. But if I had to go, one way or another, I at least wanted a reminder of him. Some strands of his golden hair. I touched them in my pocket and immediately felt Naruto's presence. They were perfect. Maybe I could weave them into a chain. I'd wear it like the chain around my heart. Forever. In secret.

And with that thought in my mind I finally fell asleep.

Sakura made quite a fuss about my new injuries the other morning. Her eyes almost popped out and she stared at me with this painful, concerned look I couldn't bear. She spoke to me in her softest voice possible, a special, humble tone just for me. I never saw her acting like this when she was around Naruto. He usually got punched and scolded when he had hurt himself. I really hated her when she did that. He had enough problems and didn't need her to feel even more miserable.

But at the moment I didn't want to cause her further pain. She had suffered enough because of me. Kakashi hadn't gotten tired to tell me all about it. He definitely read too much Icha Icha, that annoying excuse of a mentor. But at some point his tales of all her endured hardship even reached my heart and let me feel sorry about her. I felt sorry about everything anyway.

I murmured something like "...fell out of my bed..." and Sakura stopped asking though it was unlikely that she really believed me. Whatever, she ceased her unnerving interrogation and started to heal me instead.

By the days passing by a lot of things happened. Neji's funeral and that of the other KIA's* were just a few of them. As a suspected criminal and traitor I wasn't allowed to attend the funeral of a war hero. I didn't care too much about missing it since I never could stand that arrogant bastard Neji anyway. But he had saved Naruto's life, so I had to remember to thank him in the afterlife. Whenever I'd get there, that is. I hadn't the intention to go there anytime soon thanks to Naruto.

The most surprising event was that shortly after the official acts Tsunade retired as Hokage. She stated that becoming ripped apart by her job never had been her intention in the first place and that whatever she'd done so far was enough for the rest of her lifetime. Also she murmured something about "...I'm becoming too old for that sort of shit...", a statement which nobody had expected ever to come from her lips. She denied to have said it afterwards anyway.

However, the council had to decide in a rush for the next Hokage and their choice fell on Kakashi. Though it wasn't surprising, I felt a bit sorry for Naruto. I knew he wanted that post so desperately and he'd have deserved at least a chance in my eyes. The council regarded him with favor, but just as a war hero. They thought Naruto was still too young and reckless to take over such a big responsibility, these old farts! Put that aside, he didn't even have a proper ranking, He had to become Chunin first and then Jounin before even considering him as Hokage. Bullshit! They very well knew Naruto and I were already high above Jounin rank, we didn't need a shitty exam to proof it. Nevertheless I had no doubt Kakashi'd make a rather good Hokage. If he ever ceased reading Icha Icha, that is.

Orochimaru and Kabuto simply had disappeared shortly after the ending of the war. They weren't seen of anymore. I wonder which dream they had when they stayed in Infinite Tsukuyomi.

Anko reappeared after a while. She had no idea what had happened to her, but she behaved a bit differently, not so daring anymore, even her cursemark was gone. Wild rumours about her were spread around, starting by being raped by Orochimaru up to having a secret affair with Iruka-sensei, but I didn't believe any of them since people in general are stupid.

Hell, I didn't even care about these things, but Sakura shot them at me nonstop and there was no escape...

Kakashi had a serious talk to me shortly after he became Hokage. He wanted to confirm I wouldn't go back on my old ways before he'd decide what to do with me.

As if I'd care. Everything I could think of was Naruto, yet I refused to see him. Sakura didn't tell him the truth. She always excused it by the bad medical state I was in. After all I wasn't a Jinchuriki and broken ribs wouldn't heal that fast. He believed it and probably showed some guilt, that idiot.

However, I would have to talk to him eventually, I was pretty much aware of that fact, but tried everything to avoid it as long as possible. I already knew how he'd react.

Kakashi told me that the other Kages had agreed on forgiving my crimes in exchange for my help in the war. He also told me that their decision mainly was influenced by Naruto's plead, who was allowed to speak for my case. Great. Now I even felt more miserable. I assured Kakashi to do everything in my power to make up for my sins but pleaded to have a longer time-out before I'd do so. He wasn't amused at that thought and declined adamantly. I tried almost everything to convince him, even offered my remaining arm and both of my eyes, but I couldn't change his mind. So in the end I had to tell him my true reasons. He wasn't surprised about it at all, that pervert. But he sure was surprised about Naruto's reaction.

He offered to talk to him, but I heavily refused. I think I even threatened to kill him if he ever talked to Naruto about my feelings. Eventually he gave up and left it all to me, like always. He hadn't changed one bit, Hokage or not. Good for me, I guess.

I had to swear an oath of loyalty to him and the village on my eyes, then he'd let me go. I had never expected it to be easy anyway.

When I finally told Naruto I was going away, he got so mad at me that I thought, he'd kill me. Luckily Kakashi and Sakura were there to calm him down, so I didn't get hit again, but he yelled at me in a way that I thought our friendship was broken forever.

After that he didn't show up on me anymore. Though I had achieved what I wanted, I felt hollow inside. The feeling of loss was unbearable, so I packed my things as soon as possible to get away from Konoha and, much more important, from Naruto.

Kakashi and Sakura awaited me to say good bye. Sakura was looking at me with her puppy eyes and asking whether I wouldn't want to wait for my prothetic arm, but I couldn't risk to wait any longer. I had to get away as fast as possible before I rechanged my mind and did something silly. So I told her some shit about exploring the world before I lost the right feeling. It's always amazing which amount of crap people are willing to swallow in order not to destroy their own hopes.

Kakashi was lecturing me about not leaving the right path again, how it was possible to let me go, who'd given their word for me and all this blahblah. I didn't even listen to it, just said something casual, something they both wished to hear. All what I could think of was Naruto, that he wouldn't come to see me wandering off again.

It hurt, but I had to endure it. It was for the better for us both.

Suddenly Sakura came up with a really weird idea, blabbering something about coming with me. Great, just what I needed! When she peeked at me I rejected her request firmly. She sunk together like a balloon losing its air and I instantly regretted my impolite behaviour. I thought of all the pain she had gone through while still hoping for her silly love dreams about me to come true. I couldn't tell her it was hopeless. Hell, even I sometimes have a heart. She had saved my life after all and I really acknowledged her as a comrade. The least I could do was cheering her up a bit. While I still thought of a way how to do it descreetly, my body already moved of its own and I found myself tapping on her big forehead. It was too tempting, I guess. I mumbled some words about "...next time, coming back soon..." and whatever empty phrases came into my mind. It wasn't the worst I could do since I remembered Itachi doing that all the time to me when I still was a kid. My actions expressed my brotherly feelings for her quite well, or so I hoped. Whatever, she started to smile again, so it seemed good enough to me.

I turned my back on the gates of Konoha and, for a second time in my life, left the village. Just that this time I didn't do it as a criminal.

I was really surprised to see Naruto leaning on a tree just a few yards away from the village.

"I didn't think you'd come.", I said. I had difficulties to keep my voice steady, yet I managed somehow.

"Mm." He looked reproachfully at me with a taint of sadness, almost as if he was about to cry.

Full of guilt I stared down to the ground. I didn't have any right to talk this casually to him. He had lost his arm due to my serious attempt to kill him and even though he didn't give up on me. Not one single moment. And all I did in exchange was leaving him behind for a second time.

I looked up again just to see his eyes piercing through me. He showed a daring face as if he knew about everything going on in the world. Including my sorry self.

Now I was sure he had been acting in that night. He harboured the same feelings for me as I for him, he just denied them. Lying to yourself is so convenient after all.

He rummaged in his pants and I already hoped for a very special good bye present (you always can hope, even when it's foolish, can't you?). When he brought out my old forehead protector I almost had to laugh. But when I touched it, I felt that it was more than a reminder of the past. It was a promise to see each other again some day. I felt a lump in my throat and couldn't say anything.

I just held on it as he did. For a moment I felt united with him. But we couldn't continue standing here forever like 2 idiots. I looked in his eyes and felt something I've never felt before: Hope.

It filled my heart with joy and provided me with the needed strength for the long, stony way I had chosen to go. The tight chain around my heart loosened a bit and I thought about the chain hidden under my cloak. That chain woven out of Naruto's golden hair. Suddenly I felt a warmth within me like being struck by the first rays of sunlight. I smiled internally.

"I'll keep this until things between us really are settled." I stated with newfound faith and he nodded.

One day I'll come back for you Naruto, just wait!

End of part 2, to be continued...

*Short for: Killed In Action

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body div#devskin0 hr { }

I didn't feel sorry. I thought I'd feel something like triumph or guilt, but it wasn't like this. It was his own fault for being so careless around me. It's not that I hadn't warned him. And yet...

A strand of his blond hair fell to my feet. I had been too clumsy with just one hand. I bent to the floor, took it up and put it in my pocket along with the other ones. He'd just have a few strands less in the morning, this idiot. I wondered whether he'd even notice it. Like on cue he started to make loud, snoring sounds now, probably to drive away bears and other hostile beasts. Yeah, sure, because they were found so often around hospitals. I smirked.

I took a seat and watched him sleeping for a while. I couldn't just go. Not yet. I tried to store in my mind as many images of him as possible. I'd need them to remember. Finally I raised and took a last sad look at his cheerful face. I'd really miss that sight.

I sneaked out of the room and returned to my own. Before I entered it I released the wards from my Genjutsu but left them sleeping. There still were a lot of things I was capable of with just one hand. I lay down on my bed and since I wasn't able to sleep I thought about the things that happened before.

Originally I had entered his room to settle things between us and then either die or become his lover, but I managed to fail epically at both. I wasn't in for his awkward reaction to the subject of what we really felt for each other, I thought he'd long before realized it, but he preferred to play dumb and deny it. That made me kind of mad. I felt rejected and worthless, so I became overwhelmed by my feelings of guilt instead. With that bloody debt on my shoulders I wasn't even worth standing beside him, much less love him. So how could I ever expect him to respond to my feelings? Long before I already had decided to erase my shame and sins by dying anyway. It seemed such a noble gesture at that moment. But he made it look ridiculous. Ah well... whatever.

What did I expect? I always knew that Naruto was homophobic and even for me it was hard to accept that I loved him this way. Though same sex relationships always have had their place in our society, they weren't really approved of. It was preferred not to talk about them in public, best to live them secretly.

So no way he'd ever admit his feelings for me were more than just friendship. And he was right. An open relationship would cause nothing but pain for us both. It would ruin our plans for the future and make us outsiders among our own people. Not to speak of having no offspring of our own. I couldn't allow that to happen. Neither for me nor - much more important - for Naruto.

Yet I knew I'd always love him. So I soon would have to go away as far as I could. I had to overcome my feelings somehow by bringing more distance between him and me.

I'd just make up some shitty excuse about exploring the world to be of more social use or so. He'd surely swallow that, provided that they wouldn't put me under custody, that is. A severe punishment would be likely, but maybe I could convince them to banish me for a while instead.

Whatever, I didn't care so much about that point. Whether it was jail or travelling, I had to get away from Naruto. But if I had to go, one way or another, I at least wanted a reminder of him. Some strands of his golden hair. I touched them in my pocket and immediately felt Naruto's presence. They were perfect. Maybe I could weave them into a chain. I'd wear it like the chain around my heart. Forever. In secret.

And with that thought in my mind I finally fell asleep.

Sakura made quite a fuss about my new injuries the other morning. Her eyes almost popped out and she stared at me with this painful, concerned look I couldn't bear. She spoke to me in her softest voice possible, a special, humble tone just for me. I never saw her acting like this when she was around Naruto. He usually got punched and scolded when he had hurt himself. I really hated her when she did that. He had enough problems and didn't need her to feel even more miserable.

But at the moment I didn't want to cause her further pain. She had suffered enough because of me. Kakashi hadn't gotten tired to tell me all about it. He definitely read too much Icha Icha, that annoying excuse of a mentor. But at some point his tales of all her endured hardship even reached my heart and let me feel sorry about her. I felt sorry about everything anyway.

I murmured something like "...fell out of my bed..." and Sakura stopped asking though it was unlikely that she really believed me. Whatever, she ceased her unnerving interrogation and started to heal me instead.

By the days passing by a lot of things happened. Neji's funeral and that of the other KIA's* were just a few of them. As a suspected criminal and traitor I wasn't allowed to attend the funeral of a war hero. I didn't care too much about missing it since I never could stand that arrogant bastard Neji anyway. But he had saved Naruto's life, so I had to remember to thank him in the afterlife. Whenever I'd get there, that is. I hadn't the intention to go there anytime soon thanks to Naruto.

The most surprising event was that shortly after the official acts Tsunade retired as Hokage. She stated that becoming ripped apart by her job never had been her intention in the first place and that whatever she'd done so far was enough for the rest of her lifetime. Also she murmured something about "...I'm becoming too old for that sort of shit...", a statement which nobody had expected ever to come from her lips. She denied to have said it afterwards anyway.

However, the council had to decide in a rush for the next Hokage and their choice fell on Kakashi. Though it wasn't surprising, I felt a bit sorry for Naruto. I knew he wanted that post so desperately and he'd have deserved at least a chance in my eyes. The council regarded him with favor, but just as a war hero. They thought Naruto was still too young and reckless to take over such a big responsibility, these old farts! Put that aside, he didn't even have a proper ranking, He had to become Chunin first and then Jounin before even considering him as Hokage. Bullshit! They very well knew Naruto and I were already high above Jounin rank, we didn't need a shitty exam to proof it. Nevertheless I had no doubt Kakashi'd make a rather good Hokage. If he ever ceased reading Icha Icha, that is.

Orochimaru and Kabuto simply had disappeared shortly after the ending of the war. They weren't seen of anymore. I wonder which dream they had when they stayed in Infinite Tsukuyomi.

Anko reappeared after a while. She had no idea what had happened to her, but she behaved a bit differently, not so daring anymore, even her cursemark was gone. Wild rumours about her were spread around, starting by being raped by Orochimaru up to having a secret affair with Iruka-sensei, but I didn't believe any of them since people in general are stupid.

Hell, I didn't even care about these things, but Sakura shot them at me nonstop and there was no escape...

Kakashi had a serious talk to me shortly after he became Hokage. He wanted to confirm I wouldn't go back on my old ways before he'd decide what to do with me.

As if I'd care. Everything I could think of was Naruto, yet I refused to see him. Sakura didn't tell him the truth. She always excused it by the bad medical state I was in. After all I wasn't a Jinchuriki and broken ribs wouldn't heal that fast. He believed it and probably showed some guilt, that idiot.

However, I would have to talk to him eventually, I was pretty much aware of that fact, but tried everything to avoid it as long as possible. I already knew how he'd react.

Kakashi told me that the other Kages had agreed on forgiving my crimes in exchange for my help in the war. He also told me that their decision mainly was influenced by Naruto's plead, who was allowed to speak for my case. Great. Now I even felt more miserable. I assured Kakashi to do everything in my power to make up for my sins but pleaded to have a longer time-out before I'd do so. He wasn't amused at that thought and declined adamantly. I tried almost everything to convince him, even offered my remaining arm and both of my eyes, but I couldn't change his mind. So in the end I had to tell him my true reasons. He wasn't surprised about it at all, that pervert. But he sure was surprised about Naruto's reaction.

He offered to talk to him, but I heavily refused. I think I even threatened to kill him if he ever talked to Naruto about my feelings. Eventually he gave up and left it all to me, like always. He hadn't changed one bit, Hokage or not. Good for me, I guess.

I had to swear an oath of loyalty to him and the village on my eyes, then he'd let me go. I had never expected it to be easy anyway.

When I finally told Naruto I was going away, he got so mad at me that I thought, he'd kill me. Luckily Kakashi and Sakura were there to calm him down, so I didn't get hit again, but he yelled at me in a way that I thought our friendship was broken forever.

After that he didn't show up on me anymore. Though I had achieved what I wanted, I felt hollow inside. The feeling of loss was unbearable, so I packed my things as soon as possible to get away from Konoha and, much more important, from Naruto.

Kakashi and Sakura awaited me to say good bye. Sakura was looking at me with her puppy eyes and asking whether I wouldn't want to wait for my prothetic arm, but I couldn't risk to wait any longer. I had to get away as fast as possible before I rechanged my mind and did something silly. So I told her some shit about exploring the world before I lost the right feeling. It's always amazing which amount of crap people are willing to swallow in order not to destroy their own hopes.

Kakashi was lecturing me about not leaving the right path again, how it was possible to let me go, who'd given their word for me and all this blahblah. I didn't even listen to it, just said something casual, something they both wished to hear. All what I could think of was Naruto, that he wouldn't come to see me wandering off again.

It hurt, but I had to endure it. It was for the better for us both.

Suddenly Sakura came up with a really weird idea, blabbering something about coming with me. Great, just what I needed! When she peeked at me I rejected her request firmly. She sunk together like a balloon losing its air and I instantly regretted my impolite behaviour. I thought of all the pain she had gone through while still hoping for her silly love dreams about me to come true. I couldn't tell her it was hopeless. Hell, even I sometimes have a heart. She had saved my life after all and I really acknowledged her as a comrade. The least I could do was cheering her up a bit. While I still thought of a way how to do it descreetly, my body already moved of its own and I found myself tapping on her big forehead. It was too tempting, I guess. I mumbled some words about "...next time, coming back soon..." and whatever empty phrases came into my mind. It wasn't the worst I could do since I remembered Itachi doing that all the time to me when I still was a kid. My actions expressed my brotherly feelings for her quite well, or so I hoped. Whatever, she started to smile again, so it seemed good enough to me.

I turned my back on the gates of Konoha and, for a second time in my life, left the village. Just that this time I didn't do it as a criminal.

I was really surprised to see Naruto leaning on a tree just a few yards away from the village.

"I didn't think you'd come.", I said. I had difficulties to keep my voice steady, yet I managed somehow.

"Mm." He looked reproachfully at me with a taint of sadness, almost as if he was about to cry.

Full of guilt I stared down to the ground. I didn't have any right to talk this casually to him. He had lost his arm due to my serious attempt to kill him and even though he didn't give up on me. Not one single moment. And all I did in exchange was leaving him behind for a second time.

I looked up again just to see his eyes piercing through me. He showed a daring face as if he knew about everything going on in the world. Including my sorry self.

Now I was sure he had been acting in that night. He harboured the same feelings for me as I for him, he just denied them. Lying to yourself is so convenient after all.

He rummaged in his pants and I already hoped for a very special good bye present (you always can hope, even when it's foolish, can't you?). When he brought out my old forehead protector I almost had to laugh. But when I touched it, I felt that it was more than a reminder of the past. It was a promise to see each other again some day. I felt a lump in my throat and couldn't say anything.

I just held on it as he did. For a moment I felt united with him. But we couldn't continue standing here forever like 2 idiots. I looked in his eyes and felt something I've never felt before: Hope.

It filled my heart with joy and provided me with the needed strength for the long, stony way I had chosen to go. The tight chain around my heart loosened a bit and I thought about the chain hidden under my cloak. That chain woven out of Naruto's golden hair. Suddenly I felt a warmth within me like being struck by the first rays of sunlight. I smiled internally.

"I'll keep this until things between us really are settled." I stated with newfound faith and he nodded.

One day I'll come back for you Naruto, just wait!

End of part 2, to be continued...

*Short for: Killed In Action