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ApocalipsePony — Depressed (part 1)
#cervidae #deer #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #originalcharacter #series #mentalhealthawareness #deeroc #depressiongirl #depressionart
Published: 2020-04-14 07:38:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 461; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 0
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Description
(MENTAL ILLNESS AND TRIGGER WARNING)YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
This is the beginning of my mental illness series. I have a lot of mental problems along with physical so I wanted to do something around that. In each deviation description I will talk about how the illness affects me. Weather it is one of my mental issues or one that someone I care about has.
Depression runs in my family pretty hard, I get it from my father’s side and every female and a few males have it. Luckily(ish) no one has committed suicide. On the other hand I am 98% getting cancer. Cancer and medical error is the only reason anyone has died on that side of my family. I don’t know my mothers side well enough to know how I will die there. This and a troubled childhood maxed me out on antidepressants. There are days I forget to take my meds and those days it takes every bit of my energy to not just end it and that sucks. I like living when I am on meds . With recent issues I am left alone with my thoughts for way too long some nights. Along with everyone in my family having depression, 99% of my friends and acquaintances have it as well. This makes reaching out to a loved one super difficult since I always feel that I am not bad enough to bother them. This sucks too. I saw a therapist for a while but
1. She pretty much just said the same things as google
2. She cost too much money and the thought of my dad having to pay 60$ an hour for some lady to quote google made it worse
And lastly 3. I was sent there for aggression so she was really bad about making things 100x worse.
Oh yeah and I wasn’t allowed to lay down on the couch and that made me mad.
I was always kinda a sad kid and as I got older I learned about depression and neglect and when I put the pieces together I found out that both were a problem. CPS took away my brothers when I was pretty little so I never got to know my eldest brother Chris. Patric and I stay in touch and that works but he tends to not answer texts and hates being called so I never want to bother him either. I am aware of all of my mental health issues but only medicate one. Taking anxiety meds counteracts antidepressants and makes the depression worse so I had the choice of always fearing the worst or feeling like I am the worst. I can deal with the fear. My teacher wanted us to write a poem on our “burden” and I think that lined up with my school counselor calling up too much.
My poem:
Milk goes bad
Years are short
Buring friends are a given
Unlovable to most
Rejected by others
Death will come
Everything will happen for a reason
Never going to give up
Some days bad things will happen
Doesn’t mean I can’t cope
I will live
Everything will be fine
Thank you for reading or just skimming
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Comments: 25
That does not sound like a good therapist. Did she say why you weren't allowed to lie down?? That's so odd. Did she or anyone else tell you specifically what type of therapy she was going to be providing?
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It was mostly just anger management therapy but honestly the thing that really helped was when I learned to look from other perspectives and that came from my parole officer at the time. Really I was just a kid that yelled at the wrong chick and ended up in a bad situation. I also don't like how wrong I feel for saying I had a PO. She really helped me out through a bad situation and made sure I was safe. I liked her.
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Oh trust me, no judgement here. One of my better friends from elementary to high school got sent to a juvenile detention center for an entire year over an accident. She wore her hunting jacket to school and forgot to take her knife out of the pocket before she put it on that morning. Long story short: it fell out of the pocket when she was grabbing it out of her locker, everyone saw it, zero tolerance policy for weapons, she got arrested.
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Oof, that would suck. I was lucky and the school liked me a bit since I was their biggest form of diversity at the time, then we got a black student in 6th grade and they stopped caring about what happened to me. I allegedly brought a weapon to school when really it was a home made back scratcher. It was unrelated to the incident and the girl saw it in my bag. I never even took it out or showed it to anyone. I saw it as just a cool arts and crafts thing I made since I got a bug bite on my back. She thought I was going to stab her with a blunt fork. In 5th grade. We still talk and she never apologized for almost ruining my life over a misunderstanding.
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Hahahahahahaha "then we got a black student"..... That sounds a lot like my school. I think there were maybe 5 kids in the whole district who weren't white Christians. One time in second grade there was a Jewish kid, but he moved away halfway through the school year. What's weird is when people who came from more diverse places try to shame me for coming from a place like that, as if I or my parents made a conscious decision to live there for that reason. 
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Yeah. I have a world history class and my teacher is pretty chill. She actually teaches us about the history of other places. Also I am having one of those mental rants in my head because all day my great aunt has been pretty rude. She called a gay couple a "couple of fags" And when I told her that she should probably have her cows hooves trimmed she just kept shooting it down and making me sound like I had no idea what I was saying. So in the end it just let her do whatever and went directly to my 2nd cousin and showed her on her calves hoof where it was already becoming messed up. They walk on soft ground so you can't see all the damage their hooves have and my cousins kept on shooting me down until I showed them first hand and pointed out a crack the calf had in one of its toes. I am aware they have two toes each hoof and two tiny dew claws but the baby had a small fracture on its hoof and had shown some trouble getting up from laying on the muddy ground. Grown cows should have their hooves trimmed and inspected by a professional every 6 months. These cows have never seen professional care and when they show any sign of pain they are put down for lameness. YOU CAN TREAT A LAME COW. but alas she thinks that anything someone under the age of 50 says is bs. It gets annoying and I am going to probably try to have a nice long discussion about it when I go over there.
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That is an amazing idea! I'll see what I can do.
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Something is better than nothing.
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That's really painful ;n; *sigh* I wish that person is still alive and everyone can cure the cancer. But, NOOOOooooo stupid corporate stop him and make false about it. And that? That technology have been lost forever by them. No one never believe and other believe... Well, mostly never believe DX It is about stupid greedy money they are -_- Yes, I saw lost technology from the Youtube video... Other things? Eh, not wanted to make it worst... You know? Don't want people get become sadder :c
I do hope you getting better there about this. Talk to your friend of da stuff and they are here for you. Or listen to music to calm yourself up ^u^ 
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I never know what to say either. I usually just sleep until it’s better nowadays. Also never heard of that first idea. I’ll have to look into it. I still believe that this is all just a simulation and no one can tell me otherwise.
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I saw people having depress and vent alot, but... I just don't know what to say and I getting tired of saying same old word ;n;
Oh, that's real ^^ He save only 2 or less or more against the cancer until what I say about greed DX Oh, if you saw those lost Technology? There's more lost technology which is... Yeah, scientist jealous and murder them, and greed and stuff >.> Just don't believe them since, corporate LOVE to telling lies... My brother do so much research DX Like Hospital, why Hospital bill cost high? Because of corporate -_- Yes, Corporate and company control everything and including the government.
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Ahh, that's terrible, I'm planning on becoming a therapist, the fact someone would just quote Google isn't right at all.
What I say comes from the heart, especially for my friends, I've been through depression too, almost committing suicide at some points.
So I really understand where your coming from, and I do hope things get better, I know we're strangers, but if you ever need to chat or need someone to talk to, I'll be around
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People usually don't know how to deal/help with this issue when it's posted, but it's better to comment some support then avoid the issue at all costs. Like offering a shoulder to lean on.
Ignoring things like this won't make the problem go away.
And it won't help the person involved.
So happy to help! And you're welcome! Go ahead and post the others, I'll be reading them, and hopefully, I can help more ^o^
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Aw thanks! Happy to help! ^0^
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Happy your here
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