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The reason?

6 years ago, I had lost

hope, all parts of myself,

like a blank slate and complete mess at

the same time.

But it was He that reminded me

who I was.

6 years ago I stood

in my kitchen holding a knife

to my chest,

thinking that metal would be

my salvation

but He whispered to me,

“That is not what you’re here for.”

There were times where I couldn’t

even hear a whisper.

My doubts enveloped me with vicious vigor,

yet my downcast soul still held some light.

It was still willing to fight for what is right.

Little did I know that in my plight

God was already bringing me back to life,

pushing away

darkness with light,

despair with hope,

sickness with healing.

Slowly breaking barriers,

lies I told myself

and drowned in,

insecurities I could never

conquer on my own strength.

When I stood

in His presence,

emotion was poured back into my bones,

so I know He lives, He is here.

For how could an apathetic and depressed soul

like mine feel anything,

having been drained by my mistakes

and regrets

and a life I thought was too terrible

to even bother with?

And yet even when I did not feel

anything, when I imagined my body

as a shell, looking up at humanity from

my glass prison,

I still felt Him.

The still, small voice penetrated through my brain,

He whispered, “You will endure.”

And I said “God, you tell me you have plans for me,

that this is not the end of my story,

but I can’t see! I can’t see it.”

In my cage was only silence and darkness,

I could not see that there was also

God’s goodness,

His intervention.

Because in the midst of this darkness,

He gave me my purpose:

He gave me words.

A calling, the Holy Spirit

pound, pound, pounding the life back into my heart

with every word I typed.

He gave me words,

stories, He gave me a voice.

My world was no longer silent,

but filled with the hope of existence.

He gave me an outlet for what was inside me,

and I didn’t realize then that he was guiding me.

Words used to be my greatest enemy,

my tongue locked by social anxiety,

my hands making illegible scribbling.

All I had wanted to do was sing

an empty song and gain empty riches.

But the Lord showed me what my real passion is.

Out of my deep slumber

came a purpose, a stream of light—

a constellation of clarity:

Out of my nothingness God made the best part of me.

The one that can glorify Him with my mind, my soul, my body.

I am the bride,

rid of guilt,

unbound from shame,

known in true identity

as a daughter of

the undoubtedly living, true God.

With Christ

I have meaning.

Through Him, I love.

He transcends even the most shattered of hearts

into works of beautiful art.

So I will pen on the page, Jesus is Lord!

I will type in all caps, PRAISE THE LORD!

I will shout to the skies, God is alive!

Because He saved me.

Not just on the cross.

I believe in Jesus because He saved me from my misery.

I believe that through God, I can overcome anything.

Description
body div#devskin0 hr { }

The reason?

6 years ago, I had lost

hope, all parts of myself,

like a blank slate and complete mess at

the same time.

But it was He that reminded me

who I was.

6 years ago I stood

in my kitchen holding a knife

to my chest,

thinking that metal would be

my salvation

but He whispered to me,

“That is not what you’re here for.”

There were times where I couldn’t

even hear a whisper.

My doubts enveloped me with vicious vigor,

yet my downcast soul still held some light.

It was still willing to fight for what is right.

Little did I know that in my plight

God was already bringing me back to life,

pushing away

darkness with light,

despair with hope,

sickness with healing.

Slowly breaking barriers,

lies I told myself

and drowned in,

insecurities I could never

conquer on my own strength.

When I stood

in His presence,

emotion was poured back into my bones,

so I know He lives, He is here.

For how could an apathetic and depressed soul

like mine feel anything,

having been drained by my mistakes

and regrets

and a life I thought was too terrible

to even bother with?

And yet even when I did not feel

anything, when I imagined my body

as a shell, looking up at humanity from

my glass prison,

I still felt Him.

The still, small voice penetrated through my brain,

He whispered, “You will endure.”

And I said “God, you tell me you have plans for me,

that this is not the end of my story,

but I can’t see! I can’t see it.”

In my cage was only silence and darkness,

I could not see that there was also

God’s goodness,

His intervention.

Because in the midst of this darkness,

He gave me my purpose:

He gave me words.

A calling, the Holy Spirit

pound, pound, pounding the life back into my heart

with every word I typed.

He gave me words,

stories, He gave me a voice.

My world was no longer silent,

but filled with the hope of existence.

He gave me an outlet for what was inside me,

and I didn’t realize then that he was guiding me.

Words used to be my greatest enemy,

my tongue locked by social anxiety,

my hands making illegible scribbling.

All I had wanted to do was sing

an empty song and gain empty riches.

But the Lord showed me what my real passion is.

Out of my deep slumber

came a purpose, a stream of light—

a constellation of clarity:

Out of my nothingness God made the best part of me.

The one that can glorify Him with my mind, my soul, my body.

I am the bride,

rid of guilt,

unbound from shame,

known in true identity

as a daughter of

the undoubtedly living, true God.

With Christ

I have meaning.

Through Him, I love.

He transcends even the most shattered of hearts

into works of beautiful art.

So I will pen on the page, Jesus is Lord!

I will type in all caps, PRAISE THE LORD!

I will shout to the skies, God is alive!

Because He saved me.

Not just on the cross.

I believe in Jesus because He saved me from my misery.

I believe that through God, I can overcome anything.