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"Can we open purresents now?"

Nepeta purred, adopting her most pleading expression.

"I suppose it would be time for that..."

"I want to fucking go home already, spending extended time in all of you dipshit's company is making me feel stupider than usual. It's like you're slowly dissolving my think pan through your saturated fuckass aura."

All twelve of the trolls had gathered at Kanaya's hive for a 12th Perigree's Eve party (since Kanaya could be counted on to keep them from trying to kill one another), though some a little more unwillingly than others.

"Hey, KK, thut the fuck up, you're ruining the atmothphere."

"I wasn't talking to you, Captor, mind your own dual-toned business."

"Uh, actually, I think you, uh, were addressing everyone in the room when you said that, Karkat, uh, sorry if I'm wrong, I probably am..."

"No, you're right, dear. Karkat please stop disturbing the peace or I may have to kick you out."

"Finally," Karkat muttered, but he hunched down in his fluffy grey sweaterneck and was quiet. Screw everyone else's opinion, this thing was fucking warm, he didn't care if he looked like a tool. They were probably just jealous they didn't have a fluffy sweaterneck of their own.

This whole setting was beginning to make him nauseous, really. It would be a blessing for Kanaya to make well on her threat and dump him outside. The cheerfulness of everyone, getting along for once, even saying nice things to each other-- seriously? Vriska complimenting Eridan's absurd clothing getup? What the fuck?-- was unnatural and even a little bit creepy. He would be glad when he was finally allowed to abscond the fuck out of here, go back to his hive, maybe watch some Christmas special with his lusus or something.

"Aww, Vwiskra! Heehee, you shouldn't have! A new paint set?" Nepeta's small, enthusiastic voice gushed from somewhere to his left.

"Now you can properly color in those walls of yours, because using the smattered gore of various beasts is a liiiiiiiiittle bit creepy, even for me."

And now they were showering lavish gifts upon one another like a flock of seagulls shitting all over the ground in elegant synchronization. Goopy white streams, descending from the sky, coating everyone's heads in sticky, sickening, liquid shit.

He wouldn't even care if he got any. Nope.

Not. At. All.

"And for you, Sol, I present to you this premium dieting book!"

Eridan's high, presitigous accent penetrated Karkat's steaming haze of hatred thoughts.

He glanced over to see Eridan, waving a thick paperback book in front of Sollux, who was sitting on the ground admist a sea of crumpled bows and wrapping paper.

"... I don't want that."

"W-why not?" Eridan tripped a little over the first syllable, his face falling into one of insurmountable anguish. "I picked it out specially and eweythi--"

"I'm not fat, dipthit."

"But...!"

"Hahaha, you got rejected again, fuckass!"

"Karkat what did I say about being nice to your fellow companions."

"Sorry."

Eridan stomped off, presumably to go wallow in self-pity that his beautiful gift had failed to win over Sollux.

"Whoah, Tavbro, hahaha, it's a motherfucking miracle!"

"You, uh, really like it, Gamzee?"

More bullshit being ladled out onto the heads of willing fuckasses. Hell, who in their right mind would want the lumpy piece of fluff and wasted effort that Tavros was trying to pass off as some kind of stuffed musclebeast?

Oh, yeah. Gamzee wasn't in his right mind. Well played, wheelchair-bound fairyboy, well played.

"Dentureth, KK, really?"

Karkat snapped his head up, to where Sollux was standing right next to him, a pair of dentures dangling from one hand.

"Well... yeah. Fuck you and your stupid lisp, at least you can talk like a normal troll now! What the fuck did you want?"

Sollux seemed to consider the dentures in his hand for a moment.

"Ith my lithp really that annoying, KK?"

"Yes, you annoying douchebucket of slop, why else would I have made a special trip to the elderly shop of horrors for your ass, I don't get why you're smirking so fucking hard, Captor, you should be bowing down to me in show of your insurmountable, undying gratitu-- what the fuck why are you in my face Captor back off dammit seriously what the fuck."

Sollux leaned in, their noses almost touching, his stupid heterochromatic lensed shades right in Karkat's face.

"Hmm, I wath under the imprethion that you found it... endearing, perhapth."

Fuck Captor, fuck him and his whoring ways and fuck that amusement in his tone and fuck him for completely barging in on his personal little bubble of space, like what the fuck, at least knock first asshole, this was sexual harrassment he was such a fucking dick just fuck off okay.

"Well... it's not, so just... fuck you!"

Fuck Captor for stealing all of his stinging, barbed comebacks.

"Don't you jutht dream of it, KK."

And then the Gemini was sauntering back over to his mountain of discarded wrapping supplies, arrogance in his every move.

Fuck Captor for screwing with his head, what the fuck, alright well, two can play at that game, that contemptous pile of festering hoofbeast shi--

"Aren't you gonna open my gift, KK?"

Sollux called, interrupting his train of thought yet again god that fucking douche.

Karkat glanced down to the floor beside him, where a innocent-looking bag with that colorful, festive tissue paper shit barfing out the top.

He glanced at Sollux suspiciously, who waved from the other side of the room, then hesitantly picked up the bag and shook it. He pulled out the disgustingly colored tissue paper, idly musing what would be in there, probably some romcom that he already owned, or maybe another "How to Computer Program: For Dummies" book (he had six of them, now), or--

What was this hideous red fabric in his hands and why did it have a fluffy white hem and oh my god was this a fucking dress.

It was.

It was a fucking Santa Claus dress, complete with a little hat and everything, and what kind of sick perverted mind did Captor have, he was going to fucking kill him.

"Thomething wrong, KK?"

"CAPTOR, YOU ORNERY ABYSS OF FUCKASSERY AND DOUCHEBAGGERY, I AM GOING TO FUCKING RIP OUT YOUR CARDIOVASCULAR ORGAN AND STUFF IT DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE. THEN I SHALL TAKE GRAINY WEBCAM IMAGES ON MY HUSKTOP AND POST THEM TO SOME POPULAR ART-CENTRIC WEBSITE, ENTITLED "ABSTRACT WORK NUMBER 922", WHERE EVERYONE WILL GUSH AND FAVORITE IT AND TALK ABOUT WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS PRODIGY I AM. IT WILL BE FEATURED ALL OVER THE INTERNET. TROLLS OF ALL AGES WILL SEE MY IMAGE AND WISH THEY WERE AS GREAT AND MIGHTY AS I. I AM NEVER, EVER, IN A MILLION SWEEPS, WEARING THIS HORRENDOUS ABOMINATION TO NATURE ITSELF, SO FUCK YOU AND YOUR PERVERTED MIND AND GO CHOKE ON ERIDAN'S BULGE."

The room fell silent.

Everyone stared.

Eridan perked up from his corner of woe and self-pity.

Karkat thought he might have broken Nepeta's think pan.

Tavros started making some choked noise in the back of his throat that sounded like "uh-uh-uh-uh", then Gamzee started yelling, "Breathe, motherfucker, holy shit!" and pounded him on the back repeatedly.

With that, the frozen silence melted, everyone reanimating themselves and immediately going back to chattering. This was Karkat, after all, perfectly normal conduct for him, even on a holiday such as this. No one was really bothered.

Except for one.

"Karkat, please go stand outside in the corner in time out, I shall come talk to you in a few minutes and reprimand you for continuing such unseemingly conduct even after I told you very kindly to please stop."

---

All through dinner, Karkat wouldn't look at him.

When Kanaya guided the steaming, short little rageball back inside, he sat down in his chair at the table and refused to talk to anyone.

Sollux found it quite amusing, really, and took every opportunity he could to ask Karkat to pass him one thing or another, which he would, scowling, still stubbornly refusing to look at him.

After dinner, Sollux trotted back to the kitchen from the bathroom to help clean up, but was stopped by Karkat in the hallway, surprisingly enough.

He had something green in his hand, arm held above their heads, an even deeper scowl on his face than he had at dinner, face slowly turning red.

"... What the fuck ith that?" Sollux raised an eyebrow, and the angry, embarrassed blush on Karkat's face deepened.

"It's mistletoe, dumbass, what the fuck else would it possibly be?" He snapped.

"And...?"

"And what? You're supposed to kiss me now, fuckass. Is your underfed think pan really so dense that you don't know what standing under mistletoe entails?"

He looked so embarrassed with himself, so frustrated, that it was all Sollux could do not to burst out laughing.

He leaned down, bumping foreheads with Karkat, his breath tickling his skin.

Their lips had almost brushed, when Sollux suddenly straightened up, patting him on the head.

"Only if you wear the prethent I got you, KK. Only then."

He sauntered past him, back towards the kitchen, smugness radiating from every pore of his being.

"... Fuck you!"

Description
"Can we open purresents now?"

Nepeta purred, adopting her most pleading expression.

"I suppose it would be time for that..."

"I want to fucking go home already, spending extended time in all of you dipshit's company is making me feel stupider than usual. It's like you're slowly dissolving my think pan through your saturated fuckass aura."

All twelve of the trolls had gathered at Kanaya's hive for a 12th Perigree's Eve party (since Kanaya could be counted on to keep them from trying to kill one another), though some a little more unwillingly than others.

"Hey, KK, thut the fuck up, you're ruining the atmothphere."

"I wasn't talking to you, Captor, mind your own dual-toned business."

"Uh, actually, I think you, uh, were addressing everyone in the room when you said that, Karkat, uh, sorry if I'm wrong, I probably am..."

"No, you're right, dear. Karkat please stop disturbing the peace or I may have to kick you out."

"Finally," Karkat muttered, but he hunched down in his fluffy grey sweaterneck and was quiet. Screw everyone else's opinion, this thing was fucking warm, he didn't care if he looked like a tool. They were probably just jealous they didn't have a fluffy sweaterneck of their own.

This whole setting was beginning to make him nauseous, really. It would be a blessing for Kanaya to make well on her threat and dump him outside. The cheerfulness of everyone, getting along for once, even saying nice things to each other-- seriously? Vriska complimenting Eridan's absurd clothing getup? What the fuck?-- was unnatural and even a little bit creepy. He would be glad when he was finally allowed to abscond the fuck out of here, go back to his hive, maybe watch some Christmas special with his lusus or something.

"Aww, Vwiskra! Heehee, you shouldn't have! A new paint set?" Nepeta's small, enthusiastic voice gushed from somewhere to his left.

"Now you can properly color in those walls of yours, because using the smattered gore of various beasts is a liiiiiiiiittle bit creepy, even for me."

And now they were showering lavish gifts upon one another like a flock of seagulls shitting all over the ground in elegant synchronization. Goopy white streams, descending from the sky, coating everyone's heads in sticky, sickening, liquid shit.

He wouldn't even care if he got any. Nope.

Not. At. All.

"And for you, Sol, I present to you this premium dieting book!"

Eridan's high, presitigous accent penetrated Karkat's steaming haze of hatred thoughts.

He glanced over to see Eridan, waving a thick paperback book in front of Sollux, who was sitting on the ground admist a sea of crumpled bows and wrapping paper.

"... I don't want that."

"W-why not?" Eridan tripped a little over the first syllable, his face falling into one of insurmountable anguish. "I picked it out specially and eweythi--"

"I'm not fat, dipthit."

"But...!"

"Hahaha, you got rejected again, fuckass!"

"Karkat what did I say about being nice to your fellow companions."

"Sorry."

Eridan stomped off, presumably to go wallow in self-pity that his beautiful gift had failed to win over Sollux.

"Whoah, Tavbro, hahaha, it's a motherfucking miracle!"

"You, uh, really like it, Gamzee?"

More bullshit being ladled out onto the heads of willing fuckasses. Hell, who in their right mind would want the lumpy piece of fluff and wasted effort that Tavros was trying to pass off as some kind of stuffed musclebeast?

Oh, yeah. Gamzee wasn't in his right mind. Well played, wheelchair-bound fairyboy, well played.

"Dentureth, KK, really?"

Karkat snapped his head up, to where Sollux was standing right next to him, a pair of dentures dangling from one hand.

"Well... yeah. Fuck you and your stupid lisp, at least you can talk like a normal troll now! What the fuck did you want?"

Sollux seemed to consider the dentures in his hand for a moment.

"Ith my lithp really that annoying, KK?"

"Yes, you annoying douchebucket of slop, why else would I have made a special trip to the elderly shop of horrors for your ass, I don't get why you're smirking so fucking hard, Captor, you should be bowing down to me in show of your insurmountable, undying gratitu-- what the fuck why are you in my face Captor back off dammit seriously what the fuck."

Sollux leaned in, their noses almost touching, his stupid heterochromatic lensed shades right in Karkat's face.

"Hmm, I wath under the imprethion that you found it... endearing, perhapth."

Fuck Captor, fuck him and his whoring ways and fuck that amusement in his tone and fuck him for completely barging in on his personal little bubble of space, like what the fuck, at least knock first asshole, this was sexual harrassment he was such a fucking dick just fuck off okay.

"Well... it's not, so just... fuck you!"

Fuck Captor for stealing all of his stinging, barbed comebacks.

"Don't you jutht dream of it, KK."

And then the Gemini was sauntering back over to his mountain of discarded wrapping supplies, arrogance in his every move.

Fuck Captor for screwing with his head, what the fuck, alright well, two can play at that game, that contemptous pile of festering hoofbeast shi--

"Aren't you gonna open my gift, KK?"

Sollux called, interrupting his train of thought yet again god that fucking douche.

Karkat glanced down to the floor beside him, where a innocent-looking bag with that colorful, festive tissue paper shit barfing out the top.

He glanced at Sollux suspiciously, who waved from the other side of the room, then hesitantly picked up the bag and shook it. He pulled out the disgustingly colored tissue paper, idly musing what would be in there, probably some romcom that he already owned, or maybe another "How to Computer Program: For Dummies" book (he had six of them, now), or--

What was this hideous red fabric in his hands and why did it have a fluffy white hem and oh my god was this a fucking dress.

It was.

It was a fucking Santa Claus dress, complete with a little hat and everything, and what kind of sick perverted mind did Captor have, he was going to fucking kill him.

"Thomething wrong, KK?"

"CAPTOR, YOU ORNERY ABYSS OF FUCKASSERY AND DOUCHEBAGGERY, I AM GOING TO FUCKING RIP OUT YOUR CARDIOVASCULAR ORGAN AND STUFF IT DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE. THEN I SHALL TAKE GRAINY WEBCAM IMAGES ON MY HUSKTOP AND POST THEM TO SOME POPULAR ART-CENTRIC WEBSITE, ENTITLED "ABSTRACT WORK NUMBER 922", WHERE EVERYONE WILL GUSH AND FAVORITE IT AND TALK ABOUT WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS PRODIGY I AM. IT WILL BE FEATURED ALL OVER THE INTERNET. TROLLS OF ALL AGES WILL SEE MY IMAGE AND WISH THEY WERE AS GREAT AND MIGHTY AS I. I AM NEVER, EVER, IN A MILLION SWEEPS, WEARING THIS HORRENDOUS ABOMINATION TO NATURE ITSELF, SO FUCK YOU AND YOUR PERVERTED MIND AND GO CHOKE ON ERIDAN'S BULGE."

The room fell silent.

Everyone stared.

Eridan perked up from his corner of woe and self-pity.

Karkat thought he might have broken Nepeta's think pan.

Tavros started making some choked noise in the back of his throat that sounded like "uh-uh-uh-uh", then Gamzee started yelling, "Breathe, motherfucker, holy shit!" and pounded him on the back repeatedly.

With that, the frozen silence melted, everyone reanimating themselves and immediately going back to chattering. This was Karkat, after all, perfectly normal conduct for him, even on a holiday such as this. No one was really bothered.

Except for one.

"Karkat, please go stand outside in the corner in time out, I shall come talk to you in a few minutes and reprimand you for continuing such unseemingly conduct even after I told you very kindly to please stop."

---

All through dinner, Karkat wouldn't look at him.

When Kanaya guided the steaming, short little rageball back inside, he sat down in his chair at the table and refused to talk to anyone.

Sollux found it quite amusing, really, and took every opportunity he could to ask Karkat to pass him one thing or another, which he would, scowling, still stubbornly refusing to look at him.

After dinner, Sollux trotted back to the kitchen from the bathroom to help clean up, but was stopped by Karkat in the hallway, surprisingly enough.

He had something green in his hand, arm held above their heads, an even deeper scowl on his face than he had at dinner, face slowly turning red.

"... What the fuck ith that?" Sollux raised an eyebrow, and the angry, embarrassed blush on Karkat's face deepened.

"It's mistletoe, dumbass, what the fuck else would it possibly be?" He snapped.

"And...?"

"And what? You're supposed to kiss me now, fuckass. Is your underfed think pan really so dense that you don't know what standing under mistletoe entails?"

He looked so embarrassed with himself, so frustrated, that it was all Sollux could do not to burst out laughing.

He leaned down, bumping foreheads with Karkat, his breath tickling his skin.

Their lips had almost brushed, when Sollux suddenly straightened up, patting him on the head.

"Only if you wear the prethent I got you, KK. Only then."

He sauntered past him, back towards the kitchen, smugness radiating from every pore of his being.

"... Fuck you!"