Shenghii [2010-02-04 01:22:41 +0000 UTC]

This is a wonderfull poem, Its just sad that this happens everyday.

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shadowmere13 [2009-03-31 02:11:35 +0000 UTC]

oh that is so sad i am writing a story about child abuse and i was looking for inspiration, and i found exactly what i was looking for here! it is such a beautiful poem >.< it really is! whether it is sad or not, it makes a good point!

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hundred4ever [2007-10-25 01:39:01 +0000 UTC]

Though, unfortunately, most stories don't end like that. Can't wait to read your poem. This message was for something earlier, sorry if it's off topic.

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hundred4ever [2007-10-25 01:35:24 +0000 UTC]

I wouldn't say it was a sweet or cute movie, just adorable characters. The ending to me was fantastic, how if you want to fly off and go somewhere else you can. just like that. I love that movie, I love the way the director made a happy ending to a sad story,rather then depressing everyone by death and grief. We see movies everyday with children in them, but it's rare when we see a movie that sticks to the innocence of childhood. I've heard that what happened in the end isn't what actually happened, but I've never got over the fact that he just flew away, which is ridiculous considering my age.lol. Sorry, couldn't read your poem, the mature filter stopped me. I will come back though.

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Darel-Oba-Quaremz [2007-10-08 06:38:38 +0000 UTC]

Melodic emotive narration.

Began painting the picture of the current state of the girl, the things her father did and how the wife wanted to hide the truth. The verses are melodic, emotive, and descriptive. I like the way you shape the story without leaving aside the rhythm, then how it all close to the end the picture of the little girl hiding, and then laying death is pretty subtle, nice, and sinister in its own way. I have to say again that what makes the poem so powerful is the melody.

Is a great poem, of a great subjet. It gets right the emotions and the scenes. Wonderful.

I invite you to my gallery that have a few poems in english, since I mostly write in spanish, and I look foward to read any critic you would like to add. Oh.. by the way checking your profile I realise we were born pretty close date, you are sagittarius too lol, its a dumb comment but had to add it lol... Im from the 25th on november, same year.


Great poetry!!

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ragdollmystery [2006-09-14 02:47:54 +0000 UTC]

your poem like inspired me to have a brain orgasm and spit out My Daddy which i just wrote...it is on the same basic level of dads that yours is

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voltzen [2006-05-22 10:05:08 +0000 UTC]

a very impressive and well-written yet deeply disturbing and depressing poem

keep up the good work

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Forbiddenynforgotten [2005-11-11 04:14:58 +0000 UTC]

Very sad poem...a reality check in a sense...things like that do happen..

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Sabrae101 [2005-09-26 15:42:26 +0000 UTC]

This poem is amazing, it really is... made me sad too, but in a good way. Brought back a lot of emotion, as I can identify with the little girl. Abuse is a terrible, terrible thing, especially the emotional kind.

Nonetheless, an amazing poem.

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softcell72 [2005-08-30 05:57:10 +0000 UTC]

touchy subject with me, but you got your point across beautifully. I think everyone who has kids should be made to read this one.

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RandomPerson37 [2005-08-25 02:55:32 +0000 UTC]

That gave me chills to say the least. You are trule amazing with your poetry from what i'v seen

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hellblazer [2005-07-31 16:55:02 +0000 UTC]

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Greenwolf103 [2005-07-27 23:35:03 +0000 UTC]

Believe me: Denial is an ugly thing. Been there and done that. Won't do it again.

Beautiful poem. Yes it is very sad but sadder still is the fact that this kind of thing really happens.

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bloodyKiss666 [2005-07-27 13:39:38 +0000 UTC]

It's really touched me yay i read with an own rhytm in my head
Very good poem!!!!SAd but awesome

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Tomorrow-Knight [2005-07-25 08:23:54 +0000 UTC]

This was very moving..a great read

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AsISeeIt [2005-07-20 21:38:23 +0000 UTC]

Very touching.
Thank you for reminding us that we need to continue to be outraged at this sort of thing. I hope none of this is from personal experience...

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VioletGreys [2005-07-17 04:38:46 +0000 UTC]

Reminds me of my biological daddy...


Made me appreciate the fact my mom left him.


Really good piece.

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ferensick [2005-07-16 03:11:13 +0000 UTC]

makes a million thoughts come to mind...
it's funny, I had a talk with a friend of mine recently about child abuse (in this case, sexual) and she thinks it's no big deal. Happens to alot of ppl.
I just think words can't describe how sad that is... that it happens so much that ppl, and expecially the victims, are so coniditioned by it and nothing that should be done is. Abuse is one thing, Sexual abuse is another... and to a child... that's more than a big deal to me.
Anyway that's my 2 cents. Very thought provoking and touching. Could be a song. -i'll have to browes around more. Keep up the good work.

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Minime098710 [2005-07-10 00:28:24 +0000 UTC]

I think this is my favourite of all the poems I've read of yours' so far. I like how you've captured the emotion of the poem by using the girl as the first person. A very moving and amazing piece of work.

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sharebear9204 [2005-07-09 15:33:31 +0000 UTC]

I loved it so much...awesome piece!

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Error732 [2005-07-06 17:05:42 +0000 UTC]

Quite a ballad.

I enjoyed the separation of the last line(s) of some of the quatrains; it put a nice stress on the most important lines (in my mind, anyway).

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the-beastie [2005-07-06 16:58:50 +0000 UTC]

This is so sad, and very well-written. The rhythm is mostly good, although I found that the flow slipped up in places where you squeezed a large number of syllables into a line. Apart from that, there isn't much at fault with this. The langauge is well-chosen, and I can tell immediately that it is a young child speaking by certain words you use (particularly "daddy"). You've brought across the message very well -- I think it's something that everyone is aware of, but you have illuminated the problem and after reading this people will think about it more seriously.

As for the preview picture, I think it was well-chosen. You shouldn't feel wrong using a small cute child, because we have to realise that it could be absolutely any child being victimized, and this image highlights that fact.

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AbunaiRei [2005-07-01 04:40:34 +0000 UTC]

This was... just so wonderful. It really sucks how some parents abuse their children. =/ This relates to me.. somewhat. My dad used to hit my mom and she never left saying she couldn't leave him. -Le'sigh.-

Anyway. Your poem was awesome and it deserves a n.n;

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UnLoVeDpOeT [2005-06-27 15:27:06 +0000 UTC]

To think things like that actually happen.. random input i think in the 9th stanza the word "supposed" sort of throws of the flow a bit..ever consider using the word "meant" instead?

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forbiddensnowflake [2005-06-27 05:02:19 +0000 UTC]

why don't you write more poems like this?

this has an element of maturity over the other stuff in your gallery.

it's more well written, and the subject is easier to grasp and understand.

child is something frightfully read that happens on a daily basis in all different parts of the world

I have a friend who lives in a bad area of town and on christmas day he had to pull a man and women away from their child as they were beating him.

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reznor70 [2005-06-26 23:53:07 +0000 UTC]

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Tai-Kimoji [2005-06-26 22:05:38 +0000 UTC]

wow! i love it! all of ur poems just flow so well and come together perfectly! can't stand abusive parents though

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xVirusxofxLifex [2005-06-26 07:07:29 +0000 UTC]

What sickens me is the children wont say anything about it cuz even after what the parents have doen they still love them..........but besides that this poem is awsoem......feels like it might have been a perosnal experience of yours except as u said it wasnt......this is a really good poem that u wrote.....

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ragdollmystery [2005-06-26 01:49:22 +0000 UTC]

ugh............................i dont know what to say.....yeah it should be under mature content but it was a good work...

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DevilsKitty [2005-06-26 01:21:43 +0000 UTC]

wow very nice... this is like a perfect poem.. an A++! good work..

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MimiMarquez [2005-06-25 10:34:15 +0000 UTC]

*drying eyes* this is beautiful. Well in d written way coz d subjuct is too upseting to be. It realy touched me as u can guess. Wow!!

--
Whats the point in living
If we're all gonna die.

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alana [2005-06-25 04:37:47 +0000 UTC]

"...Me and dad will be alone"

That should be "Dad and I will be alone".

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omen666 [2005-06-24 18:14:09 +0000 UTC]

radio flyer has been shown on the movie channels alot recently and i like the movie apart from the fact that in the end, the mother would ahve tracked down the son and brought him home now that he was safe. i really love this poem despite its sad theme. kudos

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kitkatprincess [2005-06-24 15:29:47 +0000 UTC]

it's so sad!! really well written though....have to fave...

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Beautifull-Freak [2005-06-24 06:49:56 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful!! So sad but beautifully written!!

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staceey [2005-06-24 04:37:03 +0000 UTC]

wow this is very sad. im currently working at a sports camp for kids and we think that a child is being abused by his dad but we dont have enough to prove it right now, i feel helpless. this was very well written, yet very depressing

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