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if its definition could be brought in a worded pair
excrutiating terror it would befitted to exist
suspenseful longing
        depraved balance
                and exellent peace would be the runner up

with every sensation comes the two-fold meaning
    for it is but chemicals and electrodes which constitute their reality
and if their meanings singled out by each
    why then do we cry when both happy and sad
  why do some laughs feel like trembling sobbs
and where yelling in angst tastes like the watery nothingness
        of emotionless stares

it is but our interpretations
          our fixes pulsations
               of memory and experience and hunch
          that drive our conclusions
                    into the wall
                              of rapid collisions end
          where reality meets dream
             and determines
                the outlying circumstances

if silence is so scary,
  why dont i hear music when i think of you?
if silence is golden,
  why is this world tainted with shades of rusted black?

why do i wish you could hear this silence... and know?