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Description
Warning: Bursting

Author's Notes: This is a story I wrote but kiiiinda gave up on? More so I wrote it completely, and I know it needs some adjusting, flesh out some scenes, and maybe ome corrections but... I lost the will to do that right now so... Here you go, it's been on my computer for over a month now so I ain't finishing it. Sorry...

Anyway enjoy!

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At bar in a town in a kingdom in an island, were a group of friends having small talk of the adventures they’ve had. One, a knight, spoke of a near-death experience he had encountered with a dragon but cleverly slain which some well-placed sword strikes to the dragon’s midsection. The other, a rouge, spoke about her adventures that took her into an ogre-infested village and managed to overthrow the government by killing the tyrannical leader while disguised as a chef. And then the third one, a shopkeeper, talked about the time she was gifted with great luck and then accidentally killed the very Kirin who had gifted her this amazing luck.

Wow, they all sounded like amazing adventures!

Then all of them turned to the fourth member of the group, a simple merchant, and asked in the most patronizing way possible, what exciting adventure she had embarked on since they last got together. Considering their shopkeeper friend killed a Kirin, the merchant couldn’t understand why they didn’t expect her to have done anything exciting as well. Was the life of a merchant that much more boring than a shopkeeper or did not expect much from her specifically? Well, she’ll show them!

After taking a swig from her glass, dammit it went flat, she spoke in the most confident voice she could muster and boasted, “I killed a God.” After a moment of what she confused for wonderment, her friends exploded in laughter!

“Oh! Right! You killed a GOD!” Hollered the Knight, “I must’ve have missed the Joker tell that tale last Sunday!”

“And here I thought I was a badass for killing a Kirin!” Stammered the Shopkeeper between bursts of giggles, “But Nooo! Mr. God-killer over here is the hero! Way the go!”

“How’d you kill ‘em?” The Rouge managed to ask among her fit of laughter, “Did you-! Did you lure the God in with some sweet deals and then-! And then you just-! You slaughtered them with-! Coupo-! She couldn’t finish as her and the rest of the group roared in laughter.

“Coupons haven’t even been invented yet,” The embarrassed merchant muttered to herself. “And No! I didn’t have to lure them, they came in their own accord!” She explained.

“Must’ve been those sweet deals of yours!” Added the Knight, clearly insinuating something. The rest laughed with him.

“It was! They said so themselves!” She tried to explain, but that only made them laugh louder.

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“Guys, guys, come on!” The Rouge intervened after laughing and making jokes for a few hours, “Why don’t we listen to her story, maybe it’ll be even funnier!” She giggled.

“What? She’s still here?” Asked the Knight wiping a tear from his eye, looking at the Merchant.

“Yu gaes arr muh reed humm,” She explained drunk, clearly been drinking during the group’s extended laughing fit.

“Well, how you tell us this tale while we take you home, alright?” The Rouge offered her heavily drunken friend. The merchant stared with glazed eyes for a little too long before answering.

“Aight, now lithen up,” She began, raising both her hands in anticipation, “Here… h-here’s haow it ALLLLLL happed!”

“Happed?” “SHHH!”

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At the end of the town, on the corner of a rather busy block was the shop of the merchant known among by the lousy name, Nicki’s Knik-Knak Junction. Not many people shop at this junction, it’s not even a place for hero to shop for cheap equipment. Mostly cause it ain’t cheap, Nicki always overcharges and it’s a reputation that has stuck with her, to the point where her only customers are mostly out-of-towners.

And this next customer of hers, this one was the most out-of-town of the bunch. In fact, you can even say they were out of this world. A person shrouded in mystery and intrigue. Who knew where they came from or why they were here, but they were coming and they were coming to Nicki’s Knik-Knak Junction for a sale.

This fated day was a strange one, unlike any she’s experience. There was screaming, a lot of it, but screams of terror or pain, but more like panic and warning. People warning other of an impending storm, closing in faster than any wizard (who dedicate themselves to meteorology) had predicted.

Nicki wanted to leave but this sounded like the perfect opportunity to announce her new shipment of defensive potions that she got, she couldn’t miss this opportunity. She grabbed her banner and headed for the door, eager to make some sweet cash. She grabbed the door and pushed, but it didn’t budge. It’s almost like there was an outside force, blowing hard against her door, keeping her from exiting. How strange. No matter how hard she pushed, she couldn’t get the door to move nor the innuendo to land.

But then suddenly, the door began rattling, shaking, shivering, rocking, rattling, banging, slamming, creaking, rattling! All sorts of sounds and shakes as it felt an outside force was trying to force their way into her shop. No one is ever this eager to get into her shop, how exciting!

But then the doors swung open and before Nicki stood a being unlike anything she has ever seen, and she’s seen blood fairies which, let me tell ya, haunting beyond belief what those little buggers can do. Anyway, back this being of unexplainable look.

Their face looked to be barren of any distinguishable features, except for an eye that seems to sink into their face and a body of true mystery, draped in robes of shades darker than the ashen face of this peculiar creature. And what beautiful robes! If only you were skilled in describing clothing as well as you are in describing bodies, which let’s be honest it’s kind of lackluster but it’s something!

The being raised their hand as if to speak. This is it, she’s gonna hear a voice so exquisite, so elegant, so heavenly, so resilient! “Hi there!” The Being greeted in a chipper voice. Okay, maybe another day.

“Hi,” Nicki greeted back, “Welcome to Nicki’s Knik-Knak Junction! I am Nicki, the merchant of this Junction!” She gave her best smile.

“Sweet!” The Being drifted to the stands of products, perusing the goods. Nicki stayed staring at them, enthralled by this mysterious being. Were they spectral? A being from the dark dimension? A hollow? They picked up a jar of juice. Thirsty?

“Who are you?” Nicki blurted out, unable to stop herself. Her eyes went wide in fear as she stared the being in horror, time has frozen, she can’t feel anything, all she can think is:

Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that?

The Being turned towards Nicki, is she doing it painstakingly slow or is it just her imagining that? What do they want? Did they find something to buy? … Did they hear that? “You really wanna know?” They asked curiously.

Nicki screamed internally, her face slowly turning red as the scream in her mind grew louder, if she were to open her mouth it would all pour out, “MHMM!” She nodded quickly. Be strong Nicki, you can’t show weakness, it’s how people get robbed.

“Well, my name is Juracan!” They introduced themselves, beaming with pride, most likely because of the next thing they said, “And I am a God!”

Nicki’s eyes practically bulged out of her head. She could not believe what she heard, a God? At her shop? During a Hurricane? Wait… “Juracan? Like Hurricane? Are you the God of Hurricanes?”

“Oh well, yeah!” They answered happily, “But not Hurricanes specifically, I’m like… uhhh… the God of Destruction”

“Oh,” Nicki nodded in understanding, thinking for a bit, “Wait, God of Destr- “

“What is this?” Juracan immediately interrupted, holding a large bottle of bubbling liquid, “Looks interesting!” They rattled the bottle, watching the bubbles rise, giggling.

“Oh! That’s a new concoction of mine! It’s a bubbly beverage you can drink and has many flavors and syrupy texture!” She explained, excited to show off her merchandise to anyone.

“Oh, like Soda!” Juracan added, enthralled in this sale.

“NO! Not like soda!” Nicki corrected aggressively, “This is my original concoction of a syrupy substance that’s fizzy and has a multitude of flavors!” Juracan raised a hand to speak, “NOT LIKE SODA! Why don’t you drink it and find out how different it is to soda! It’ll have flavors you’ve never even tasted before but have heard of!”

“That’s a weird pitch,” Juracan said, looking at the liquid carefully, “I can’t drink Soda, but it isn’t that than I guess it’s safe… what flavor is this one?”

Lime, Nicki thought to herself, but she can’t say that! Juracan will be all like ‘It’S jUsT lIkE sOdA!’ No! Nicki, you’re thinking for too long! The God of Destruction is waiting! Quick, think of something! They’re staring right at you! Say the first thing that comes to mind!

“Love.”

Shit!

“Love?” Juracan asked the red-faced merchant who just nodded in response, “Huh, tight. I guess I can’t say I’ve heard of that flavor before.” She uncapped the bottle and downed the drink, chugging the bubbling contents down to her mouth… or whatever the hell she’s using to drink that. After emptying the bottle, the God paused for a few seconds before commenting, “You’ve got a strange definition of love. I was expecting something… way sweeter than this.” Oh no! They hate it! “But it sure is good! You’re lucky I like sour!” Hooray! They love it! They hand the empty bottle to the merchant. “So how much is it?”

“That’ll be 20 shillings!” Nicki, confident in what a shilling is worth in the Ye’ Olden Days.

“20!?” Juracan remarks shocked at the ridiculous price, looks like someone was window shopping on their way here, “But the shop right next to you is selling soda for 5 shillings!”

“IT’S NOT SODA!”

“That’s not the point! The point is someone has an alternative to your over-priced bubbly liquid for a much much lower price and people will be more willing to pay for something they’re confident about rather than a mysterious liquid that costs four times as much! It’s called brand loyalty! I mean, my lord, have you even taken basic marketing Nicki? It’s like 101, make sure your prices can compete with competing stores! Especially when the competitors are right next to you! How about next time you decide to make an alternative to a common product, make sure it can compete and bring in the costumers! Because this is some good shit but I’m pretty sure even if God themselves said you should pay 15 shillings more for a similar beverage of unknown flavors, they’ll scoff at me, I mean them! Regulate your prices, Nicki! Find a point of equilibrium and make some mad money, alright? Can you do that, Nicki? Can you at least lower your prices to a manageable range to attract customers?” Juracan finished ranting about basic Marketing.

Wow, you just got a message from God to lower your prices. Didn’t you say to your friends you’d do that only under this exact condition? Whelp, “Okay… I’ll lower my prices then… you know a lot about Marketing…”

“I’m not letting 4 years of Business Administration go to waste,” I said… ahem! Juracan said.

“Alright… that’ll be ffffffiiiiivvv-six shillings.” Nicki gave in, graciously lowering the price for her Marketing-Savvy friend.

“Much better,” Juracan noted, holing out her hand and letting twelve shillings to drop from her palm onto Nicki’s waiting hand. “There you go! I even paid for an extra bottle because of how good it was!” Oh nice! Nicki handed the chipper God another bottle which they drank with pleasure. “See what a change of price can do?”

Nicki couldn’t stop smiling. She’s making a sale! A big one, and she even got some sweet advice from a cute God! Did you just say cute? Uh-Lower your prices, how has she never thought of it? I guess half of the town was right, huh. How about that. Finally, she was getting some good luck for the long run! Nothing could possible go wrong now!

Or so she thought, until…

After taking a gulp of the beverage, Juracan stopped and placed a hand on their middle, “Hey, you said this wasn’t soda, right?” Nicki held her tongue, now’s not the time to yell, so she simply nodded. “Then why do I feel gassy?” They demonstrated by stifling a burp.

“Well, I did say it was fizzy,” Nicki explained.

“Well yeah, but I don’t see what that has to do with-oh fuck…” Juracan cursed as they remembered what ‘fizzy’ meant. They looked down as a fizzing sound began growing from within her.

“What’s the big deal anyway? So, what if you’re a little gassy?” Nicki asked.

“I’m made of gas, Nick! And gassy beverages don’t exactly mix well with me! It makes bloat! A lot!” Juracan explained as their midsection began swelling rather quickly. “Oh crap!”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, you’ll just bloat a bit and then you’ll be-okay you’re not stopping. What the hell!” Nicki began backing away as the God’s belly before her began growing from the size of a small melon to the size of a large pumpkin. Hopefully this will stop soon!

It’s not stopping soon! They’re still growing bigger and bigger as they take up more of her quaint shop’s space. Their robes strained to hold her belly back from knocking off all her merchandise from off the shelves. It’s not doing a good job though because the God is still growing and her merchandise is now all over the ground. Geez man!

But that’s enough describing of the swelling God.

Suddenly, a new noise emerged, the noise of robes ripping. Specifically, Juracan’s robes, their godly attire couldn’t keep up with the massive form of the swelling god. They’re practically spherical at this point. Yet still standing, impressive, truly a god among peasants.

“Oh no! That’s not good! Definitely not good!” Juracan panicked a bit.

“Why?” Nicki asked, watching the grey mass bulge out among the small rips of the robes as the massive orb kept fighting through to grow.

“Because this robe is what keeps my form together. And under normal circumstances, if it got ripped I’d explode in a flurry of wind and excessive pressure!” Juracan explained, practically throbbing at this point.

“Ah I see, that’s very bad! You’re gonna mess up my… Wait, normally? What… what do you mean by that?” Nicki said suddenly caught by Juracan’s words.

“Well, normally! When I’m just walking about and some hoodlum comes with a sword and slashes at me! This, this right here, is not normal! This is a little more dangerous than normal size god. There’s a lot of pressure and rumblings and gasses and… well, maybe you should just go outside? Cause I think I’m gonna destroy your shop… sorry in advance…” Juracan apologized, resting their hands on their massive, quivering form.

“What!? Destroy my shop?!” Nicki screamed!

“I’ll fix it afterwards! Don’t worry!” Juracan reassured!

“No, you won’t! Cause you’re gonna explode! Screw This!” She kept yelling, exiting the shop, “No use to me dead…”

“Wha-I’m not gonna die! I’m a god!” Juracan corrected, but Nicki was gone. “Well, she’ll find out afterwards.” Juracan commented seconds before…

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“An BOOOOM! Dey daeed!” the Merchant exclaimed before she blinked back into reality, realizing she was tucked into their bed, snug like a bug in a glug. Wait… “W-were… were evbod?” She looked around, noticing a bottle of black liquid next to her. Sober juice? She grabbed it and chugged it. Yeah, sober juice. Though now sober, she realized it could have been the poison she keeps near her bed just in case wraiths attacked. Hmm, it’s not there right now. “Hello!” She called out, “Where’d you guys go?”

“They left after tucking you in,” Spoke a voice. GASP! It’s Juracan!

“AAAH! You’re supposed to be dead!” Nicki yelled!

“And you were supposed to sober up, but apparently the coffee hasn’t taken full affect.” The God pointed out, walking over and patting Nicki on the face. “Why do you keep telling people I died?”

“Because you exploded!” said Nicki passionately.

“And why are you always drunk when you tell the story?” Juracan asked.

“Because they don’t stop laughing and I need something to do in the meantime…” Nicki confessed. “I still don’t know why you’re still alive.”

“Did you really forget what happened afterwards?” the God asked, “I did reform shortly afterwards, and you were so angry about the whole mess. It was pretty funny though.” Nicki glared. “And then I rebuilt your shop! Remember that? The one you’re sleeping in! Honestly, I wish you’d remember that more often! You were so amazed and so overemotional, so adorable!”

Nicki’s eyes widened, “And then I asked you out!”

“Yes! Well, first you said you loved me and then you asked me out which frankly,” They chuckled, “Bold move… if it weren’t obvious you liked me from the get go.” Juracan teased.

“Maybe I’ll just change how I introduce the story,” Nicki said, a bit drowsy.

“Oh yeah? You’re still gonna tell it?” Nicki nodded, “Alright, then to what, pray tell, will you change it to?”

Nicki yawned, “I’m dating a cute God.” Juracan couldn’t help but laugh.

“God dammit, can everyone stop laughing…. I swear to God.”

Description
Warning: Bursting

Author's Notes: This is a story I wrote but kiiiinda gave up on? More so I wrote it completely, and I know it needs some adjusting, flesh out some scenes, and maybe ome corrections but... I lost the will to do that right now so... Here you go, it's been on my computer for over a month now so I ain't finishing it. Sorry...

Anyway enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At bar in a town in a kingdom in an island, were a group of friends having small talk of the adventures they’ve had. One, a knight, spoke of a near-death experience he had encountered with a dragon but cleverly slain which some well-placed sword strikes to the dragon’s midsection. The other, a rouge, spoke about her adventures that took her into an ogre-infested village and managed to overthrow the government by killing the tyrannical leader while disguised as a chef. And then the third one, a shopkeeper, talked about the time she was gifted with great luck and then accidentally killed the very Kirin who had gifted her this amazing luck.

Wow, they all sounded like amazing adventures!

Then all of them turned to the fourth member of the group, a simple merchant, and asked in the most patronizing way possible, what exciting adventure she had embarked on since they last got together. Considering their shopkeeper friend killed a Kirin, the merchant couldn’t understand why they didn’t expect her to have done anything exciting as well. Was the life of a merchant that much more boring than a shopkeeper or did not expect much from her specifically? Well, she’ll show them!

After taking a swig from her glass, dammit it went flat, she spoke in the most confident voice she could muster and boasted, “I killed a God.” After a moment of what she confused for wonderment, her friends exploded in laughter!

“Oh! Right! You killed a GOD!” Hollered the Knight, “I must’ve have missed the Joker tell that tale last Sunday!”

“And here I thought I was a badass for killing a Kirin!” Stammered the Shopkeeper between bursts of giggles, “But Nooo! Mr. God-killer over here is the hero! Way the go!”

“How’d you kill ‘em?” The Rouge managed to ask among her fit of laughter, “Did you-! Did you lure the God in with some sweet deals and then-! And then you just-! You slaughtered them with-! Coupo-! She couldn’t finish as her and the rest of the group roared in laughter.

“Coupons haven’t even been invented yet,” The embarrassed merchant muttered to herself. “And No! I didn’t have to lure them, they came in their own accord!” She explained.

“Must’ve been those sweet deals of yours!” Added the Knight, clearly insinuating something. The rest laughed with him.

“It was! They said so themselves!” She tried to explain, but that only made them laugh louder.

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“Guys, guys, come on!” The Rouge intervened after laughing and making jokes for a few hours, “Why don’t we listen to her story, maybe it’ll be even funnier!” She giggled.

“What? She’s still here?” Asked the Knight wiping a tear from his eye, looking at the Merchant.

“Yu gaes arr muh reed humm,” She explained drunk, clearly been drinking during the group’s extended laughing fit.

“Well, how you tell us this tale while we take you home, alright?” The Rouge offered her heavily drunken friend. The merchant stared with glazed eyes for a little too long before answering.

“Aight, now lithen up,” She began, raising both her hands in anticipation, “Here… h-here’s haow it ALLLLLL happed!”

“Happed?” “SHHH!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of the town, on the corner of a rather busy block was the shop of the merchant known among by the lousy name, Nicki’s Knik-Knak Junction. Not many people shop at this junction, it’s not even a place for hero to shop for cheap equipment. Mostly cause it ain’t cheap, Nicki always overcharges and it’s a reputation that has stuck with her, to the point where her only customers are mostly out-of-towners.

And this next customer of hers, this one was the most out-of-town of the bunch. In fact, you can even say they were out of this world. A person shrouded in mystery and intrigue. Who knew where they came from or why they were here, but they were coming and they were coming to Nicki’s Knik-Knak Junction for a sale.

This fated day was a strange one, unlike any she’s experience. There was screaming, a lot of it, but screams of terror or pain, but more like panic and warning. People warning other of an impending storm, closing in faster than any wizard (who dedicate themselves to meteorology) had predicted.

Nicki wanted to leave but this sounded like the perfect opportunity to announce her new shipment of defensive potions that she got, she couldn’t miss this opportunity. She grabbed her banner and headed for the door, eager to make some sweet cash. She grabbed the door and pushed, but it didn’t budge. It’s almost like there was an outside force, blowing hard against her door, keeping her from exiting. How strange. No matter how hard she pushed, she couldn’t get the door to move nor the innuendo to land.

But then suddenly, the door began rattling, shaking, shivering, rocking, rattling, banging, slamming, creaking, rattling! All sorts of sounds and shakes as it felt an outside force was trying to force their way into her shop. No one is ever this eager to get into her shop, how exciting!

But then the doors swung open and before Nicki stood a being unlike anything she has ever seen, and she’s seen blood fairies which, let me tell ya, haunting beyond belief what those little buggers can do. Anyway, back this being of unexplainable look.

Their face looked to be barren of any distinguishable features, except for an eye that seems to sink into their face and a body of true mystery, draped in robes of shades darker than the ashen face of this peculiar creature. And what beautiful robes! If only you were skilled in describing clothing as well as you are in describing bodies, which let’s be honest it’s kind of lackluster but it’s something!

The being raised their hand as if to speak. This is it, she’s gonna hear a voice so exquisite, so elegant, so heavenly, so resilient! “Hi there!” The Being greeted in a chipper voice. Okay, maybe another day.

“Hi,” Nicki greeted back, “Welcome to Nicki’s Knik-Knak Junction! I am Nicki, the merchant of this Junction!” She gave her best smile.

“Sweet!” The Being drifted to the stands of products, perusing the goods. Nicki stayed staring at them, enthralled by this mysterious being. Were they spectral? A being from the dark dimension? A hollow? They picked up a jar of juice. Thirsty?

“Who are you?” Nicki blurted out, unable to stop herself. Her eyes went wide in fear as she stared the being in horror, time has frozen, she can’t feel anything, all she can think is:

Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that? Did they hear that?

The Being turned towards Nicki, is she doing it painstakingly slow or is it just her imagining that? What do they want? Did they find something to buy? … Did they hear that? “You really wanna know?” They asked curiously.

Nicki screamed internally, her face slowly turning red as the scream in her mind grew louder, if she were to open her mouth it would all pour out, “MHMM!” She nodded quickly. Be strong Nicki, you can’t show weakness, it’s how people get robbed.

“Well, my name is Juracan!” They introduced themselves, beaming with pride, most likely because of the next thing they said, “And I am a God!”

Nicki’s eyes practically bulged out of her head. She could not believe what she heard, a God? At her shop? During a Hurricane? Wait… “Juracan? Like Hurricane? Are you the God of Hurricanes?”

“Oh well, yeah!” They answered happily, “But not Hurricanes specifically, I’m like… uhhh… the God of Destruction”

“Oh,” Nicki nodded in understanding, thinking for a bit, “Wait, God of Destr- “

“What is this?” Juracan immediately interrupted, holding a large bottle of bubbling liquid, “Looks interesting!” They rattled the bottle, watching the bubbles rise, giggling.

“Oh! That’s a new concoction of mine! It’s a bubbly beverage you can drink and has many flavors and syrupy texture!” She explained, excited to show off her merchandise to anyone.

“Oh, like Soda!” Juracan added, enthralled in this sale.

“NO! Not like soda!” Nicki corrected aggressively, “This is my original concoction of a syrupy substance that’s fizzy and has a multitude of flavors!” Juracan raised a hand to speak, “NOT LIKE SODA! Why don’t you drink it and find out how different it is to soda! It’ll have flavors you’ve never even tasted before but have heard of!”

“That’s a weird pitch,” Juracan said, looking at the liquid carefully, “I can’t drink Soda, but it isn’t that than I guess it’s safe… what flavor is this one?”

Lime, Nicki thought to herself, but she can’t say that! Juracan will be all like ‘It’S jUsT lIkE sOdA!’ No! Nicki, you’re thinking for too long! The God of Destruction is waiting! Quick, think of something! They’re staring right at you! Say the first thing that comes to mind!

“Love.”

Shit!

“Love?” Juracan asked the red-faced merchant who just nodded in response, “Huh, tight. I guess I can’t say I’ve heard of that flavor before.” She uncapped the bottle and downed the drink, chugging the bubbling contents down to her mouth… or whatever the hell she’s using to drink that. After emptying the bottle, the God paused for a few seconds before commenting, “You’ve got a strange definition of love. I was expecting something… way sweeter than this.” Oh no! They hate it! “But it sure is good! You’re lucky I like sour!” Hooray! They love it! They hand the empty bottle to the merchant. “So how much is it?”

“That’ll be 20 shillings!” Nicki, confident in what a shilling is worth in the Ye’ Olden Days.

“20!?” Juracan remarks shocked at the ridiculous price, looks like someone was window shopping on their way here, “But the shop right next to you is selling soda for 5 shillings!”

“IT’S NOT SODA!”

“That’s not the point! The point is someone has an alternative to your over-priced bubbly liquid for a much much lower price and people will be more willing to pay for something they’re confident about rather than a mysterious liquid that costs four times as much! It’s called brand loyalty! I mean, my lord, have you even taken basic marketing Nicki? It’s like 101, make sure your prices can compete with competing stores! Especially when the competitors are right next to you! How about next time you decide to make an alternative to a common product, make sure it can compete and bring in the costumers! Because this is some good shit but I’m pretty sure even if God themselves said you should pay 15 shillings more for a similar beverage of unknown flavors, they’ll scoff at me, I mean them! Regulate your prices, Nicki! Find a point of equilibrium and make some mad money, alright? Can you do that, Nicki? Can you at least lower your prices to a manageable range to attract customers?” Juracan finished ranting about basic Marketing.

Wow, you just got a message from God to lower your prices. Didn’t you say to your friends you’d do that only under this exact condition? Whelp, “Okay… I’ll lower my prices then… you know a lot about Marketing…”

“I’m not letting 4 years of Business Administration go to waste,” I said… ahem! Juracan said.

“Alright… that’ll be ffffffiiiiivvv-six shillings.” Nicki gave in, graciously lowering the price for her Marketing-Savvy friend.

“Much better,” Juracan noted, holing out her hand and letting twelve shillings to drop from her palm onto Nicki’s waiting hand. “There you go! I even paid for an extra bottle because of how good it was!” Oh nice! Nicki handed the chipper God another bottle which they drank with pleasure. “See what a change of price can do?”

Nicki couldn’t stop smiling. She’s making a sale! A big one, and she even got some sweet advice from a cute God! Did you just say cute? Uh-Lower your prices, how has she never thought of it? I guess half of the town was right, huh. How about that. Finally, she was getting some good luck for the long run! Nothing could possible go wrong now!

Or so she thought, until…

After taking a gulp of the beverage, Juracan stopped and placed a hand on their middle, “Hey, you said this wasn’t soda, right?” Nicki held her tongue, now’s not the time to yell, so she simply nodded. “Then why do I feel gassy?” They demonstrated by stifling a burp.

“Well, I did say it was fizzy,” Nicki explained.

“Well yeah, but I don’t see what that has to do with-oh fuck…” Juracan cursed as they remembered what ‘fizzy’ meant. They looked down as a fizzing sound began growing from within her.

“What’s the big deal anyway? So, what if you’re a little gassy?” Nicki asked.

“I’m made of gas, Nick! And gassy beverages don’t exactly mix well with me! It makes bloat! A lot!” Juracan explained as their midsection began swelling rather quickly. “Oh crap!”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, you’ll just bloat a bit and then you’ll be-okay you’re not stopping. What the hell!” Nicki began backing away as the God’s belly before her began growing from the size of a small melon to the size of a large pumpkin. Hopefully this will stop soon!

It’s not stopping soon! They’re still growing bigger and bigger as they take up more of her quaint shop’s space. Their robes strained to hold her belly back from knocking off all her merchandise from off the shelves. It’s not doing a good job though because the God is still growing and her merchandise is now all over the ground. Geez man!

But that’s enough describing of the swelling God.

Suddenly, a new noise emerged, the noise of robes ripping. Specifically, Juracan’s robes, their godly attire couldn’t keep up with the massive form of the swelling god. They’re practically spherical at this point. Yet still standing, impressive, truly a god among peasants.

“Oh no! That’s not good! Definitely not good!” Juracan panicked a bit.

“Why?” Nicki asked, watching the grey mass bulge out among the small rips of the robes as the massive orb kept fighting through to grow.

“Because this robe is what keeps my form together. And under normal circumstances, if it got ripped I’d explode in a flurry of wind and excessive pressure!” Juracan explained, practically throbbing at this point.

“Ah I see, that’s very bad! You’re gonna mess up my… Wait, normally? What… what do you mean by that?” Nicki said suddenly caught by Juracan’s words.

“Well, normally! When I’m just walking about and some hoodlum comes with a sword and slashes at me! This, this right here, is not normal! This is a little more dangerous than normal size god. There’s a lot of pressure and rumblings and gasses and… well, maybe you should just go outside? Cause I think I’m gonna destroy your shop… sorry in advance…” Juracan apologized, resting their hands on their massive, quivering form.

“What!? Destroy my shop?!” Nicki screamed!

“I’ll fix it afterwards! Don’t worry!” Juracan reassured!

“No, you won’t! Cause you’re gonna explode! Screw This!” She kept yelling, exiting the shop, “No use to me dead…”

“Wha-I’m not gonna die! I’m a god!” Juracan corrected, but Nicki was gone. “Well, she’ll find out afterwards.” Juracan commented seconds before…

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“An BOOOOM! Dey daeed!” the Merchant exclaimed before she blinked back into reality, realizing she was tucked into their bed, snug like a bug in a glug. Wait… “W-were… were evbod?” She looked around, noticing a bottle of black liquid next to her. Sober juice? She grabbed it and chugged it. Yeah, sober juice. Though now sober, she realized it could have been the poison she keeps near her bed just in case wraiths attacked. Hmm, it’s not there right now. “Hello!” She called out, “Where’d you guys go?”

“They left after tucking you in,” Spoke a voice. GASP! It’s Juracan!

“AAAH! You’re supposed to be dead!” Nicki yelled!

“And you were supposed to sober up, but apparently the coffee hasn’t taken full affect.” The God pointed out, walking over and patting Nicki on the face. “Why do you keep telling people I died?”

“Because you exploded!” said Nicki passionately.

“And why are you always drunk when you tell the story?” Juracan asked.

“Because they don’t stop laughing and I need something to do in the meantime…” Nicki confessed. “I still don’t know why you’re still alive.”

“Did you really forget what happened afterwards?” the God asked, “I did reform shortly afterwards, and you were so angry about the whole mess. It was pretty funny though.” Nicki glared. “And then I rebuilt your shop! Remember that? The one you’re sleeping in! Honestly, I wish you’d remember that more often! You were so amazed and so overemotional, so adorable!”

Nicki’s eyes widened, “And then I asked you out!”

“Yes! Well, first you said you loved me and then you asked me out which frankly,” They chuckled, “Bold move… if it weren’t obvious you liked me from the get go.” Juracan teased.

“Maybe I’ll just change how I introduce the story,” Nicki said, a bit drowsy.

“Oh yeah? You’re still gonna tell it?” Nicki nodded, “Alright, then to what, pray tell, will you change it to?”

Nicki yawned, “I’m dating a cute God.” Juracan couldn’t help but laugh.

“God dammit, can everyone stop laughing…. I swear to God.”