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Published: 2005-08-13 00:52:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 152; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
There is a man in a desert, though you can't actually call it a desert. Deserts usually have some water in them, no matter how miniscule. This place was the very essence of dry, were the only thing to drink is your own spit, and the only shade is your shadow. So you can't call this place a desert, and come to think of it, you can't call this thing a man. Men don't usually live past the age of two hundred. Because this man is so old, and because gravity is a harsh mistress, his ears and nose have become very long. This makes him look as ugly as he is old. For some reason, only known to him, he has chosen to stumble through this desert alone. Only he's not alone. Throughout his entire journey he has been followed by a very strange audience.Turning around to face his audience, with a speed quite surprising for his age, he shouts:
"God dammit! I've told you little basterds before to leave me alone!"
The old man starts to shake as the shout has left him out of breath and panting heavily.
"Don't.......You.....know..I'm on.....a...grand mission" the old man struggles to say between breaths.
His watchers continue to stare up at him intensely interested at what they know will come next.
"Stop staring at my nose you furry little bastard!, If I was still young I’d rip you're....." The old man suddenly stops mid rant, a rigid look of terror on his face. His entire body seizes up and he remains motionless. With all the speed of a leaf falling from a tree on a windless night the man falls to the ground. Dead. His audience looks at his motionless body and commence with a customary silence for the dead. The first to break the silence is the rabbit.
"Are you sure it’s normal for him to keep dying like this Panzin?"
"Of course it’s normal!, the guys over seven hundred years old. Frankly I'd be worried if he didn't peg off every now and then"
"I know that, but how’s he supposed to fulfill the prophecy, complete the quest, finished what was started and all that other stuff"
"I don't know! I don't make the rules I just follow the guy. Besides you didn't have to come with"
"Of course I did, I love you"
"How could I forget? My mother gave me so much shit for telling her I’m in love with a rabbit"
"Oh please! I had to tell my family I wanted to marry a rat!"
"Mouse! I'm a mouse god dammit not a rat!"
"What’s the difference?"
"Mice are cute and loveable, as you should now, where as rats are the vile scum of the earth, vermin that give all noble rodent species a bad name"
Their happy conversation is interrupted by the most stupid, idiotic grin ever to cross the face of a reptile. The owner of said face exclaims to the world:” I’m Gay!"
"We Know!" Panzin and Bunny shout back in unison.
"Wipe that shit eating grin off your face, and stop staring at my woman, you pathetic excuse for shade. And that’s another thing Bunny why do you put up with this complete, inept asshole. He thinks you're a man for God's sake!"
"I think he's cute, Panz. And besides I get to ride on his back while you have to walk everywhere"
"That’s it! I'm going to find a stick I can gnaw at until its sharp enough to for me to stab myself to death"
Panzin walks off a little way away from the body of the old man and begins his search for the stick. Unbeknown to the old man's audience they had an audience of their own. About five metres behind them it watches their every move, and quietly mumbles to itself:"Nee Ha Ma".
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Comments: 6
Graycat [2005-08-13 09:30:20 +0000 UTC]
Cool, it's about Grantleigh yes? Thanks for the comments, The Reanimator RULES by the way! Funny and imaginative work, ha ha ha well done
PS
KAMEHAMEHA!!!
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Azex In reply to Graycat [2005-08-13 20:05:45 +0000 UTC]
Reader Response Criticism in action. Does my heart good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Cordron In reply to Graycat [2005-08-13 12:39:00 +0000 UTC]
you are an afrikaaner lover aren't you?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
synthwrr [2005-08-13 04:04:33 +0000 UTC]
Woah, that's crazy. I assumed that the old man's audience was imaginary, but then... lol. I loved this. Just crazy enough to fav!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Azex In reply to synthwrr [2005-08-13 20:04:30 +0000 UTC]
There is much more to this tale so look forward to the other pieces that will go up.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
synthwrr In reply to Azex [2005-08-14 02:06:47 +0000 UTC]
Definitely! I've got you on my friends list (don't I? Hmmm, I'm not really sure....), so I'll check 'em out as you post 'em.
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