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Beckitty — I'm sorry..
Published: 2016-11-22 03:00:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 803; Favourites: 54; Downloads: 0
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I'm going to he deactivating and leaving DA. (I may leave it open, if people want to see my art)I won't be making a new one..either.
*I don't deserve to be happy...and I shouldn't even do art. I did it to make people happy...and all it did was help me ruin everything..
I am so sorry for everything I have done. Even if I i didnt know. I am a terrible TERRIBLE person and I don't deserve happiness..and I'm so sorry..
Edit: I do not have a skype, I will not use tumblr, instgram or Facebook.
I don't want to hurt people anymore.
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Comments: 42
Beckitty We Love Your Art It Helps Us From Being Depressed Or UnHappy Please Beckitty All Of Us Supports You.
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I love your art! it's one of the things that keep me from suicide!! please don't go!
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Becky, I would hate to see you go. Its people like you who inspire so many others, including myself to draw. And I think many people agree. There are so many others who you have made happy. You deserve to be happy and your not a terrible person. Everyone here believes that (By here I mean the comments section and watchers). Please don't leave.
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Just know, we'll always be here :3 ~ ask-us-fnaf-mangle.deviantart.…
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I stumbled onto your page randomly through some of your art and I saw some of the things that have been happening in your life recently. I wanted to say that after reading your side and the other persons side that it's quite obvious that this person still loves and cares about you deeply.
Too me it seems like there was a misunderstanding and miscommunication between you and your friends/family. Though it seems like talking to all of them won't make much of a difference. Instead why don't you talk to the person whom you care deeply for? It seems to me that you're constantly saying you're sorry and putting yourself down because you genuinely feel bad, but rather than doing that just say that you're sorry you hurt them.
I'm guessing you've already said that but there's no reason to leave when this many people care about you. Just look at your comments, they are literally filled with people whom love and care for you and even if this person you got in a fight with are important to you, you still have to realize that you're important to them and to everyone else here.
Does the person you fought with want you to quit everything you love? It doesn't seem that way to me, it seems the opposite. Even after fighting with you they told everyone that it wasn't your fault and that they cared about you. Not that they wanted you to leave and never come back... Everyone will hurt each other.
As sad as that is it's true, I've hurt more people than I can count in stupid ways, with stupid fights. But I've also been hurt the same amount. To the point I spent a long time alone, away from literally everyone. That hurt more than words can ever describe, so I know how you feel, but if you look here at these comments, you're not alone.
You're not alone anymore, so there's no reason for you to leave because even if you hurt people they're still here for you. This proves it, that persons post and what they said about how much they care about you proves it. Regardless of what a few people say or have said you are loved, don't throw that away like I did because of a fight.
Stay here for all of the people whom love you and your wonderful art work, because YOU ARE needed and you are VERY loved.
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It doesn't feel like it. They haven't talked to me for a few days..and (from what I'm told) they seem perfectly fine and happy. which..I'm relieved they're happy. I never want people to be upset or hurt..
the misunderstanding and miscommunication was her not coming to me. I would've been heartbroken to know what I did, but I know we would've fgured something else. Instead she told her friends and her boyfriend went all postal. It wouldn't have hurt so much..if It came from her. Then another friend said 'smack a bjtch' and thought it was so funny.. I told her so many times how sorry I was. She's NEVER heard my voice. I thought it she heard how sorry I was...she'd call off her friends...but dongboi's journal calling me a 'cunt' still stands.
I gave up everything I love because I don't deserve it. Ive never been able to be myself and be happy. I could do both with her. I didn't known saying I would miss her would result in this.. if I could take itnback..I would've never said it. I could tell her everything. My ideas, creations, depression, rl problems but I'd listen to her too.. and I loved her ideas and she is so creative. She inspired me. Now I don't feel anything.. I feel..lonely.
it takes me a LONG time to build trust. Months and months of conversations.. I thought I found my best friend and my family..but it was just a lie. I'm stupid to have thought people could love me. I'm just a bother and I know it. I can't control my depression and I know how annoying it can be. <\3
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I feel alone. I know this sounds selfish, but I don't know these people. I mean..I love them but whenever I post random things or happy posts..I don't hear from over half of them. I mean..I'd like if they'd talk to me when I'm nkt depressed. I'm very shy and have social anxiety (they're aware) so I can't go to them.. It was more than just a fight. A part of me died and I can't get t back.
I donr feel needed ir loved.. I just miss her. But her friends will always hate me, especially her boyfriend... so I can't go bAck to her.
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You don't have to be sorry for things that have happened to me <3 You've done nothing wrong so you have no reason to be sorry.
From what I can tell the issue is her friends and her boyfriend, regardless of if they wanted to keep her safe or whatever, they should have handled it differently, so don't let them ruin something you can still fix...
Even if you don't fix your friendship with her you can start building up new ones, I know it seems like that'd be hard but everything takes time. You can get to know people who will love you the same amount if not more then you could have ever considered to be possible.
I can tell that you're tired and upset but giving up literally everything because of this issue isn't a way to make anyone happy, it'll just make you and people who care about you upset... and that's not me trying to guilt trip you or anything, that's me saying that from being where you are now that leaving like this doesn't help anything.
I know that it's hard but maybe now that you've all had a break you could maybe talk to these people yourself? Like explain to dongboi that you'd appreciate it if he took down the journal now that it's over and done. Then go talk with everyone else, like your friend... Just from what happened to me I can say that you shouldn't just figure that someone is happy without actually asking them...
If you go to them and ask them if they miss you then they'd probably say yes and that'd be what they really mean. Not what someone else just told you, because I assumed someone I cared about would be happier if I left because similar to you I was upset a lot... and whenever I was upset it would make them upset. But when I left it just ended up making me feel empty like how you're feeling now, but it also made the person I cared about upset too. Eventually after we sat down and talked it out I went back to talking to them but nothing felt the same afterwards.
I guess it just felt awkward to talk to them after that, but what I'm trying to say is just because someone says that someone else is happy doesn't mean that they actually are. No one besides them knows truly how they feel, so rather then letting someone else say how they feel or rather then just assuming how they feel, you should talk to them. As hard as that will be, this is something that can be talked out, there isn't anything in this world that can't be resolved by just talking...
You don't have to change yourself or worry about trying to make it seem like you're not depressed or upset. But just talk to them all, one by one... I know it'll be hard but explain to them all how you feel and that you're just overall hurt and tell them how much you cared about them. If they're willing to and you're willing to, you could easily resolve this and slowly, given some more time, you all could be a family again, I'm 110 percent sure. It will take time but everything does, and in the end if they don't want to talk it out then it's their loss.
Because just from talking to you for this short amount of time I can tell what a wonderful and caring person you are, and I personally wouldn't leave anyone I consider to be family behind... But everyone makes mistakes and it's because we all make mistakes that we can learn to forgive and love again, even after being hurt. So just try talking to them all, tell them how you feel, All of it, every last ounce of your feelings for them and how much you're hurting. They will listen and if they truly care about you they will accept you back in and show you love and compassion again. <3
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I'm still sorry. I feel bad that it happened to you.
I understand they were being protective of her, but they caused more damage. Dongboi is notorious for this behavior.
I..don't want any new friendships. They always end the same. I thought this time was different. Twisty was so different from anyone I have ever met. But I guess I should've known.. I'd mess it up.
I know you're not trying to guilt me. I just don't want to do anything anymore. I'm basically just forcing myself to sleep, at this point.
Ive already told twisty and Stevie how I felt. They haven't responded to me or come back to me, so..I'm not going to continue to spam them. They have better things in there life than to be bothered by someone like me. I tried talking and it didn't do me much good.
Dongboi actually blocked me after he wrote that journal, so I couldn't explain to him about not knowing twisty nixed her studies. He and I have never gotten along...so.. I'm nkt going to ruin someone else's life. I'm just trying to isolate myself so I can't screw up anymore.
You're to sweet. I'm actually..messed up. I just was so happy to have a 'family'. My real one doesn't acknowledge me.. and I'm always alone. Always. They made me feel like I belonged somewhere. Now it's all gone..and I didn't even have warning. It just blindsided me.. I forgave twisty for going behind my back when she should've came to me. I blamed myself for her error. They won't listen and it's fine... I hate people..anyway.
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Beckitty, you are not a terrible person and you did nothing wrong
You deserve to be happy, if anyone is telling you otherwise tell them they're wrong
And your art is amazing and I for one think you should still do it
I can't stop you from leaving, but just know that I'll miss you
And remember, shitty cake with shitty love icing
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you dont hurt people beckitty you make people feel better....including me......please dont go your an amazing artist and a really good person, i really enjoy your art and your company...please dont go......
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This is what you really want?
Ok, have a good life sweety <333
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I'm sorry this all happened, you will be missed. But, please, son't be so hard on yourself, that's just what we call the hedgehog's dilemma, at the same time it's natural for us to need to be with someone, it's natural for us not to be able to avoid hurting those people at some point. No matter how much we don't want that, it always happens. And that's ok, that's why we have the capability to forgive. I hope you'll keep at least drawing for yourself as something therapeutic, it's good for the soul. You don't need to show anyone. Good luck out there.
edit: I have an author I love who writes great self-development articles, I was looking for an opportunity to talk about him in a more natural way, but I really think the articles could help you as much as they helped me. I recommend you start by this one: markmanson.net/hate-yourself If it doesn't help, at least you'll have a good laugh because he has a great sense of humor.
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Becky.
I don't know, what could possibly be happening that's big enough for you to--continuously--give up like this- I've seen you leave, then come back, then come and go again...
I hate to be harsh here but have you even been paying attention??
Look at this; every time something happens to you, so many of your followers comment wishing you well and hoping for the best, all for you. Not only that, with all the shit you seem to go through, how can you not deserve happiness?
I don't know who the hell you're worried about hurting, but don't all of us outnumber them...?
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Dude....what the heck are you doing....are you trying to make it worse?
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If you'd read everything I wrote you'd see that I'm not...
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Oi...
Just because you lost (?) the bond of a dear friend doesn't mean you need to give up on everyone else... I'd know from experience: isolating yourself from everybody else to avoid causing--in your eyes--more hell, for attempted permanence, it just kills you in the end, and only you. You become desperate and it tears you apart harder than the initial loss ever did. ;
I mean, you do you, but... just letting you know what seems to be the case, or at least was for me. By the looks of it you don't have many IRL folks you can turn to either, right?... We're in the same boat.
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Becky, please dont go.
Talk to me please. Let me help you, you are so special to so many people.
Please say something...
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....If it makes you happy..I'll agree to your decisions..
I don't want any harm to come to anyone, so what you choose is COMPLETELY your choice..
I'll really miss you while you're gone..and many others will as well..
Please, stay safe, do things that'll make you happy, and remember us..
We will never forget you Beckitty..
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aww we'll miss ya! I do hope you keep creating art though, it would be a shame that such talent was wasted because of some dickhead (I don't know the real reason, but I am not gonna push ya for it)
I hope you do find happiness, whatever it may be
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Even though I didn't know much about you....you were on of my fav artists and idols and inspiration....I will never forget you Becky...
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Beckitty... I'll never forget you. You don't deserve this treatment. I should shut up. You try to enjoy your life after you leave DA... Have fun where ever you go... We will always be here, loving you from afar.
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I'll miss you Bec.. It was nice seeing you.. I hope you're life gets better. I know that changing people's minds is a thing that doesn't happen, but I do hope one day we'll all meet again..
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can u note me your email or something i can contact you with? i want to show u a doodle i made for you, but i cant upload it right now ;;
plus i'll miss u
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No! Please don't...! How will I get in contact with you. ;~;
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I understand... I hate to see it whenever you deactivate... If you must than do so, but please try and stay-
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I will really miss you, Becky >.<
just one last hug ;v; *hugs*
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Hey beck...sorry I haven't talked with you in SOOOO long or have been keeping up with your work . Been busy. But I respect that decision due to all the stuff you've been though in the DA community. I miss our old talks.
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Please don't! But if this is it, just know that you are such an inspiration to me, and your art really is amazing! Plus, in my opinion, you didn't do anything wrong. I really hope you will be okay and work things out.
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If you're set on it, and you're convinced there's no other way, I won't stop you.
Still, we're gonna miss you Bex. Stay safe.
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*hugs* Stay safe doll, if you ever need someone to just talk to you can reach me on my skype: iheartpewdiepie (it's a cringy name >~< I apologize for my twelve year old self-) In the future if you do come back we'd all love to have you back. I hope you feel better ^^
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It's ok..............if you choose to deactivate, we respect your choice. We'll miss you and we wish you the best of luck in whatever you do.
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Why?! Please stay! You have given me so much motivation to keep on in life! If you leave I'll fall in everything I believe in! Please!!
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If that is what you want to do, I'm not gonna stop you. I've heard what you've gone through and if this is what you believe might make a change, who I am to try to stop you?
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You know she's leaving, right?
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