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BlankEye — You're not alone (Page 21)
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Published: 2018-08-12 13:07:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 502; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 0
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Previous: You're not alone (Page 20)First: You're not alone (Page 1)
Fairytale: Fairytale (Page 1)
This is not the full story. I decided to split the story into three chapters, and "You're not Alone" is the name of the first chapter. The next chapter, "Bits of String", will develop these characters further as well as see the return of some older characters.
The final chapter will wrap up the story of Mercedes Yukimura the way I intended back in 2014 when she first popped up.
These stories are what I call "Loose Canon". By this I mean that this is one possible outcome of "Fairytale". Think of it as an optional sequel, even though this is the chain of events that I had in mind when I wrote the first version of "Fairytale".
Anyway, I hope this page looks alright, and that you can tell what's going on. I welcome critique on the art as well as the story, though as I mentioned, this is only the first chapter, so not much of the story has had time to develop.
I have been agonising over this thing for a long time now. I don't want to ruin the ambiguous ending of Fairytale, (Hence the loose canon) but I had to make a choice. Should I end Mercedes at our lowest point, when the point from the start was to show who we became because of it?
I decided that I was overthinking it, and to stick with the original idea, while letting readers decide for themselves where the story really ended.
Next project will be more a more action-oriented comic in the same setting as Heart of Silicone (Page 1) with "Bits of String" following after that.
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Comments: 24
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I was going to give Mercedes some more lines explaining why she can spot a "fake", but I thought it might be too weird for her to just exposit to herself like that!
She learned it from Satoshi, since he did the same thing.
I don't know if that comes across well, but I did drop some hints throughout this chapter that Cricket isn't a real person!
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I think I know what she's talking about
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Please do tell! I would love to hear how you interpret the story!
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Well it's been a lil while since I made that comment (happy to see you back btw!) so some things have fallen out of my brain, but the way I saw it was kinda like... aaaaa I don't remember OTL I think it was cuz Cricket's mood fluctuated and Mercedes can tell she's not being honest about how she feels... I had a better idea before lol I'm sorry my memory is awful :' D
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I'm happy to be back! A month without internet was in all honesty very unpleasant! I felt so isolated!
Even though it was a month ago since you made that comment, you are spot on! Cricket's relaxed "natural" face/expression only shows up when she thinks no one can see her. That will be expanded upon in the next chapter!
She is a profoundly dishonest person!
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I bet! I'd hate to go without internet for like, a day even
Yeah I thought I got what Mercedes meant!
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I think amber eyes are absolutely beautiful! Mercedes started with more dull brown eyes (Mercedes ) but they got amber as her design developed! Same with her brother, and of course baby Abel got the same features!
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I don't know about you, but i'm hooked for the next chapter in this story. Keep up the good and awesome work
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I am incredibly flattered! It always brightens my day to hear that people enjoy my stories, but please don't be afraid to critique them if you see something that doesn't look right, or if you think the story itself has flaws!
Thank you for reading it so far, and I hope I won't disappoint you in the future!
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That's the thing with critique. IF i would have something to critique on your(or anyone's) work, it would take me a really long paragraph or a wall of text to finally come to my point that i wanted to bring across. And this(so far) never happened, you know. I usually choose artists based on what they deliver i.e. their Character's/Story's, not by their name. You're one of the four(out of the dozen of Deviants i "watch")Artist's who has made memorable content(i alway's remeber your Characters and therefor the story's that are associated).
And you won't disapoint me in the future, here is why: I always see you character(or any orginal chars, be it from a show or from artist's of the internet) as YOUR own version of them, while i basically copy them, add some twists to them and insert them in my story's. Of course I DON'T take/deserve any credit or respect for these chars, only maby the changes i make to conform them/integrate them into my story's and overall setting and IF i would publish them here on DA or on Fanfiction.net i would alway's link to the respectiv owner and of course i wouldn't want to earn anything because i included these chars.
That all started 16 Years ago when i was 8 and over time the a "group" of different chars developed and "we" turned from being a part of the military(from an intergalactic civilization) into an independent mercenary group. Your chars would fall under the "DevaintArt" Group(Your chars are actually one of the most active group, due to the good story's and the character design's).
The Universes premise/problem would be "Corruption", a state that you fall into, if you are inactive or don't change much of your daily activity's. This can go so far until these chars become rouge(a.k.a. "Corrupted") and deviate/breake out of their repetetiv cycle.
They cycle through their current Story's until they hit the end. Is the overall story of any char not complete(basically do they have unfinished business, a.k.a they are still in development) they will repeat the segment/cycle. over and over until the original creator exentds/continues their story or finish's their development(finishing the chars dev. will make them more resistant against "Corruption" and finishing their overall story will give them a purpose and therefor make them nearly immune to "Corruption"). If the creator abandoned the char/overall story the cycle repeats indefinetly and eventuly the chars become "Corrupted", wich my Groupe of Merc's deals with those. So as long as a char has a finished Story or purpose he will be safe from the "corruption".
Also to come back to my statement to why you'll never dissapoint me; you have done everything right with your characters(personality,design and interactions between each other) and these original traits will always have the number 1 Priority in my version's, so that they stay true to their original masterpice's that they are.
I'm really sorry if that is kinda overwhelming and all, but i have cancled my job(wich i wasn't happy with, it was more like a last resort and i never wanted to do it in the first place, but thats better than coming out of school without a job) a few months ago to pursuit this story/Universe that i have been basically developing over the past 16 years and whenever i had a stressfull day at work or life would just be bad, you along those other few artist's would be there with your awesome story's and character's that would atleast let me forget what happened on those day's and draw me into these awesome story's and eviroments.
So thank you very, very, very,...(10 Hourse later...),very, very much for everything you have done/posted here. Like i said you are one of the very few that i'm really invested in.
Puhh, i think that is the longest "Thank you for basically everything", like ever(omg my comment has i fricking scroll bar!)
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English is not my first language, so please forgive me if I get something wrong now!
If I understood correctly, you use character archetypes that you find appealing from other stories in your own, right? I think that is how most people do it! Mercedes is a bit of a special case I think, in that I based her on a real person I know rather than a prototypical character arc or concept, which is how I usually do it.
I am incredibly flattered that you find my stories engaging, I have trouble putting my gratitude into words!
But if you do find something to critique, even if you need a paragraph to explain it, I do appreciate anyone who takes time out of their day to help me improve! I just want people to know that they do not have to be careful not to hurt my ego or anything!
You do not have to thank me, I am the one who should thank you!
I am sorry that you are hitting a rough patch in your life right now, but I am certain that you can find the strength you need to persevere! Humans have an extraordinary ability to thrive even in the most severe circumstances, and be all the stronger for it!
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Yes you understood that correcly, althought i should make clear(and i apologize if you allready included that) that i also(if i would finally learn how to draw[writing this after i wrote the paragraphs below]) copy the design and then, based on the story arc i develop for the entire Group, change the apperance/info of the chars accordingly. Sometimes there are even Sub-Stroyacrs for only one or a few Chars packed inside the main one, wich alters only those chars.
Thanks for your words. They're very welcome to hear. You're the first person(outside of my familiy and best friend) that i have ever told my concept of the Universe i have been building, and that helps quite a lot in my confidence. I'm always afraid of what would happen if i showed my version of someone else's charcter to them. It's just like you said: "...I have trouble putting my gratitude into words!" Thats excactly my problem, so i include every char i adore and kinda worship(some more then others) into my organization of mercs.
I also wanna learn how to draw at least somewhat acceptable chars, although that just takes alot, alot of practise. I started with drawing circles/triangles/squares put that got boring really fast(porbably because that's not what i wanted to do in the first place). So, if i may ask; how did you learn how to draw? Because i have come to the conclusion(after 5 days of drawing the above mentioned figures repetitively) that this doesn't help me at all. All it did(for me atleast) was drawing a pretty damn good circle, think i finally got it, drew the next one in the exact same manner i did and this one ended up all wonky. So i'm not quite sure wich way i should choose? Just looking for some input.
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I admit, I did not quite understand what "Stroyacrs" was, and I still do not quite grasp the concept.
I try to have a relaxed attitude, and I do not want to come off as pretentious or paranoid, but I did get a bit worried just now that you mentioned "copying my design".
Of course, context is key, so I would like this clarified so that I don't have to worry about it in the future!
As I mentioned, English is not my first language, and I feel kinda silly even asking about this!
I have hopes of getting published one day, and I do have to be careful about stuff like this, I hope you understand!
If you intend to make your own stories and publish them, I would ask that you do not copy my characters, but make your own ones, which can be a lot of fun! If you would like advice on character building and such, I would be happy to help out!
I hope you do not take this the wrong way, it is very flattering, but I do not want to lose ownership over my own stories and characters, so I have to be very careful with what I agree to. I hope my reasoning makes sense to you!
If I have misunderstood, please let me know!
As for how I learned to draw, I have been drawing since before I could talk properly! I have taken a very basic class, but for the most part I am self-taught.
I started by drawing my favourite characters. Optimus Prime, mostly! Spider-Man, Batman, Sailor Moon and Pokémon were common as well!
I grew to make my own characters, reinventing them every few years. Most of my current characters are reincarnations of older ones!
It was just something I loved to do, so I kept doing it.
If I were to give any advice, I would say that it is important to take criticism well and to dare to try new things. Try and find your own style, which usually happens on its own as you draw. There are a few particular artists that I look up to and whose work I draw inspiration from, such as Mike Mignola and Hiromu Arakawa.
This is all pretty general advice, since it is difficult for me to know what parts you think are difficult.
But starting with fan-art to get a hang of it sounds like it would be a good place to start!
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Like i said in the orginial comment, i don't want or will ever take any money for the drawings/storys i'll someday upload(especially the ones with characters in them, that i do not own). AND i won't, or more like, i CAN'T take your ownership of your characters away from you. Me doing so, would actually be illegal and i would have to face the consequences for such thing(getting my artwork removed or even getting my account banned). This could go even so far to me having to pay a large sum to the owner.
That's why i only said upload, not publish(since that word basicly means makeing a work of your own available for other's to buy). I would classify myself as an Fan-Artist. And its a general rule i follow, that i don't steal other peoples work for my own gains(wether i adore their design, personality, etc.). I will always give Credit to those who inspired me, or whose chars i have depicted, ALWAYS, no exceptions.
I'm a very harmonic person, so i don't want to hurt anyone or cause any trouble. See it as fanart. If you don't like it, then just let me know and i'll remove it ASAP(or i'll probably ask you befor i upload something, idk).
I will eventually have to make my own characters, since my story writing(actual writing, i still come up with a few storyacrs while daydreaming) has stopped 3-4 years ago, mostly since my job had gotten more demanding.
And i have some original chracters; an entire "race" actually(the intergalactic Empire i mentioned, wich my group of mercs were part of). They're androids and have taken the role of the sentinel of the entire universe, but they're leaving everyone alone, unelss it disturbs the peace of the universe. Thanks for offering your advice, I'll come back to you once i learned how to draw(or once i can draw decently).
As for the learing part: its good to hear that someone made it this far with what i concluded for myself and it helps quite a lot. I'll just have to start drawing everyday, to get the best progress possible for me, and talking to you has gotten me some insight into my own ideas(some flaws or even some concepts that i thought were developed, but in reality weren't) and overall it just helped to talk to someone about it. Thank you for taking your time
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I think I understand. Fan art is no problem, I am sorry if I sounded paranoid!
I have a soft spot for robots, so that android idea sounds interesting!
Drawing every day is a good idea! Even if you don't feel like it, drawing regularly helps you keep your skills up and to develop faster! I wish you the best of luck, and I am glad that I could be of help!
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just went back and reread the whole thing from the beginning and while I remember very little about the circumstances leading up to this [it has been a while] I am a lot more intrigued by the thought process behind the comic and would like to see effort put into making those clarifications for character and plot
obviously this is something you have been working on for a long time and your real life situation is not always great but for all that is said I still find myself intrigued by the way you go against conventional standards and the shiny almost abstract art style you have is very striking
maybe you have a lot of ambition to tell these stories but the [loose cannon] part is correct=many of these stories are pretty vague and come across as an artist wanting to indulge themselves with the context that they already know these characters and want to see their stories presented in a way where they know the course of the plot but the audience is left lost
It is pretty difficult especially with comic strips limiting the amount of dialogue that could convey the sort of point or focus of characters or story to the audience and I have followed you long enough to know that you really want these stories to be great but there is always something a little underwhelming about making these things only twenty or so pages long like little intro stories to a bigger book in the distance
Keep working on it
I think your art has come along greatly
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Thank you, I always appreciate your honesty. As you know, English is not my first language and I do not understand everything you said completely, but I will try!
I do not quite understand what you mean by the characters being vague. I try to tell the story as visually as I can, to avoid characters just belching exposition. I do not want the audience to be lost, that goes against the point entirely! How have you been lost? I want to rectify this.
I did not know that it was underwhelming to have the stories so short! I do this specifically to make it less intimidating for readers, making each chapter its own story seemed to me a good way to make it more accessible. I am sorry that this turned out to be the wrong way to handle the issue.
I am very grateful that you told me this. I wish I had known that my stories had such poor narrative, it kind of feels like I have wasted my characters on a self-indulgent fantasy.
You are one of the only people to have actually critiqued the storytelling itself rather than just the artwork, and I am immensely grateful that you try to make me more aware of my shortcomings!
Do you think this story is salvageable at this point?
I will re-evaluate my future projects with your advice in mind! Thank you very much!
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I think sometimes belching exposition can be good if it sort of ties the whole story together especially if people happen to stumble upon a certain page in a sequel story they have not read the prequel to ... It is more like you get a little too into telling the story visually and it becomes harder for people to remember the impact behind the way you present it
I am not the best example of asking where I got lost as I have not read your other story in many months and do not remember all of it ... mostly it was the character connections that mercedes and the blue eyed girl had that was lost on me because I did not know the significance ... I could guess that they have some troubled past with one another or perhaps with people they know but it all comes across as random mood changes if someone were to read this without reading what may have come before
It is almost like Marvel movies where it almost expects people to know the source material before understanding the deeper connections and references that a single movie has to further enjoyment
Telling a story so visually in a short time span can definitely make it feel underwhelming by the end but I do like the [own story in every page] perspective ... It is probably better that you make these stories shorter and then release other sequel or prequels titles to go along with them but I think you could make something bigger if you set your mind to it
However do not take my criticism as a [wrong way] as it is just my own criticism ... I have my perspective of how a story should be and you have your own ... this is not saying I think the story is bad but how I think the story could be improved if you were asking me personally ... I am just one person
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I understand! I don't know how I could take your critique the "wrong way", you are simply sharing your experience, and I appreciate that a lot!
I will try to improve my storytelling, and I hope that I have not completely ruined my stories so far!
I will think things over and see where I end up regarding future stories!
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