HOME | DD
Blueshift2k5 — The Mane Cast-Offs
Published: 2011-08-28 16:34:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 13878; Favourites: 72; Downloads: 158
Redirect to original
Description
Part 1: Twilight SparkleThe cup slowly rose into the musky air, surrounded by an aura of shimmering magical energies, fizzing bright purple like a carefully controlled firework. Twilight Sparkle kept her gaze fixed on the object, carefully lifting it higher and higher, the glow from her horn gently caressing the magical eddies that surrounded it.
"Carefully, carefully..." she whispered, quickly flicking through to the next page in her spell book and reading the incantations by the light of a nearby candle. "This time I've got it – "
The cup exploded in a shower of porcelain and sparks. Twilight ducked, giving a scream of shock and frustration as several shards flew towards her, embedding themselves in the wall. The door flew open and a very grumpy small dragon marched in.
"Twilight!" Spike hissed, clutching a blanket to himself defensively. "It's gone midnight, can't you give it a rest, I'm trying to sleep." He blinked his weary eyes. "I'm sure all this studying can't be good for you and – wait, is that ALL the crockery?"
Twilight stared back at Spike, wild-eyed amongst a sea of broken kitchenware. "It doesn't matter Spike! I'm so close! I just need to perfect the spell to turn a mug into a slug!" She gently prodded a broken handle. "Once I can do that, I'm one step closer to turning a jar into a car! I owe it to Princess Celestia to be the best in all Equestria at magic!"
Spike stood motionless for a moment, before slowly shaking his head. "Yeah Twilight, whatever. You're cleaning all this up remember. Just... don't overdo it, okay?"
As her faithful assistant left the room, Twilight was once more left alone by the light of a flickering candle. "Silly Spike" she whispered to herself, scrabbling to find the correct page in her book. "Now, where was I...?"
***
Twilight gently blinked open her eyes as the first rays of dawn broke through the window pane. She rolled over, snuggling her head into the pillow. "Mmm" she grinned. "Another day, another chance to learn more about magic!"
Stretching her hooves, she slowly rose to greet the dawn. But something was wrong. She felt oddly... lightheaded.
With a mounting sense of dread, Twilight clapped her hooves to her forehead. It was smooth.
Lying on her pillow was her horn, shrivelled and black.
Twilight's stomach turned upside down and churned. Her legs almost collapsed beneath her as she stared in dumbfounded horror. It had to be a joke. Or poison oak. Or a trick. Or...
She did the only thing she could think of. She started to cry.
***
"Okay girls..." Spike took a deep breath and got ready to open the door to Twilight's bedroom. "She's not in a great way but I think it'll do her good to see some friends. Now..." he leaned in towards the ponies that had gathered on the landing and started to whisper conspiratorially. "I'm not sure what happened but she probably messed up a spell or something..."
From inside the room there was a shrill shriek. "I did NOT mess up a spell!"
Spike winced as if expecting to be struck by an invisible brick, but then slowly straightened up. "Sure Twi, sure!" he shouted back. And then he opened the door.
Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Rainbow Dash slowly shuffled into the darkened room, unsure of what they would find. Twilight sat in bed, her face etched into a permanent display of misery. On her forehead was crudely taped a blackened horn.
"Oh Sugarcube!" Applejack's face fell in sorrow. "Did you mess up a spell again?"
Fluttershy moved in, her heart bursting with compassion, shaking her head sadly. "You're always messing up spells Twilight."
Twilight glared at her friends. "Than- wait, no! I've never messed up any spell! Name one! Where did I get this reputation from?"
Her friends stared back at her in silence. Then Rainbow Dash piped up. "Well, I guess it's kinda the sort of thing you'd do..."
"No no no." This time it was Rarity who spoke. "It's not Twilight messing up a spell. I'm afraid it's horn rot." She looked at Twilight with her big round eyes, tinged with sadness. "Oh Twilight, did they never teach you safe hex?"
"Horn... WHAT?" Twilight's mouth hung open. "Rarity what ARE you talking about?"
Rarity sighed. "Fillies these days... If a unicorn uses too much magic, staying out all night and binging on spells and curses, then their horn can rot and fall off."
Twilight's pupils shrunk and she pulled the bed sheets up as if to protect herself from this awful truth. "Nopony ever told ME!" she squeaked. "C-can anything be done?"
"Oh of course!" Rarity replied.
Twilight's face brightened in hope.
"You could always go for a strap on. They're quite the fashion accessory for the magic-less unicorn!"
Twilight's face crumpled, tears welling at the corner of her eyes. "No! No! I'm Princess Celestia's star pupil! I can't be without my magic, it's all I've got! It's what makes me me!"
Rainbow Dash moved in for a hug. "Don't be silly Twilight, we're still your friends and I'm sure Princess Celestia will understand..."
Twilight pulled back, a snarl on her face. "No! I'm not giving up so easily! There must be some way to get my magic back! Some ancient tome of forgotten secrets! I can't be without magic, what sort of useless pony would I be then?" She paused. "Not that you're all useless of course..."
An awkward silence followed.
***
"Applejack! Rainbow Dash! Come quick! I've got my magic back!"
Applejack jerked her head around to stare at the door to the library. Twilight's head bobbed out of it excitedly, a world away from the pit of misery and despair she had been in. Applejack gave a sly smile to Rainbow Dash. "See, ah said it wouldn't take her long to get better!"
The two ponies trotted inside to meet their friend. Twilight was bobbing about enthusiastically, rooting through a large wooden chest. She popped her head up, revealing a large purple paper horn stuck to her head in place of her shrivelled black one. "Look!" she chirped, holding up a battered book with her hooves. "I found this book! It means I can do magic again and still be Princess Celestia's star pupil!"
Applejack stared at the book cover. It read "101 Party Tricks To Impress Your Friends!" She narrowed her eyes. "Ah don't think..." she began slowly, but there was no stopping Twilight's exuberance.
"Rainbow, sit here!" She pushed some chairs in front of a table. "Applejack, you here. Now I'll show you my magic! I've still got it!" Twilight began to clumsily shuffle a pack of cards and held them out in front of Rainbow Dash. "Take a card, any card!"
Rainbow Dash stared at the fan of cards as if it were a live snake, and then slowly pulled up a card. On the underside was a large number four and a diamond. "It's..."
"No no, don't tell me!" Twilight placed a hoof on her head and concentrated hard. "Your card... your card is the six of clubs!"
Rainbow Dash sat shell shocked before breaking out into a grin, hiding the card. "Well done Twilight, you did it!"
Twilight's grin matched Rainbow Dash's. "Yes! I knew I could! I'm still the most magical pony in Ponyville! I'm still Princess Celestia's favourite! I still have self-worth! I'm still-"
"Wait a darned cotton pickin' minute!" Applejack snatched the card away from Rainbow Dash's hoof and glared at it. The colour drained from Rainbow Dash's face as she quickly shook her head. "Now look at that! Rainbow Dash only went an' got it wrong Twilight! This ain't the six of clubs!"
Rainbow Dash tried to grab the card back. "Yes it is!"
Applejack shook her head, completely missing the point in her quest for the truth. "No it ain't Rainbow, can't you count? See Twilight, see?" She held up the card to a crestfallen Twilight. "Rainbow gone read it wrong an'..." She trailed off as Twilight began to cry. "Ohhhhh..."
Twilight sunk to her haunches, her paper horn peeling from her head. Applejack slowly moved in to comfort her friend. "Don't worry Twilight. It ain't your magic who makes you what you are, it's you. Ponies ain't gonna stop liking or respecting you just 'cos you can't do fancy stuff no more. The Princess will still be your friend even if you can't do spells. You got your health, an' that's what matters!"
Twilight slowly sniffled, rising to her feet. "You know what Applejack..." she said softly. "You're right. I'm more than my magic, that was just a small part of the larger whole that is Twilight Sparkle! I can still help my friends and the Princess even without my magic. Spike!" she clopped her hooves together with newfound vigour. "Take a letter to the Princess!"
Obediently, Spike began to write.
Dear Princess Celestia.
Yesterday, a terrible thing happened. I lost my horn to horn rot. I lost my magic, but worst of all, I lost my self-respect. I thought that my magic was what defined me, but what really defines a pony is the friends they keep and how they act when all seems lost. Real friends are there for you because of who you are, not what you can do.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
With a puff of magical energy, Spike sent the letter hurtling to its destination. Barely moments later, he coughed out a reply.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I am saddened to hear of your loss, you were such a gifted student, but I promise you will always remain dear in my heart. Do not worry I will take swift action to remedy your situation.
Yours,
Princess Celestia
Twilight's eyes brimmed over. Rainbow Dash and Applejack both gave her a hug. "See!" Applejack smiled. "The Princess still loves you Twilight! And she says she's gonna help!" Twilight just nodded in reply.
With a clatter, Spike staggered back, choking as a large box materialised from his throat, a note attached to the top. "I-it's for you Twilight!" he croaked out.
Twilight looked at the box in wonderment, slowly unfurling the note. "It's from the palace..." she whispered. "Princess Celestia sure moves fast! I wonder what solution she's found?" Applejack and Rainbow Dash leaned over Twilight's shoulder, eager to read the note.
Dear Ms Sparkle,
It has come to our attention that you are unable to practise magic and as such are ineligible to continue to receive your lodgings and bursary from Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns. You have 24 hours to vacate your premises. Please ensure that your assistant is placed back in his original packaging and returned to Canterlot. A stamped addressed parcel is enclosed for your convenience.
Yours,
Irving Braxiatail
Chief Administrative Officer
Canterlot Court
As Twilight gape at the note, Spike rooted about in the box, lifting out several large pieces of eggshell. "Hey Twilight!" he called quizzically. "What do you want me to do with this?"
Twilight just continued to stare. Finally, she spoke.
"Oh bobbins."
Part 2: Rarity
"Oh that poor Twilight! Losing her horn and her magic and her house AND Spike!" Rairty sighed to herself, surrounded by a multitude of threads, scissors and needles that floated in a magical aura next to her head in an expert blaze of sorcerous sewing. "Still, this hat I'm making is sure to cheer her up!"
Sweetie Belle blinked at her big sister in confusion. "I don't understand. How will a hat make her better?"
She jumped back as Rarity turned around and almost snapped the little filly's head off. "It just will, Sweetie Belle. That's how it works. Nice clothes make everything better. Now, hooves off!" Shame-faced, Sweetie Belle dropped the bolt of fabric she had been playing with.
"But Rarity..." Sweetie Belle whispered. "What if I get horn rot?" Her large round eyes trembled. "I don't want to have to go crazy too!"
Rarity just shook her head and gave Sweetie Belle a nuzzle. "Don't worry Sweetie. Only unicorns that abuse their magic get horn rot. We're sensible unicorns who have been brought up correctly. Now!" she coughed. "Once I get this hat made, I've got to finish ten dresses for a large Canterlot order. And no..." she fixed Sweetie Belle with a stern gaze. "You can't help me, maybe when you're older. Go to bed."
As Sweetie Belle slunk upstairs, Rarity sighed, concentrating hard to carefully finish the crocheted horn which rested upon the top of the hat. "Superb, Rarity, superb!" she smiled to herself. "What a talented pony you are!"
***
Rarity awoke with a start, realising that she'd fallen asleep at the sewing machine. The material that was to form one of the dresses for her Canterlot order was now coated with drool. "Ew" she muttered, reaching out to magically lift a brush to wipe off the offending marks.
Nothing happened.
Wide eyed, Rarity turned sideways to stare straight into a full length mirror. Her horn was still on her head but it had turned black. "No!" she gasped, her throat drying up. "No, I was so careful! I just had to work hard to finish this order, I didn't mean to..." She gingerly tapped the horn. It fell off with a clatter.
Rarity shook her head, her heart starting to thump in her chest as it welled with panic. "No no no, this won't do at all!" Around her was scattered the beginnings of ten dresses that had to be finished fast. Without magic there was only one choice - she had to do it by hoof!
***
"Horn rot!" Sweetie Belle squeaked in horror, as she clasped her hooves to her mouth in shock and then quickly touched her head to make sure her own horn was still attached. She had happily trotted downstairs for breakfast to be greeted by the scene of her hornless bedraggled sister clutching a tattered piece of cloth and struggling to open a pair of scissors with her mouth.
"I... I can't do it without magic!" Rarity croaked, holding up a crudely stitched together loop of material.
"Um...." Sweetie Belle paused, thinking for a moment. "But that's a nice belt Rarity.
"It's a SOCK! It's supposed to be a SOCK!" Rarity leapt forwards to shake Sweetie Belle wildly. "How am I supposed to gently and expertly stitch beautiful garments with these marshmallows!" She held up her hooves in resignation. "I need magic. I need help." Slowly, she smiled invitingly at Sweetie Belle. "Say Sweetie Belle. How would you like you help your big sister?"
Sweetie Belle beamed proudly. This was the moment she'd been waiting for all her life. "Sure Rarity! I'll do anything!"
***
"Why these dresses are magnificent!" Hoity Toity dropped his shades to look over the craftsmanship. "You have really excelled yourself my dear! And using such an unusual technique too! It's genius!"
Rarity beamed proudly, nodding her head. "It's as they say Hoity Toity. There are no problems, only solutions!"
"Can I come down now?" Sweetie Belle squeaked. She was covered in duct tape, which looped around her body to bind her tightly to Rarity's head like a hat, her little horn in roughly the same position that Rarity's had been.
"Not yet Sweetie." Rarity tugged on a string that she had tied to Sweetie Belle's horn. A glow of magic lifted up a pair of scissors. "We have twenty more dresses to make this week for Mr Toity! And then two dozen hats for the Equestrian Civic Society. You did say you want to help, didn't you?"
Sweetie Belle sighed in resignation. "I guess..." She was sure Rarity would let her down at some point.
"Oh Sweetie Belle!" Rarity smiled. "I can see this as the beginning of a beautiful partnership. Forever and ever and ever!"
Part 3: Rainbow Dash
"One hundred Sonic Rainbooms? Really?" Twilight Sparkle peered up at the sky as blast after blast of rainbow energy filled the air, holding her hooves over her crocheted horn hat to block the light that threatened to blind her.
"It's a bit... vulgar" Rarity searched for the right words to be polite before giving up. There was a squeak of agreement from atop her head as Sweetie Belle craned her neck to try to see what was going on. Rarity gave Sweetie Belle a little tap on the head. "Go back to sleep Sweetie, it isn't sewing time!"
Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but then thought better of it, instead steering the subject back on course. "I mean, the first time was kinda cool, but after one hundred it's a bit... samey?"
Fluttershy glared at Twilight. "Oh no Twilight, I think it's wonderful! Go Dash go!" She clopped her hooves together as Rainbow Dash finally finished filling the sky with rainbows and gracefully landed on the grass in front of her friends.
"Did you see that?" Rainbow Dash squeaked in glee. "One hundred Sonic Rainbooms! That's one hundred times better than one Sonic Rainboom! I've got the magic touch!" She smirked, and then coughed apologetically in the direction of Twilight and Rarity. "Uh, I mean the pegasus touch..."
Twilight just rolled her eyes. "It's quality not quantity Rainbow. Like that week you went around saying everything was 'twenty percent cooler'. It just got annoying!"
"Twenty percent more annoying!" Rarity agreed. "Now Rainbow, that was all well and nice, but did you remember to tape your wings on before you did all that Rainbooming?"
Fluttershy rolled her eyes at Rarity. "Don't be silly Rarity, of course Rainbow Dash taped her wings on. Why wouldn't she?" Rainbow Dash just screwed up her face in confusion.
"Wait what?" Rainbow Dash looked between her three friends in puzzlement. "What they hay are you going on about?"
Three sets of mouths gaped open in shock before her. Twilight was the first to speak. "Y-you mean you don't tape your wings on before you go flying? What if they fall off?"
Rainbow Dash snorted. "Don't be ridiculous Twilight! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Wings don't fall off if you don't tape them on!"
Fluttershy lifted up her wings to reveal a strip of duct tape across each one. "Yes they do Rainbow!" she gasped. "Every pony knows that!"
Sweetie Belle squeaked from on top of Rarity's head. "It's true! Even I know that! If a pegasus doesn't tape their wings on before they go flying, their wings could fall off!"
Rainbow Dash stomped her hoof in annoyance. "Come on girls! That's untrue and rather tasteless! Wings don't fall off! Look!" She flapped a wing in proof.
It fell off.
Taking a step backwards in shock, Rainbow Dash looked around in horror. "Nononono! My wing! At least..."
Her other wing fell off.
Rainbow Dash stood stock still, mortified. "But... what... that's not fair! I didn't know!" She glared at Twilight. "This is your fault Twilight! You messed up a spell didn't you?" she levelled accusingly.
Twilight rolled her eyes and pointed to the missing horn on her head. Rainbow Dash blushed.
"Rainbow Dash! That was brilliant!" From the sky swept a fiery yellow Pegasus clad in a blue uniform. It was Spitfire, the captain of the elite flying team the Wonderbolts. "One hundred Sonic Rainbooms, I counted them all! Incredible!" Spitfire landed beside Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow, for that incredible feat I would like to offer you a place in the Wonderbolts..."
She trailed off as she took in the two blue wings that lay on the ground beside Rainbow Dash. "Oh. Right. Wow. Awkward. You didn't do the tape thing, eh?" She flapped her wings to show a strip of duct tape on the underside of each of them.
Rainbow Dash's eyes watered and her mouth began to tremble. A silence descended upon the gathered ponies. Spitfire took a slow step back. "Well, I've got to fly I guess..." She trailed off again.
Rainbow Dash raised a quivering head towards Spitfire, trying to fight back the tears. "C-can I still b-be a W-won-"
"No." Spitfire cut Rainbow Dash off. "Let's stop that line of thinking right now. Goodness, is that the time?" Forcing her mouth into a smile, she quickly took off as fast as physically possible.
Rainbow Dash sunk to her haunches, a guttural sob echoing through her body, resting her head in her hooves as she lost herself to tears. "Oh Celestia! My wings! My beautiful wings!"
Twilight moved to hug Rainbow Dash. "Oh Rainbow" she smiled softly. "Remember what you told me? Stuff like magic and flying is just external. It's what's on the inside that really matters!"
Rainbow Dash slapped Twilight's hoof away. "Yeah, but this is different Twilight. This is about ME! Rainbow Dash! How can I be the best pony if I can't fly?"
Rolling onto her back, Rainbow Dash hugged her fallen wings and wept.
***
Rainbow Dash stood atop the rocky outcrop as lightning flashed overhead. On her back were tied two large leaves which flapped helplessly in the wind.
She looked down, gulping. "I'm nothing without my wings!" she called out to the elements. "The other ponies don't understand, but if I can't fly, I'd rather die! One last Sonic Rainboom!"
Leaning forwards, Rainbow Dash let herself tumble off the rocks, surrendering herself to the elements as her false wings tore themselves from her back as she fell.
"Ouch!" Rainbow Dash landed upside down on her head, the craggy top of the rocks an entire metre above her.
"Wow Rainbow Dash. I thought you were cool..." Rainbow Dash scrambled to her feet to be met with the sight of Scootaloo, standing on her scooter shaking her helmeted head in disapproval.
"Oh Scootaloo." Rainbow Dash sunk into the ground, sniffling. "I know, I'm pathetic, a pegasus without wings! I can't teach you to fly. But..." she gulped.
"...Can you teach me how to ride a scooter?"
Part 4: Fluttershy
Fluttershy yawned awake as the sun poured into her cottage. As she rose from her bed, she realised she felt lighter than usual. Something was missing.
Turning around, she noticed two yellow wings still lying on the mattress. She patted her back. It was smooth and wingless.
"Oh well" Fluttershy shrugged, picking up the wings in her mouth and trotting outside to her animal friends. "Angel bunny! I've got some nice new bedding for you!"
Part 5: Applejack
"Ah don't believe you!" Applejack turned to Granny Smith angrily. "That's just made up! Ah've never heard such rubbish before!"
Granny Smith simply tutted in response. "It's true young Applejack! If you talk to boys your legs will fall off!"
With a huff, Applejack strode to the door. "Ah've heard of horn rot an' I've heard of wing rot but ah ain't heard of leg rot. Ah talk to Big Mac every day. An' you were down talkin' to Doctor Whooves last week! You just want to stop me talkin' to Caramel! Well ah ain't fallin' for it!"
Granny Smith shook her head. "Mark my words Applejack! Mark my words!"
***
Applejack kicked the tree hard. Another shower of apples neatly fell into the baskets placed around the trunk. "Stupid Granny Smith!" she muttered to herself. "Makin' up crazy stuff!"
"Hi Applejack!"
Applejack smiled as Caramel came into view, bundles of seeds tied to his back. "Just off down the fields Applejack. Wonderful day isn't it?"
With a nod, Applejack flashed a smile back. "Sure is Caramel, sure is!" As Caramel passed, she gave the tree an extra hard buck.
Nothing hit the tree. Something that resembled an orange marshmallow shot into the air in a graceful arc before crashing into the treetops. Applejack froze in alarm, her eyes fixed in disbelief, gazing at the gap where her left hind leg had been.
"...Mah leg! Help! Help" she cried out in panic, wobbling, trying desperately to maintain her balance.
"What's wrong?" Caramel came racing back, his face etched in panic.
"Mah leg fell off!" Appleback replied, hyperventilating. As she did, her right foreleg dropped to the floor. Applejack followed it with a crash.
"Applejack!" Caramel gasped out in horror at the two-legged Applejack which lay at the base of the tree.
Applejack looked up in alarm. "No Caramel! Ah can't talk to you! Mah legs will fall off!" At this response, her right hind leg detached and slowly rolled away.
Caramel screeched to a halt, looking about in a fluster. "What, you can't speak to me at all?"
"NO!" Applejack yelled back. Her left foreleg popped off. Applejack sighed in resignation. "Ah horseapples. Ah guess it don't matter no more..."
***
Big Mac, Caramel, Granny Smith and Apple Bloom all stared down in concern at Applejack. The orange Earth Pony had propped herself against a tree and was continually head-butting it, to little effect.
"Applejack, if y'all just...." Big Mac begun, but Applejack, turned her head angrily, her sausage-like body rolling over at the motion.
"Ah don't need no help! Ah can keep buckin' this orchard on mah own, even without no legs!"
Apple Bloom slowly trotted over to the tree. "No Applejack! We'll all help! That's what family is for!" She gave the tree a little kick. An apple fell from a branch.
Apple Bloom squealed. At the very moment the apple fell, a sparkling aura appeared on her rear and the image of an apple appeared. Her face at once turned from sadness to dazzling joy, and she began to hop about the orchard in happiness.
"Ah got it! Mah cutie mark! Ah got it!"
Granny Smith shook her head sadly. "Oh Apple Bloom. If ya'll show too much pride, your haunches will fall off."
Apple Bloom paused at Granny Smith's words. At that very moment, her haunches neatly fell off, taking her cutie mark with it. She hung her head in shame. "Aw what?!"
Part 6: Pinkie Pie
Mr and Mrs Cake sat at the table, tucking into their hearty dinner of steaming broccoli and swede mash. At the other end sat Pinkie Pie, merrily and noisily tucking into a plate of sugar mice and sherbet dip and chocolate sprinkles.
After several minutes of listening to the noisy munching, Mrs Cake sighed and looked across at Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie dear..." she cooed. "You know we respect your choices, but you can't eat sweets all the time. It's not good for you!"
Mr Cake nodded firmly. "You'll get head rot!"
Pinkie Pie slowly put down a liquorice lace and stared back, puzzled. "Head rot? I've heard of horn rot, and I've heard of wing rot, and I've heard of leg rot – that's if Applejack talks to boys – but I've not heard of head rot! You're making it up!"
Mrs Cake recoiled at this, taken aback at the accusation of dishonestly. "No Pinkie, if you eat too many sweets your head will fall off! That's just how it is!"
Pinkie Pie returned to munching her sickly hoard thoughtfully. "Oh, I see how it is. I see how it is..."
***
That night, Pinkie Pie lay in bed, thinking hard about what the Cakes had said. She knew many ponies, and they all liked sweets. They all had heads too! She slipped a Parma Violet into her mouth. "Silly Cakes..." she mumbled sleepily. "Don't know what they're talking about..."
Pinkie Pie awoke with a spring in her hooves as usual. "Time for another day" she chirped. But something was wrong. She felt different somehow, lightheaded. Slowly she patted her chest. Then her neck. Then upwards...
There was nothing there!
Pinkie Pie flailed around helplessly, finally staggering over to her bed, where she felt the shape of her head still resting on her pillow.
"Oh come on!" came a tiny squeak from her neck hole.
***
"Morning Mr Cake! Morning Mrs Cake!" Pinkie Pie stumbled blindly down the stairs, landing with a crash amongst a collection of pans. She stumbled to her feet and staggered across the room, smashing into a stack of carefully prepared confectionary.
Mrs Cake stared disapprovingly. "Pinkie!" She admonished. "Did you eat so many sweets that your head fell off?"
"No!" lied the headless pony. She continued to trot about the room in a circle before slowly and sadly sinking to the floor. "Oh I can't lie Mrs Cake! I did eat too many sweets and I got head rot and my head fell off! I thought maybe nopony would notice!"
"Oh Pinkie!" Mrs Cake hugged Pinkie Pie's neck. "We all make mistakes. But not having a head doesn't mean you can't live a full and happy life. Let's get some healthy food down you!" Mrs Cake carefully lowered a carrot down Pinkie Pie's neck hole. Pinkie Pie gulped it down gratefully.
"Thanks Mrs Cake, you're the best!" Pinkie Pie replied. "I would sniff and cry but my tear ducts are upstairs on my pillow."
Mrs Cake smiled lovingly. "Don't worry, I'll tell everypony what happened, I'm sure they'll be understanding. Why don't you hold a big party for all your friends? You could invite your friend Rarity, she's got two heads hasn't she? Maybe she can give you one of hers?"
Pinkie Pie sighed, her neck hole creasing into a sad arc. "She doesn't have two heads, but thanks Mrs Cake. I should hold a party though! I don't need a head to have a good time!"
***
"Thanks for inviting me to your party!" Twilight smiled nervously. Sugarcube Corner was a throng of ponies, all smiling and laughing. The decorations were not up to the usual standard: Pinkie Pie had demanded that she do them all herself. Banners were misshapen, food and drink was splayed out as if a cart had overturned, and most disturbingly, Pinkie Pie had sat in the middle of the room blowing up balloons using her neck hole.
"No problem Twilight!" Pinkie Pie chirped. "I realised that me losing my head was no different to you losing your magic or Fluttershy losing her wings!"
"I lost what?" Fluttershy perked up, and then looked at her sides. "Oh right. Yes. Sorry I keep forgetting. It's a nice party though Pinkie!"
"Indeed!" Rarity nodded. There was a squeal of protest from Sweetie Belle as the head-mounted filly was shaken up and down. "But darling, I'm not sure about the centrepiece..."
Pinkie Pie trotted over to the middle of the table and held up a melon baller. "It's a melon, silly, you're supposed to help yourself!" she announced, grasping the instrument and digging away at the object that took pride of place on the table.
Rainbow Dash winced and leaned close to Rarity. "Should... should we tell her that's actually her head?"
Rarity shook her head, eyes glazed open with horror as Pinkie Pie started to dish up her head into little bowls and ask some mortified ponies if they wanted cream with that. "N-no, we can just pretend we ate some. Let's not upset her more than necessary, not today..."
"Oh hey girls!" Rarity and Rainbow Dash leapt to the side in shock. Beneath them was what at first glance looked like a giant orange worm, but it was in fact Applejack, painfully dragging herself across the ground using only her chin. "Sorry ah couldn't get here sooner, ah came as fast as ah could!"
Twilight Sparkle just sighed heavily. "Oh Applejack, if only there was something we could... do..." She stared at the legless Applejack. She then stared at the headless Pinkie Pie. "This might be crazy..." she muttered. "But I've got the perfect plan..."
Moments later, Applejack trotted out of Sugarcube Corner, her limbless body taped to Pinkie Pie. "C'mon Pinkie!" she announced gleefully. "We've got work to do!"
Epilogue
The door to Princess Celestia's inner sanctum was kicked open by a small box from which tiny purple arms jutted out. Spike popped his angry little head out from the top, covered in egg shell and parcel tape. "Just what" he cried out in exasperation "is going on?"
In the middle of the chamber, the princess and her sister stood over a map of Equestria, moving little figurines across it. Celestia gave a hiccup and took another sip from a strong-smelling bottle.
"What... what if..." she trilled, slurring her words slightly. "What if a pony stands on a crack and their tail falls off?"
Luna fell backwards into a crate of empty wine bottles. There were a lot of bottles. Days worth in fact. "Bwahaha! But w-what if..." She climbed giddily to her hooves and took a drink of a suspiciously brightly coloured liquid. "W-what if when a sister is mean to her sister, her head turns into a gooseberry?"
Both ponies fell to floor in fits of giggles. Celestia rose shakily to her feet and peered into her now empty glass. "I don't know why we don't' do thish more often, it'sh fun..." She paused. "Don't like that gooseberry thing though, it'sh dumb!"
With a pop, Celestia's head turned into a tiny gooseberry. Both ponies collapsed again in laughter.
Spike simply stood in the doorway and sighed. "Oh. It's that time again."
Related content
Comments: 102
I actually laughed out loud at this......Brilliant....just brilliant.
Keep up the wonderful work, as well as the sillyness
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I don't really know how to respond to this....... I think WTF pretty much sums it up
The part where Sweetie Bell gets duct taped to Rarity was kinda funny, and the epilogue, but the rest.....idk
The Pinkie Pie part was weird and pretty disgusting. I mean really, serving her own head to the other ponies..... I really don't know what to say
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
LOL 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This got gradually more and more ridiculous. I found myself loving it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm...I'm pretty sure I'm drunk. That's the only reason to explain this zaniness...and to keep my head from exploding.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Celestia's been drinkin wine, lol.
i wonder what xplainin she has to do to everypony when she wakes with a hangover
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I like how, since the princesseseses are just drunk, and Spike seems to have seen this before, they might be able to undo all the damage caused by their actions
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wait,if Twilight can turn a mug into a slug and in theory a jar into a car,could she also turn tigger into a n........
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
LOVED IT!!! Glad to know they get better though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I laughed all the way through. Especially the bit about the "melon". That was so gross yet sooo funny.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Well, the 'Random' tag CERTAINLY didn't lie on that one, that's for sure.
Fluttershy part is one of the funniest, and shortest too by some coincidence ?
Also... drunk Princesses.
They surely undo everything after a day or 2, and a painful hangover.
-----
Also... I strongly believe there's a group of nuts-crazies that decided to take every elements of this story and to blow them *EXTREMELY* Out-of-proportion... They are quite suspicious...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This was absolutely brilliantly written, and the ending just pulled it together perfectly.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
.... They must have drunk strong vodka and LSD....
I don't even know how that is supposed to work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This story had too much win in it for me to handle... my body fell off because of it. ARE YOU HAPPY?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
this xwas funny but my arms fell off sol ikm typingg with myh face n olw
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I did enjoy these stories. There was never a time where i would have questioned the actions of a character like, 'she would never say that' or anything. Some where a bit sad, like the spitfire encounter, but each chapter ended with me laughing a bit. Sometimes in the middle too. And with the sillyness and farfetch-ness of the situation, i never once got upset over my favorite character's misfortunes. The ending especially re-assured any discomfort, explaining that none of it was real, but in a funny way instead of just waking up from a dream. Great job.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
In my mind it is like in the episode where Twilight gets hit on the head by a piano. If that was real life it would be a horrific and life-changing experience, crippling and mutilating her for life. But it was played as ridiculous.
Same stuff here. Pinkie Pie's head falls off. It doesn't affect her life in any way. B'boom-tshh!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm sure you don't want to hear from me again, but I implore you from the bottom of my heart to hear me out. Please.
Yes. That's true. If a piano or anvil or something fell on someone in real life it'd be tragic and horrible, and yet it happened in MLP and everything was fine.
But there are two things here. First of all, there was never anything too graphic in that MLP episode. All we saw was her pissed off and in bandages afterward. We didn't see the immediate aftermath or any blood or disturbing stuff.
The other thing is that has a basis in traditional cartoons like Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry. Now a lot of people have already compared it to Tom and Jerry but here's the thing. While Tom's head may have fallen off in the cartoon, it never ended up dead/inert/(if it's at all related to the horn rot part) shrivelled, blackened, and decaying on the ground. Furthermore, Tom never shoved things down an exposed esophagus, he never talked out of an exposed windpipe, and most importantly, he never scooped his own brains out of his rotting skull with a melon baller and shoved them down his throat. I really hold fast that there's a clear difference between these two sorts of things.
If Pinkie's head had fallen off but still been animated and she wandered around carrying it under her arm, her head still being the thing talking and eating and stuff, or if you did anything Khuur commented, or if you had the head be the only thing that was still active and had it bouncing around like one of the characters from Veggietales then that would have been totally different. Hell, I'll even concede that that part could have been hilarious.
Look, I get that I was a jerk a couple comments back, but I really don't understand how you don't understand that some people might have been put off by that part at the very least. I don't understand why you didn't put a grimdark tag on it just to be safe.
I'm sorry for being a dick, and I'll try not to bother you again, but I hope you actually read this reply. At this point, you have no idea how much it would mean.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Hi. Don't worry I wasn't ignoring you, I was just unsure of how to respond.
I certainly didn't intend on upsetting anyone, this story was meant to be a bit of harmless fund, and luckily 99.9% of people have taken it that way. But humour's so subjective isn't it? For the recor4d I'm British, and so tend to lean towards the more darker, absurd humour than the sort my American cousins across the pound like. If this story was /real/, if it was a realistic depiction of someone's head being cut off with gruesome talk of blood and guts and sorrow and misery then yeah, I'd agree with you totally. I hate that sort of thing.
It's not though. It's absurdism to the highest degree. Pinkie Pie wakes up and find her head has fallen off. This is treated as a minor inconvenience, akin to losing a tooth. For something to be gruesome or horrible (to me at least) it needs to be treated as such, either in vivid description or in the way the characters react. I find it interesting you talk about Pinkie's horrible rotting head having its brains spooned out, because that imagery isn't in the story at all (the whole sequence is a cutaway reaction shot), you seem to be reading it in a much darker tone than it's intended. In fact, I imagined Pinkie's head like a giant marshmallow or ball of cotton wool with bits being casually scooped out.
Is the Monty Python and the Holy Grail Black Knight sequence funny or gruesome? It's funny to me, the knight is having his limbs hacked off, there's even blood! Not in my mind. There's not even any blood here! Applejack's legs just fly off! Because she talked to boys! If you can't take something seriously, you can't be horrified by it. But again, humour is subjective.
Oddly enough, your suggestion that Pinkie lose her tongue would probably make ME feel a bit queasy. Losing your head in such a way and wandering about as if it were nothing is so ridiculous it is funny, but losing tongues happens, and my mind would probably be racing with horrible thoughts about the misery I would be in if I had no tongue. I don't worry so much about my head falling off.
Reading your concerns about Rainbow Dash, again I think you're reading too much into it, or reading things that aren't there. Perhaps I should have made it clearer, but the idea of the end of that sequence is that Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash have now switched places - the master has now become the apprentice. This sequence also has to be so over the top because it is reflected in the utter banality of the Fluttershy part - both are pegasi so technically both should have exactly the same reaction to wing-loss.
Tonally, you're right. It does start 'straight' and then shift. This is absolutely deliberate on my behalf - it starts as a straightforward fic about Twilight losing her horn which you might have read a hundred times and, gathering speed, descends further and further into absurd farce.
If it makes you feel any better, the implication of the end is that once Celestia sobers up, it'll all be fixed (and that such things happen on a regular basis).
To wrap up, I'm sorry I upset you, but honestly, this piece is so absolutely absurd I feel it is impossible to take as 'grimdark' in any way shape or form. I don't like telling people they are reading something 'wrong', because reading is a deeply personal thing, but certainly on the page at least, there is no blood or horror or terror, just over the top cartoon ridiculousness.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Well, thanks for not ignoring me. I'm glad you at least somewhat understand how upset this makes me.
I know I said I wouldn't bother you anymore, but I really feel I should clarify something. The reason why I maintain the gory, disgusting manner of the story is your choice of the word "rot."
I don't know if you have ever seen rotting flesh, but I've had to retrieve dead animals from under my porch in the past. Rotting flesh is not pretty. It is really quite disgusting. It's slimy, mushy, shrivelly, red, black, green, stinks to high heaven, and filled with maggots. The simple use of the word rot, and the somewhat accurate description of it in Twilight's part, went a long way for coloring the rest of the descriptions. If head rot, wing rot, and leg rot were in any way similar to horn rot, which itself was basically regular rotting flesh? You can see why these images might (and still do) show up in my head. And you can probably see why I wouldn't picture the brain scooping part as so benign. What I saw was a dead, glassy-eyed, decaying Pinkie Pie head leaking pus on the ground with the headless Pinkie Pie body reaching in and scooping rotting, ichor covered brain out of it and shoving it down her throat.
You may understand why I found that imagery unpleasant. Especially since Pinkie Pie is my favorite pony.
Furthermore, the Monty Python Dark Knight comparison. Yeah, I caught that, but the shifts in tone didn't quite make it link up to me like that. It doesn't help that this is MLP we're talking about which is far different just fundamentally from anything Monty Python has ever done.
And yeah, I'm sure I am reading too much into it. I'm the kind of guy that tends to read slowly and form elaborate pictures and scenes in my head of what's going on. I draw conclusions and I make interpretations of character and emotion and tone. I've been reading books and novels my whole life. It's just the sort of thing I do. It sure doesn't help in this case but when I see Rainbow Dash sticking leaves to her sides or legless Applejack banging her head against the tree, I don't just stop and laugh. I ask myself "what made the character do this?" And that tends to lead into emotional analysis, and no matter how I did this, the answers were never pretty.
And I suppose the whole "Celestia will fix it" thing helps, but at the same time, my natural inclination to read into things makes it NOT help because I have the knowledge that the cast has obviously gone through this sort of thing before, and will go through it even more in the future. Even if we bring mindwipes into the equation, that still doesn't have many good implications.
I guess I get now how people can find this funny. I guess I thought that most people take the time to draw conclusions and stuff the same way that I did. But obviously people just don't do that the same way I do and I'm just not the sort of person that can enjoy a story like this because of my natural inclination to read into things.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
>What I saw was a dead, glassy-eyed, decaying Pinkie Pie head leaking pus on the ground with the headless Pinkie Pie body reaching in and scooping rotting, ichor covered brain out of it and shoving it down her throat.
See, again, that was never in the story. You can't criticise me for imagery that doesn't exist.
Have you ever seen anyone been hit on the head by a grand piano? It's awful. Blood and guts everywhere, broken bones, puss and brain that need to be scraped off the ground.
It's still hilarous if someone gets smacked on the head by one in a cartoon.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're right. I can't criticize you for that imagery when it was never in there in the first place. Aside from the Horn Rot "shriveled and black" part, you didn't include much of any in the way of creepy imagery through the actual written word.
The point, really the only point I'm trying to make is that different people are going to take different things in different ways. Most people obviously aren't put off by this story so they interpreted it differently than other people like myself. I read it and made certain logical conclusions and interpretations that other people did not.
What I'm saying is that sometimes something that seems completely harmless can sometimes hurt someone unexpectedly, and when dealing with sensitive subject matter, like heads falling off and suggested rotting flesh, it's wise to exercise some caution.
I would never have blown up at this if I had just seen a Grimdark, or even a Grim-light tag on this because it would have prepared me for a completely different kind of humor and a completely different way of interpretation. As it was I was caught off guard and ended up coming to highly different conclusions that made me freak out some.
That's really the only point I'm actually trying to make.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Then perhaps a gore tag is in order...
Then again, maybe not. But at least you two didn't fantastically
troll each other to death.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
yer a regular flankhurt mcdickinbutt ain'tcha?
this story is random as all buggery and hilarious to boot. go 'way.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
This person is (from his way to talk, probably the same person), quite suspiciously, seeking troubles and trying to place EVERYTHING in the story *extremely out-of-ptoportion*, BOTH here and on Equestria Daily.
It's quite strange...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
my little stalker, comments are creepy.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Not actively trying to be.
Didn't come across that way to me. I have a right to let my opinions be known.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Wouldn't your name be, by any ''chance'', *Pants-on-Head Man* on Equestria Daily ?
You're that person that is *Actively* seeking troubles and placing EVERYTHING *extremely out-of-ptoportion* aren't you ?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes. Yes that would be me.
I'm not trying to be troublesome. I want to get my point across. If nothing else I want to be understood and at least have my point of view accepted for what it is.
My problem at the moment is that I keep getting yelled at for having this point of view. My original comment was out of line, I'll admit. Too angry and not very well thought out. I probably deserve a little of this backlash. Maybe all of it.
At this point all I want is for people to understand what I see and understand why I saw it that way. Perhaps an apology for all the crap a lot of people are putting me through, but I can live without it. Blueshift has already apologized for upsetting me and I've apologized to him. He's explained to me his point of view on the story, I've explained mine to his. I think we have an understanding. I like to think we're cool now. But everybody else still seems to refuse to understand WHY this story thew me off so badly and why I had that initial outburst... which I can only apologize for so many times.
Frankly at this point I don't know what you want me to say.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I believe that you are ''getting yelled at'', as you said, because you are display your OPINION with *flashing and flying* colors that would, metaphorically speaking, make an epileptic person go down.
At the saying goes : ''Too much of something, becomes a bad thing''.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Well, what do you think I should say instead?
Should I have said something short like "This story was horribly disgusting and depraved and I don't understand how anyone can possibly enjoy it?"
I could say that yeah, but when I say something so negative then I tend to feel I should back it up with WHY I say such things. Otherwise I just come across as one of the trolls from 4chan. Somehow I still ended up with that label no matter how many times I explain my stance or apologize and it's really bugging me.
Should I have just said nothing at all? Well maybe. As I said I usually try to ascribe to the "If you don't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" rule. But the thing is that in this case I really felt my point of view had to be heard because it was so incredibly far from everybody else's views. If I hadn't spoken up, nobody would have gotten the second opinion and realized that some things, as harmless as they may seem, can really really hurt someone and that sometimes when dealing with sensitive subject matter, like heads falling off and rotting flesh,you need to be careful.
Because this did hurt me. I know my reactions have a tendency to be a bit over the top, but I can't help it. I can't help how I end up feeling or seeing or interpreting things. Nobody really can. And ever since I read this story it's been hard to look at anything Pinkie Pie related, just as it was when I read the "story-that-shall-not-be-named" several months back, which took me a good few weeks for me to fully get over.
And yet, nobody bothers to recognize my stance. Nobody bothers to recognize that someone might have a different point of view here and have a fairly good reason for it. Nobody understands that people react to certain stimuli differently and that maybe this might come across differently to someone else and be seriously off-putting. People like herpdragon, Yarmaster, FamusJamus over on Equestria Daily, and apparently you can't seem to recognize or understand this point I'm trying to make.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
[link] , but I will alter it a bit :
“I ain't sayin' your opinion isn't valid, I'm just sayin’ you take rocks for MOUNTAINS.”
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I will not argue against the imagery presented in the Pinkie Pie parts, but the basis of her malady. The fact that her head falls off it okay, but what you do with her afterward could use some reinterpretation, which would help the continuity of expression in the story.
Rather than having her head fall off, leaving her as a headless body, why not have her as a disembodied, floating head? It would be so much more becoming of her character. She could eat the same candy over and over again.
Or, you could have her neck fall off (as in her head is merely separated from her body), because her head is so up in the clouds as it is, and have the classic disembodied head trying to direct around a mindless body.
Either of those would work well, and would provide the opportunity for humour that actually fits with the rest of the story.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think the naysayers just don't get British humor. I thought it was hilarious. Next I demand a drawing of Irving Braxiatail.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is hilarious xD
I love Fluttershy & Applejack's reactions
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The golden rule of comedy is that "Comedy is Truth and Pain"
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Refuge in audacity and hilarity. Refuge in audarity. It's so patently ridiculous, off the wall, and just plain absurd that I can't help but laugh, because at the end of the day, no matter how bizarre or disturbing it may seem, this is literally cartoon violence, where things are presented as hilariously morbid inconveniences more than sadistic fantasy. That's by no means derision of the work, though, I honestly enjoyed in precisely because of its absurd premise and incisively literal follow through... and the mane cast's reactions are still worth a chuckle, even when it's so wrong. The fandom in-jokes are also good for a smile, at least for me. I have to say this is the only story I've read this year which where I can use the phrase 'fluffy dismemberment comedy' in its description without sounding entirely like a complete lunatic.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
It's been suggested both here and on Equestria Daily that I'm being a little too square, faint hearted, serious, emphatic, and other such adjectives about this fic. I will concede the point that I probably should have waited a little while to comment about this fic until I had calmed down a bit and gotten over my initial "seeing-red, frothing-at-the-mouth, rage" thing.
However, despite the points that people are making to defend the fic, I still have a few points and opinions now that I really want made clear as to why I find this so offensive and why I compared it to the likes of Cupcakes. Hopefully now that I've calmed down I can voice my opinions properly.
Now I'm not COMPLETELY dense. I figured out relatively quickly that it wasn't meant to be taken as seriously as I ended up taking it. But there is a problem in the execution of the writing in this regard. You see, when I go into a comedy, it's left relatively open just how I'm supposed to be viewing the story. Some comedies can be played completely straight and still be uproariously funny. One in particular I can think of is "Sweet Apple Capers." If you haven't read it look it up. It's hilarious. And it's played completely straight and still uproariously funny.
And oddly enough, the random tag doesn't help much. Some Random stories are played completely straight and yet still come across as rather random and funny. For examples of what I'm talking about, look up "The Truth about Pinkie Pie," and the series "What do you do with a Drunken Unicorn." These fics managed to fall under the random tag, but are really quite straight for what they are. And at the same time, they are still very enjoyable and incredibly humorous. Again, if you haven't read them, look them up.
Now that we've established this, you can understand that simply going into the story with a Random-Comedy tag does NOT immediately suggest that I will go into it with certainty that I should not take it seriously.
Now. Herein lies the issue. The story could be pretty okay and I wouldn't hold near as much ire for it if it weren't so horribly inconsistent. When the fic starts off, I don't get a sense of anything really silly or random. It starts out pretty normally and straight with Twilight messing around with magic and Spike being... Spike.
Now the VERY NEXT THING I SEE is described word for word: Lying on her pillow was her horn, shrivelled and black.
I want to direct your attention to the way this is set up in paragraph formation, sentence structure, and the descriptive words "shrivelled and black." What you did here was indicative of something being played completely dramatic and straight. The description, paragraph placement, and sentence structure all indicated that.
This indicated to me "The author is playing it straight."
If you had said something like "her horn was plopped down neatly on the pillow... not attached to her head," or "her horn slid down her face like a melting scoop of ice cream before finally falling of her nose and landing on the floor with a 'plop'" then it would have indicated a completely different air and atmosphere. It's hard to believe, yes, but just a couple lines can make a HUGE difference in a story, especially when one "isn't being serious." By using words like shrivelled and black and then going on to write about how her "face was etched in misery" you unintentionally set forth a serious tone to the story. And from here on out, the story falls apart.
The very next thing we see is Twi with her horn duct taped to her forehead, Spike and the others sort of laughing in her face, and "safe hex." This dis nothing but make me angry and here's why: With such a serious and straight set up, to see you suddenly have such a jarring shift in tone to lightheartedness it came across as mean spirited. As if you were reveling in Twilight's pain and sadness. As if you wanted to see it happen so you could kick your legs in shadenfreude-tastic glee. To put it plainly, you came across as an asshole.
And it wasn't helped by the fact that the very next thing we see is the letter where it basically says "so sorry your life has hit the crapper, but OH WELLZ!!" There are so many jarring shifts in tone between wacky fun and serious storytelling that the not-serious humor you were trying for gets shoved back by the more prominent angering shifts and the more depressing, serious parts.
And later parts resonate in much the same way. Rarity's part can't seem to decide whether it wants to be silly fun or a creepy descent into madness and child abuse. And no amount of duct tape can cover up the shifts in tone. Rainbow Dash's is even worse. What starts out ALMOST funny and almost pulls the fic out from the shifts in fun-serious tone that plague so VERY quickly shifts back into a depressing as hell situation. Her encounter with Spitfire, the shattering of her dream, the (quite honestly really sad) scene on the mountaintop, and the loss of her #1 fan all in one go... that very neatly swung the story back into "depressing as hell land."
And from there, well, there was no saving it. It had basically been established in my opinion by this point as a mean-spirited shadenfreude fic where all you wanted to do was put the ponies through their own personal hells for your own enjoyment. The logical part of my brain knows that this is an illogical assumption. You were going for silly and random and simply messed up. However, the emotional part of my brain still took hold.
And with my emotion running the show, well, Fluttershy and Applejack's parts just felt all the more mean and sadistic. And Apple Bloom made it even more excessive and angering.
And then we come to Pinkie Pie, which is the part that really threw me over into all-out-hopping-mad territory. And I have to admit... it still really gets me pissed off. This thing that you did with Pinkie Pie... it's sick. It's twisted. It's depraved. It's horrifying. Perhaps I'm too much of a featherweight or too softhearted, but these sorts of things DON'T get a laugh out of me. And after all that had happened it made me SERIOUSLY pissed off. This is some seriously disgusting imagery that is happening here to Pinkie... with shoving food down a decapitated neck stump, somehow talking out of a disconnected windpipe, and to top it all off, scooping the brains out of her own decapitated, shriveled, rotting, blackened, decaying, corpse of a head and stuffing it down her throat stump. This imagery is of the creep factor of Silent Hill.
...I'm sorry. Typing that out still made me get nauseous. This has been compared to things like Tom and Jerry, but this stuff is so graphic... so utterly disgusting and vile... After everything that had already gone on in the story this just made me explode. It had been mean spirited up until this point but now, to me, it had reached downright evil and psychotic, thus why I compared it to Cupcakes and Sweet Apple Massacre. And simply realizing this fact made me get even more pissed off when I felt like I had been entraped in a fic that hadn't been honest about its nature by lacking a Grimdark tag.
...I still think it needs a Grimdark tag btw... if for nobody else then for Pinkie. Seriously. Fucked up shit.
But anyway... it all ends with a shadenfreude game of "evil goddesses screwing with their subjects for lulz" thing with Luna and Celestia. You could say this little bit was the OOC cherry on top.
Look. I get what you were trying to do. This has been suggested as a parody of "Twilight messes up a spell" and "Rainbow Dash breaks her wings" that you see so often in ponyfics. Yeah. I can see that attempt. And I can see fics like that working. But this concept was upset greatly by the addition of all the other ponies into the fray, and
the incredible and constant shifts in tone that plague the story. It was just too poorly executed to reach what you attempted and that had it come across as, well, evil, to put it completely honestly.
I apologize for my earlier outburst here and on Equestria Daily, but hopefully you understand my reasoning now. Even among all this, I still think you went way too far with Pinkie, I still think you should add a Grimdark tag, and I'm still confused why I seem to be one of the only ones who feels this way, but perhaps now, with this proper review and explanation we can all move on.
tl;dr:
Sorry about the outburst before. Story was really confusing and inconsistent which got me perplexed and riled up. Needs more consistent writing to come across as intended parody/dark comedy. Still think it needs Grimdark tag. Still think you went WAY too far with Pinkie Pie. See what you intended though. Sorry again. I'm an emotional doofus. Friends?
👍: 0 ⏩: 3
I think the problem is that you're taking it too literally... Consistency is sometimes overrated.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I can kinda see where you're coming from. I was more accepting of this story because I had already tuned my mind to imagine all the violence as being Tom and Jerry-like. The Fluttershy part was also nothing short of hilarious for me, with Fluttershy's non-reaction to her wings falling off (she's really an Earth Pony in a Pegasus body anyway). I also took the ending to mean that, once the princesses sobered up, everything was going to snap back to normal. But I can concede that the tone with which the story was written was extremely inconsistent, and crossed the line into just plain mean-spirited territory with alarming frequency.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Well, thanks. You have no idea how glad I am to hear that someone at least partially understands my stance.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dear NawT1: Blueshift is a British person the whole story is comedy. He's just going to stare at you stone faced while wearing clown shoes.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
I will now draw blueshift in clown shoes. Looking unamused.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I may not understand a lot of British humor, but look. I want you to read Pinkie's part again. And again. And again, until the imagery really makes sense, in or out of context. Is what happened there really funny in any sense of the word? Ridiculous yes. Absurd yes. But absurdity on its own does not always equal comedy. And when that sort of imagery comes around, the depravity and disgusting part, at least for me, tends to override the absurdity. And I CAN'T believe I'm the only one who feels like this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
For some reson, y laugh out loud (LoL) when Fluttershy's give her wings to Angel.
O well, i bet they are confortable!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
| Next =>