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Blueskye27 β Joe
Published: 2009-01-17 00:24:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 635; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 5
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Description
I thought I sawyou on the street today,
a six-foot shadow
from the past.
You were standing
outside Starbucks,
looking in (though I
wondered why since
you donβt like
java).
I hurried toward
you only to find
a stranger
in a black blazer
standing where
you should have been;
he eyed me with
alarm then with pity
as I backed away
from him,
so I went inside,
ordered a
Caramel Frappuccino,
and cried in
my coffee.
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Comments: 62
You saw her?! Did she move back from Arkansas? I hope you're okay.
I'm sorry I forgot to ask permission. I'm glad you forgive me.
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No it was much like your encounter with Joe.
Always giving forgiveness...because I always need it in return .
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A simple story, simply told. Little action, much significance.
What you do well you do very well.
(Did you really tell someone you weren't a good poet? But modesty becomes you)
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Sometimes, I hardly feel like a poet, but I suppose I do have my moments...
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You've been featured in my journal: [link]
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It's ok. I made it out alive. And to such better things.
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so I went inside,
ordered a
Caramel Frappuccino,
and cried in
my coffee.
There is something so devastating about such a small mistake; such a large act of remembrance.
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To see him there but not...yes.
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I know. I'm sorry, sweet.
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I think I've been to that exact same Starbucks. I love how you always make things so easy to relate to. And I also like your last stanza - down to earth and real.
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Thanks, Julie. I really appreciate that. I'd rather be simple and accessible than academic and untranslatable...
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You're welcome. Understandable is way better than untranslatable. I hate it when I read something and go "huh?" 
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Get out of my head! I too love the caramel frappuccinos (however they're spelled)! Great work.
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beautiful simply beautiful. I know the feeling sometimes i think i see my dead dog and when i run to it it's the same breed who looks very similar to him! *sob* anyway UBER WORK!
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Yes, it's a hard feeling, isn't it?
Thanks.
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so I went inside,
ordered a
Caramel Frappuccino,
and cried in
my coffee.
That was my favorite.
Also, I've seen a lot of people start using Starbucks in their poems.
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I actually prefer coffee from Hastings, but I didn't know that people would know what that is. Starbucks has name recognition.
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the updated poem is awesome! Good job on new stanza
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Thanks, girl. I appreciate it.
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Nice capture of a powerful emotion. Anyone who says they haven't experienced this either hasn't lived much or is lying through their teeth.
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I love the style and the idea. The added stanza is priceless!
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Frappuccino.
A painful feeling, well evoked - like a sullen lump stuck in the very back of your throat.
I think this is brilliant for a first draft - and personally, this a length I think I'm more comfortable with.
More detail might be nice, but I feel that giving it a specific setting would be overkill; part of the beauty of the poem is that it can happen practically anywhere, and is an emotion many can relate to. Unless L.A. would add a special meaning to where the poem is going, it would be restricting.
Wonderful work as always!
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Is it frappucino? I have looked all over for the precise spelling of this word and found it both ways, with an "a" and a "u." But if you're sure, I'll change it. Thanks.
Thanks so much for the thoughtful commentary. It really helps. I'm so glad you like it!
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Type 'frappuccino' - two '
I'm not much use when it comes to analyzing poetry, but this is wonderful stuff - with such a good base, it can only get better, right?
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I trust you. I already changed it! Thanks again.
My problem is that most of poems are first drafts; I'm very bad about never getting back around to fixing them... In that sense, I'm a very bad poet.
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That's debatable. In a way, I suppose that they're a bit more "hot off the grill" if you see what I mean? A bit more raw... In any case, I'm sure that if these are mere drafts, I honestly cannot imagine how effective they would be if they were polished and enhance! No, I almost think it's safer for us, your readers, if you don't make them too incredible.
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This so made me smile. Thank you, Katherine.
I have tried to edit more, sometimes successfully, but I've found that one can revise the feeling right out of a poem, if that makes sense, so I tend to err on the side of emotion over form. Perhaps someday I'll figure out a better balance.
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Yay!
As they say, practice makes perfect - and this especially when it comes to writing. Besides, there's no poem without the emotion behind it. I have complete faith you'll make it there one day.
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Thanks for the confidence. Maybe it'll rub off on me.
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I like this piece, and can relate on a few levels. 
My only problem with this is that it seems to end too quickly...like there's more that could be said about it. Maybe it's just me, but maybe not since you sort of said the same yourself. Personally, I'm not sure that such specific locational details (being in LA, for example) matter so much, though. Just my opinion!
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Aren't they delicious? Mmmm. Thanks, Suzanne. You're probably right that it needs a bit more at the end. I'll give it another look. Thanks.
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You're welcome.
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I like knowing what people think as long as it's honest opinion and not "let me put down your work to feel better about mine" - know what I mean? So thanks for the input.
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You're very welcome! I'm glad you understood!
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Great job as always dear Cindy.
I love Caramel Frappaccino, its my favorite!
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I love them, too! You have great taste, Erene.
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