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BlushingBoo — Whatever, man. I'm done.
Published: 2015-05-17 04:37:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 114; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Hello everyone, I think I may be feeling a bit depressed.My urge to create has come back to me, but my motivation to do anything has gone down the toilet.
Nothing is fun anymore. Roleplaying and drawing hasn't felt fun to me in almost a month.
I think I may need a complete break from it so I can learn how to deal with the shit going on in my life.
Let me break it down for you:
1.) I'm moving away from a town where I actually made some friends, one of which is dying, one reason being because my parents couldn't make any friends living here.
2.) I gave my work my two-week notice two weeks ago and apparently the schedule guy didn't get the memo so now I have to finish up the week he scheduled me for so when my pregnant step-mom has her baby within the next week or so I won't be able to watch her other two bratty kids while my dad is with her in the hospital.
3.) My step-mom being preggers is a stressful situation in itself, now she has an excuse to give me her passive-aggressive bullshit.
4.) The passive-aggressive bullshit is another thing that's very stressful, and because of it I don't like hanging out in the living room where I constantly feel like I'm being judged for not liking to play with little kids and their dumb toys that don't interest me in the slightest.
5.) But I feel guilty that I don't hang out with my family...very very guilty, because my step-mom also bitches at me to do more hanging out.
6.) Also told my dad that I get obsessive thoughts about stupid shit and they bother me a lot sometimes and prevent me from paying attention, and I've been told that my problems don't matter because THEY are also stressed.
7.) I feel my morale going down because of all this and thus I haven't had much fun on the internet lately even though this stuff used to interest me like two months ago, and I know I'm not just growing out of the internet because I still like the stuff here I'm just...not in the mood
8.) This also makes me feel guilty because I'm getting bitched at to create things and roleplay when I am very much not in the mood.
9.) I have been answering the bitching call to roleplay and that's pretty much all I've done despite feeling like I'm struggling to come up with responses, and I haven't even had time to do simple shit like clean my room or do my laundry.
10.) Basically I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions and the guilt is eating me alive okay.
So.
Please, someone answer this.
Am I an asshole for not being able to do these at the same time, or are people just treating me like shit?
Please I need to know this. And I can't go to my therapist because I'm moving away from her soon.
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Comments: 6
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you're going through this, that sounds terrible! ;-; *hugs and pats*
Okay first off, you are NOT an asshole. NEVEREVEREVEREVER. But especially not for this! You can't be in two places at once, friend. :c I know sometimes we all wish that we could be, but the fact is, we can't. And NOBODY has the right to be giving you hell for that. Each of us has a complex life, and you are having an especially trying time in your life right now. Unfortunately, the people around us are often too shortsighted to see the complexities in the lives of others, and can only see things from their own perspective; and what they see is you not giving your total, undivided attention to them. Now, obviously expecting someone to give all their attention to you is incredibly unrealistic, but, humans, being the selfish, self-centered, egotistical beings that we are, tend to forget these little nuances of common sense from time to time. I guess what I'm trying to say is, humans suck, even though they don't really mean to, but it's no excuse for them to make you feel strained like this, and you definitely shouldn't blame yourself for their personal failings. D:
And about the whole moving away from all your friends thing....I know that's really, really, really, REALLY hard, trust me. ;-; I've done it twice already, and then again when I went off to college...The best advice I can give you there is, stay in contact with your old friends, no matter what. It can be difficult to stay in touch with people when they're so far away, especially when you have a life of your own to deal with, but...it really does pay off in the end. And, I know the transition into your new environment will be very difficult. In fact, in some ways, it'll probably downright SUCK. But, here's the thing...It may not seem like it now, or even when you first get there, but...You will make new friends, possibly ones that you'll have for the rest of your life. I tend to think everything happens for a reason. It's fine if you don't think that!! I don't wanna seem like I'm pushing my ideas on you or anything! D8 But, it's something to think about....I know that when I moved while I was in the middle of 8th grade, it pretty much triggered all the depression and anxiety issues I have now...I mean, yeah, I would've developed them anyway, and I was sort of already undergoing the process.....(wow, I kind of just made it all sound like shit. Great) BUT, because of the suffering I went through, I also gained a deeper understanding of myself, and, in turn, I became more aware of the feelings and afflictions of others, as well. And, I also made a LOT of lifelong friends that I wouldn't have made otherwise. I guess the POINT I'm trying to make is, even with the sadness that moving brought me, I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for the fact that I'd moved. It helped me to grow as a person.
Um, yeah...I hope that helped some....I probably just made everything worse, I'm sorry! ;-; I really hope you get something of value out of that, despite my inability to word things properly...;.; I wish you all the best in this new stage of your life, my friend, and I want you to know that you can always talk to me if and when you're struggling with this. *hugs* <3
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Oh wow thank you. ;u;
Yeah...it really is a hard thing to move away from people you know;;
My mom and dad were in the military for much of my childhood. I never even bothered making friends until I moved to Florida in the 3rd grade because I kept moving around so much. Actually...actually I still didn't bother making friends in Elementary school. Or Middle School.
Especially not Middle school sweet tapdancing jesus.
The kids I interacted with in Middle school can all go suck tons of unsavory things.
But then I moved away from Florida to go to Minnesota...
But yeah...! This time I'll actually keep in touch with my friends. I already have two of them on Facebook.
And. I look forward to making new ones.
I'll use this experience to grow.
Instead of huddle in a corner with stress headaches like how I dealt with stuff in Middle school.
Just-Yeah thank you so much.
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ok.
so yeah i understand what you're going through tbh I went through the same thing but that was because stupid medication i was taking made me that way then my parents were forcing me to do things and a bitchy art teacher almost made me give up on art;;
but you're not an asshole man.
actually i'm the one who caused this I can almost 100% assure you it's my fault so If you want i'll just go. Because that's probably what you want. :U or more what you need;;
Probably what I need too;; I'm sorry.
I never thought i'd come to this; i really don't want to;;
but yeah i'm just gonna kinda fall away and;;
well
bye I guess;;
I'll still stalk you from the distance though;; maybe one day we can be friends again. maybe.
i'm so sorry.
You already know i'm a sociopathic asshole p much
so yeah. :U
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I am not even sorry for freaking out here tbh.
But thank you. For understanding.
And perhaps we can still be friends. Just no more getting me into ten different roleplays. I'm gonna need to you really understand that I need tons of space from people who eat up my energy.
Tons of it.
If you feel you can't do this, then yes. We can't be friends.
And tbh, I do know you are a sociopathic asshole, but I also know you can't help it.
And for your own sake, I suggest you grow up and go see a therapist that doesn't cost 300$ a session, despite trust issues and all that. Just. Yeah it would still be best to make sure you can trust them. My therapist gave me one free session, letting me see if I can trust her or not. If a therapist can offer you that, take advantage of it.
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hi sarah!! i guess my response to your question is totally out of the blue since i've been so inconsistent with being active but um. i hope at the very least i can say something thats helpful in some way.
i don't think you're an asshole for not being able to do everything at once. there are times in life a lot of people will expect you to always be able to sacrifice your time, your energy, your mental health--- ignoring any consequences and the potential impact such actions may have on /you/. i know, some people are worth those consequences, some people are worth throwing yourself to the ground. but, if i understand correctly, right now isn't exactly with those kind of people?
if its not, and if this time is with others you don't care for more than the world itself, i'd strongly advise you to take a step back. look at them. look at yourself. your health is important. your feelings are important. your thoughts, your problems, the things that seem small to others but deeply effect you-- all of these, sarah, are so incredibly important. regardless of /whether or not others are stressed/ it does not take away from the fact things that stress you are stressful, from the fact that you too have valid problems that deserve to be taken care of. you are not an asshole for being affected by these things. you are not an asshole for not having 30 million clones that are always smiling and cute and attentive to everyone. you are not an asshole, period, for having legitimate problems.
if you ever want to talk, i'm around. -Pengy
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...Thank you very much, Pengy.
I really appreciate your peptalk even if it was out of the blue.
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