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Description
Something more experimental been in the mood to test my boundaries a little and make more rough art that still looks detailed from a distance. I have a tendency to overwork my rough art to the point where it's not what I first intended it to be, and it looks like crap.
Plus I've been palying around with color palettes! Her skin is actually a very light grey-ish purple and not a "natural" skintone. Normally I use overlays and sliders to blend my colors, but this time I tested out putting down a specific color palette directly to my flatcolors without any editing or colorcorrecting. Very fun I must say.

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Rant ahead feel free to ignore: Insta is the absolute worst when it comes to social media addiction. Over here on Deviantart I don't care about how many watchers I have; I've just kind of accepted that it's difficult to grow consistently here especially with the site being quite dead after Eclipse, and so I've been just uploading finished art, my comic/AU Beyond our Borders, and my original universe and essentially nothing else. It's peaceful, it's not stressful at all, and just feels chill here. Instagram however is a hellscape filled with nothing but stress and torment as soon as your followers go to the negatives, especially to a person like me who's overly dependant on approval. I'm doing my best to get over it, but it still affects me because I'm very sensitive and I overthink a lot, but the issue is that I feel like I have no right to complain because of the size of my account. I've been told that by friends and followers, and to be honest it makes me feel "less important", somehow. Like I'm excluded from that part of being a person. A part of me wishes I didn't build my account off of a fandom that is now on the brink of death, because if I don't continue providing these followers with art related to that fandom they'll all leave or become ghost accounts. As much as I love the show that made that fandom, I want to move on; but I can't. Or, well, I can, but when I try to I lose all motivation for art because I keep looking at my dropping followers and think I'm not good enough and I can't talk about it because I'm seen as ungrateful, whiny and arrogant. I know I am a good artist, numbers don't define me! I see that being told over and over and over again and I completely agree. But that doesn't negate my feelings towards the situation I'm in as a whole, if anything it makes me feel like my struggles are invalid. I feel alone.
Not only that but the constantly shifting algorithm on Instagram is like a repeated kick in the nuts. Not just for me, but for all artists in general. The platform clearly isn't made for us, I don't want to constantly keep my eye on the updating algorithm in order to feel something, I just want to share my art and have fun doing it. I just can't do that without being punished by a platform that actively encourages you to give up.

Don't get me wrong; I do like Instagram. Easily accessible, creative, quite diverse, and interactive. But because of the situation (that admittely, I put myself in as soon as I started posting Voltron fanart) and the recent change in algorithm that nerfs the fuck out of art accounts, it's just not fun at the moment. If there's one thing I want as an option, it's to be able to hide my follow count from myself. The likes I can do well with or without, I don't care. It's the follower count that hits hardest, because I know that each of those numbers is a person. And if they unfollow, it means they've lost interest in me and my art. And when they drop like flies, it means I'm no longer good enough.
Obviously, that's an exaggeration, incase that flew over your heads. I understand this goes up and down a lot, and I'm sure there will be another period of growth for me in the future. This is normal, this is what the internet is. It's just such a vicious cycle, you know? And it'll take time for me to truly separate myself from my accounts that I have pumped so much time and effort into.

I do believe a lot of my emotions are amped up and overexaggerated by the fact that I'm starting a new school tomorrow. I've been feeling very stressed and moody this last week because it's quite a big step. I don't want a repeat of three years ago where the first introductory day of my then-new school I was close to throwing up and felt sick all day because my anxiety was through the roof. Though back then I had my friends that supported me, but now we're moving school again and we're all splitting up meaning I have to socialize and mingle and make a good first impression on people which I just cannot do without panicing. Plus, I'm an adult now, I need to learn how to drive a car, how to apply for jobs, how to cook properly and balance money and taking care of my body and look into potential apartments and it's just so much all at once. I do believe that's part of why I'm extra expressive about my distain over Instagram at the moment. Also my period probably, haha.

Either way, that's my rant. TL;DR, Instagram is really getting to me, I'm starting a new school so I'm very stressed and feeling a bit depressed, but all in all I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Does feel a little better after having ranted for a bit. I have a lot of projects going on right now that I want to finish all at once which is also a little stressful, however I know that I have control over all of it, and nothing will stop me from doing things in my pace.

Description
Something more experimental been in the mood to test my boundaries a little and make more rough art that still looks detailed from a distance. I have a tendency to overwork my rough art to the point where it's not what I first intended it to be, and it looks like crap.
Plus I've been palying around with color palettes! Her skin is actually a very light grey-ish purple and not a "natural" skintone. Normally I use overlays and sliders to blend my colors, but this time I tested out putting down a specific color palette directly to my flatcolors without any editing or colorcorrecting. Very fun I must say.

_______________

Rant ahead feel free to ignore: Insta is the absolute worst when it comes to social media addiction. Over here on Deviantart I don't care about how many watchers I have; I've just kind of accepted that it's difficult to grow consistently here especially with the site being quite dead after Eclipse, and so I've been just uploading finished art, my comic/AU Beyond our Borders, and my original universe and essentially nothing else. It's peaceful, it's not stressful at all, and just feels chill here. Instagram however is a hellscape filled with nothing but stress and torment as soon as your followers go to the negatives, especially to a person like me who's overly dependant on approval. I'm doing my best to get over it, but it still affects me because I'm very sensitive and I overthink a lot, but the issue is that I feel like I have no right to complain because of the size of my account. I've been told that by friends and followers, and to be honest it makes me feel "less important", somehow. Like I'm excluded from that part of being a person. A part of me wishes I didn't build my account off of a fandom that is now on the brink of death, because if I don't continue providing these followers with art related to that fandom they'll all leave or become ghost accounts. As much as I love the show that made that fandom, I want to move on; but I can't. Or, well, I can, but when I try to I lose all motivation for art because I keep looking at my dropping followers and think I'm not good enough and I can't talk about it because I'm seen as ungrateful, whiny and arrogant. I know I am a good artist, numbers don't define me! I see that being told over and over and over again and I completely agree. But that doesn't negate my feelings towards the situation I'm in as a whole, if anything it makes me feel like my struggles are invalid. I feel alone.
Not only that but the constantly shifting algorithm on Instagram is like a repeated kick in the nuts. Not just for me, but for all artists in general. The platform clearly isn't made for us, I don't want to constantly keep my eye on the updating algorithm in order to feel something, I just want to share my art and have fun doing it. I just can't do that without being punished by a platform that actively encourages you to give up.

Don't get me wrong; I do like Instagram. Easily accessible, creative, quite diverse, and interactive. But because of the situation (that admittely, I put myself in as soon as I started posting Voltron fanart) and the recent change in algorithm that nerfs the fuck out of art accounts, it's just not fun at the moment. If there's one thing I want as an option, it's to be able to hide my follow count from myself. The likes I can do well with or without, I don't care. It's the follower count that hits hardest, because I know that each of those numbers is a person. And if they unfollow, it means they've lost interest in me and my art. And when they drop like flies, it means I'm no longer good enough.
Obviously, that's an exaggeration, incase that flew over your heads. I understand this goes up and down a lot, and I'm sure there will be another period of growth for me in the future. This is normal, this is what the internet is. It's just such a vicious cycle, you know? And it'll take time for me to truly separate myself from my accounts that I have pumped so much time and effort into.

I do believe a lot of my emotions are amped up and overexaggerated by the fact that I'm starting a new school tomorrow. I've been feeling very stressed and moody this last week because it's quite a big step. I don't want a repeat of three years ago where the first introductory day of my then-new school I was close to throwing up and felt sick all day because my anxiety was through the roof. Though back then I had my friends that supported me, but now we're moving school again and we're all splitting up meaning I have to socialize and mingle and make a good first impression on people which I just cannot do without panicing. Plus, I'm an adult now, I need to learn how to drive a car, how to apply for jobs, how to cook properly and balance money and taking care of my body and look into potential apartments and it's just so much all at once. I do believe that's part of why I'm extra expressive about my distain over Instagram at the moment. Also my period probably, haha.

Either way, that's my rant. TL;DR, Instagram is really getting to me, I'm starting a new school so I'm very stressed and feeling a bit depressed, but all in all I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Does feel a little better after having ranted for a bit. I have a lot of projects going on right now that I want to finish all at once which is also a little stressful, however I know that I have control over all of it, and nothing will stop me from doing things in my pace.