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bouncing-splitpin — Alone, still undecided
Published: 2005-04-24 20:58:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 138; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description I thought i left it far behind
Away from all my dreams
Now i know how wrong I was
Much harder than it seems

The land of deepest darkest black
My mind still walks its way
False hopes, false dreams the things i fear
Tormentors come to play

My thoughts, my hopes they get mixed up
My memories collided
I wonder why I feel like this
Alone, still undecided
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bouncing-splitpin - Monsters of the Earth
Comments: 20

horridlabyrinth [2006-10-08 19:03:58 +0000 UTC]

im speehless... great job! the rhyme isnt obvious.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to horridlabyrinth [2006-10-08 20:11:37 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

horridlabyrinth In reply to bouncing-splitpin [2006-10-08 21:32:19 +0000 UTC]

no problem

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

lordbeazy [2005-08-10 10:31:15 +0000 UTC]

Flagged as Spam

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to lordbeazy [2005-08-10 19:57:13 +0000 UTC]

thank you, yeah this kinda started it all of and its still really close to me. I'll try i have some happy kinda ones.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

lordbeazy In reply to bouncing-splitpin [2005-08-11 09:21:54 +0000 UTC]

Flagged as Spam

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to lordbeazy [2005-08-11 21:20:42 +0000 UTC]

eeek please dont!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

lucky-tweak [2005-06-20 04:21:27 +0000 UTC]

yay great poem

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bouncing-splitpin In reply to lucky-tweak [2005-06-20 13:09:45 +0000 UTC]

*blushes* thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AnonymousName [2005-05-05 18:57:19 +0000 UTC]

It's sooooo good. You're a very good writer, I'm going to stalk you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to AnonymousName [2005-05-05 21:19:39 +0000 UTC]

thank youuuuu! ooooooo wow ok then, if ur gonna stalk me can u get rid of other stalkers??

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childoftheuniverse [2005-04-29 19:17:14 +0000 UTC]

usually i'm not that huge of a fan of poems with standard rhyming in it. i found it worked very nicely in this piece though because it wasn't an obvious rhyme. i mean it was but it's not like you had to use cliches or change the grammar of the line so it fits the rhyme style. the whole poem just remains very smooth which i like a lot! though maybe you don't need all capitals down the beginning. that's old school - and not like that kick ass Will Ferrel movie.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

bouncing-splitpin In reply to childoftheuniverse [2005-05-01 21:07:11 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much! I'll try and think about the capitals thing i was just kinda unsure coz i never posted before!

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bouncing-splitpin In reply to childoftheuniverse [2005-05-01 21:06:30 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much! I'll try and think about the capitals thing i was just kinda unsure coz i never posted before!

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hitchcockm00 [2005-04-26 17:07:42 +0000 UTC]

wowee! very gooood!
I'm glad u finally submitted something. who persuaded u?

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bouncing-splitpin In reply to hitchcockm00 [2005-04-26 19:00:23 +0000 UTC]

hee hee thank you, i like this one 2! u and Matt!

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hitchcockm00 In reply to bouncing-splitpin [2005-04-26 19:55:49 +0000 UTC]

You're welcoooome.
kewl

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matt1783 [2005-04-24 21:37:43 +0000 UTC]

yay! *claps* well done you got over the fear of submitting your work i think this poem is good, it flows nicely and it has a ncie little rhym at the end

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bouncing-splitpin In reply to matt1783 [2005-04-25 19:17:31 +0000 UTC]

i did!! Thank youu very very much!

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Manticorp [2005-04-24 21:08:51 +0000 UTC]

*claps* Vewy Goooood ^^ I like it, you managed to make it rhyme and flow without comprimise, hehe, glad I visited ^^ more more! lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to Manticorp [2005-04-24 21:15:52 +0000 UTC]

thank you sooooo much!!! It took me so long to put anything up im very glad u like it! I'll try and be brave and put some other stuff up i promise.

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Manticorp In reply to bouncing-splitpin [2005-04-25 06:32:49 +0000 UTC]

yaaay in that case... heehee

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