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Published: 2005-11-27 21:13:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 92; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
Once gone the hopes of glory days,of men so bold and yet so brave.
Of heroes in so many ways,
once gone your memory cannot save.
You're searching pathways in your mind,
looking at space inside your head.
Looking, though what's left to find?
You're searching thoughts becoming dead.
It hurts my heart to see those tears,
Sliding down my Nanas face.
Sliding as she fights your fears,
it hurts to know you lost your faith.
Just another given up they'll say,
one more rotten to the core.
One family torn apart this way,
just another claimed by war.
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Comments: 4
bouncing-splitpin In reply to lordbeazy [2005-11-28 21:28:55 +0000 UTC]
thank you very very much! it was quite weird coz of the structure and stuff. yay not mushy!! thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Taralitha [2005-11-27 21:16:32 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful... breathtaking.
Things I liked
The whole theme is sad and dark.. is it true?
Word choice
The rhyming
I feel like I connect to it.. it almost reminds me of the song "When in Rome" I forget who it's by.
Things to change
"Sliding down my Nanas face." Should be "Nana's"
Lovely.. I'm faving it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
bouncing-splitpin In reply to Taralitha [2005-11-27 21:35:36 +0000 UTC]
thank you very very much. well my grandad did fight in the war and my nana does cry but i dont know if it is connected like this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1