HOME | DD
bouncing-splitpin — I am here
Published: 2005-11-23 21:29:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 140; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description
In the shadows, depths and pasts.If I relived and you should watch, that
fateful day of
my own breaking.
At which now i would
stab the knife into my own
chest, than see you hurt again.
Had I done that would it have been
my blood alone that filled the room, or would
yours have mixed with mine?
I made the choice. Lived the lies but
you have never known
my truth.
In which i'd hoped to
save your life. In exchange for mine
unlived.
I want to save you.
I never stopped caring.
Did i leave you to the right choice, or was my
mistake to haunt?
Now, when I see you cry inside,
I wonder.
Is it of my own doing?
I want to call, to beg, to plead.
To tell you
truth, hope.
That my arms they
never closed. Just restrained,
to save you from me.
Now they would close, but only
around you. Safe and warm.
To tell you, I am here.
Related content
Comments: 11
Such a dilemma in one's head to think of choices already done x.x Subject I think is pretty fragile, but very well put down in words.
I find what you wrote down here extremely powerful. And I'm very much liking the juggling you do with the words you use, it's like a play in a play ^.^ The only thing I sometimes needed to do, was reread a line, because of no paragraphs/difficult line up. It didn't take away any of the heavy impact tho, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Very powerful poem!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you very very much! yeah fragile subject thats why i ended up writing it i think. heehee yeah my line thing ah well..
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You did very well! Don't worry about the lining lol, it's the impact that counts ^.^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
heehee good good, thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
its me talking to me and another person. it was kinda past experience and kinda fictional. i know it doesnt give the experience but that is because it was written originaly to the other person. thank you very much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
o my god, this is definitely the BEST poetry i've ever read.
EVER!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you so much *goes bright red, and hides*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Greatness!
Things I liked
Things to Change
yours have mixed with mine? I don't know, to me this is the one phrasing that seems ungainly. Maybe you might want to split this one up even more.
mistake to haunt? Same message as before.
All in all, lovely!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you very very much!!! im gonna think about splitting the line, now u've mentioned it i wanna split it! thank you for the comments. *hug*
👍: 0 ⏩: 1