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bouncing-splitpin — IOAMC
Published: 2005-09-15 19:19:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 112; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description The waters swirl like deepest ink,
if only someone held my hand,
made it safe to understand,
it ends as i begin to sink.

She grew distant selfish cold with time,
looking for herself and friends,
prepare myself for when it ends,
know the blame involved is mine.

I see resignation in her eyes,
cant understand how she lets it go,
no emotions left for her to show,
pushed back as all alone she cries.

I wished to find a girl alone,
instead i found her heaven sent,
lost in her world of innocent,
but to this end i cant condone.
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bouncing-splitpin - Monsters of the Earth
Comments: 6

matt1783 [2005-11-07 10:43:12 +0000 UTC]

good poem bex i prefer your other stuff to this one but again well done for structuring it! your structured stuff is so much better cos its a lot easier to read tbh (to be honest)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to matt1783 [2005-11-07 21:36:14 +0000 UTC]

thank you, hee hee who says it was originally meant for reading??

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lordbeazy [2005-09-16 11:41:27 +0000 UTC]

Flagged as Spam

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bouncing-splitpin In reply to lordbeazy [2005-09-19 18:16:28 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much. Its actually written from different points of view but that could be complete rubbish as its only me imagining things and maybe im just stupid. I think the way you interpreted it is in a way right because it is all from my immagination by me looking or imagining to look through other peoples eyes from things they have said or done. Thats ok again i'll look at it again. Thank you.

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hitchcockm00 [2005-09-15 23:53:50 +0000 UTC]

I think this is quite good, I prefere your other stuff but I still think this is good.

The rhyme scheme is interesting and different to the norm when it comes to many rhyming poems that I have seen. Thats good btw.

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bouncing-splitpin In reply to hitchcockm00 [2005-09-19 18:08:50 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much. yeah the rhyme thing is different im not sure quite how i did it, i think it was the first bit that came into my head and then once i got the first bit the rest of it flowed. Thank you for saying its good!

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hitchcockm00 In reply to bouncing-splitpin [2005-09-20 15:26:23 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome. ok.

Again, you're welcome.

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