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bouncing-splitpin — Is she?
Published: 2006-08-06 22:17:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 396; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 5
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Description
I question you nowcan you hear me? Or do you
chose to ignore,
ignore like you once did.
What do i not have?
What cant i give you, to make you
understand or to believe?
Could she?
Does she give you what i cannot?
Can she break through your defences?
Is she your sweet medicine, to
banish the bitter poison of my taste?
Is she the missing piece of your puzzle
now complete,
while i the box which
kept you
together,
now lays
cold and empty
abandoned on the floor.
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Comments: 25
I know the feeling all too well, I ended a friendship cause I couldnt bare the thought of them together, I spose lucky for me they broke up
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yeah, glad that you got that friendship back. im sorry that you know the feeling.
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yeah its hard, but it also helps make you realise how important certain people are
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yeah its just tough taking that theyve gone
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yeah, it practically destroyed me, I hope yur feeling better
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thank you, and you
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That sounds so much like a situation a close friend of mine was going through. It was so painful to watch. And you expressed it so well.
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thank you very very much, i hope it got better
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She's dealing better with it, yes, which is a relief to me. She seems alright now. With a scar, but okay.
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good, i hope the scar can dissapear eventually or fade
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i read this to my friend,a song writer, he loved it. he is going through a similar situation. i think it's perfectly done as usual.
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thank you very much 
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thank you very much, you always know what to say.
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its brillaint, im sorry x i hope we can still be friends but i understand if you hate me, be safe
matt
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The metaphor of the empty puzzle box is good, the "missing piece of the puzzle" metaphor is over-used and refering to the empty box is a fresh way of looking at it so well done for that.
And it shows the message you want to show well.
But I'm not sure about the structure and the flow, it seems a bit too kind of stop start which dosn't really make it flow well, for me anyway. On the other hand that structure does make it stand out from other poems which use more conventional and arguably more boring structures.
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thank you very much for the comment, im glad i managed to come up with a half original idea! thank you for your thoughts on the structure.
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You're welcome. hehe.
You're welcome again, because you hadn't replied for ages I thought I'd offended you or something hehe.
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hehe no like i said it refused to let me reply to anything for ages
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wow, i can relate to this poem so much. i love the imagery of the whole jigsaw puzzle and empty box. awesome. x
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thank you very much, im glad people can relate.
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