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bouncing-splitpin β Your Final Words
Published: 2006-07-05 20:24:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 370; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 4
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You speak them slowly, though in your face i see the truth.Looking deep into your frozen heart i thought id melted.
I see that you just want to push me away, disgusted.
I've got to walk away before i let you see i'm breaking.
You've moved on with her and left me here on the brink,
brink of the pit i'm slowly drowning in.
Where you could have saved me, but chose to let me fall.
I don't blame you, never could, never will, just wish, you'd hold me close.
Make me believe in the future again.
Wipe the salty lines from my frozen face,
whisper dreams, soft breath upon my cheek.
Kiss me and take me back, to summer days so happy.
When i felt the world turning and me with it but didn't care.
Now it turns faster, until the colours merge, my barriers fall
and i am left.
Here with nothing.
But the memory of your final words.
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Comments: 24
That is really well written, i especially liked the line about the frozen heart you thought you'd melted.
Your work has grown immensly in the time ive been away.
Keep it up! ill be on the lookout!
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I like how youβve made the title something interesting that is very obviously relevant to the poem, you have to read the title to understand the first line, the title might as well be the first line. I donβt see that too often, good stuff.
I like the fact that itβs soβ¦resigned, melancholic, but not at all bitter. Some of the images are good too, particularly the following:
βLooking deep into your frozen heart I thought Iβd melted.β
βWipe the salty lines from my frozen face,
whisper dreams, soft breath upon my cheek.β
Those two lines in particular are beautiful images, I like the use of the word frozen because you have previously described the object of the poemβs heart as frozen, but it also has other meanings, paralysis, with shock? Horror? As well as obviously cold, which is also in line with the rest of the poem. I also love the latter line because itβs one of only a few in the whole poem that have an altogether softer, warmer feel.
The fourth last line I also like, itβs like youβve totally lost all perception and everything comes crashing down, I find it a frightening experience. I like the way youβve described it here, not overdone or over dramatic, it just is.
Very touching, perfect line to end the poem with too.
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thank you very much for such a lovely and detailed comment
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No worries. It got me going, the old cogs up there only seem to be any good for gathering dust these days, alas...
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im glad it got the cogs going lol bless im sure its not as bad as you make it sound. youre very talented for someone who has rusty cogs lol
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Thank you. I think I'm just a pisshead, but there we go. Just getting old, haha.
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lol well in that case...
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the ending is really touchy...
i find meself in this poem at this very instant !
congrats
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thank you very much x im sorry you feel like this x glad it touched you though
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im sorry that you know, its an awful feeling, i hope it gets better
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thanks, things are ok now, we are on a kind of personal conversation boycot which helps
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aww i hope so
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yeah it does
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once again another perfect poem. did you get the "drowning" from my song by any chance? hehe. hey you should write a happy poem! i find that harder to do sometimes.
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thank you *blushes* hehe happy happy?? hmmm they dont happen so often i think i have one maybe lol! I'll try.
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thank you so very much, i hope they do however long it takes i know i have people like you.
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thank you so much, it means alot.
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miss you too thank you
xxx
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