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Lucy was spending the afternoon playing videogames. As usual, she was stuck.
"Hey, could you give me a hand?" asked Lucy.
"Sure," I replied, chucking her my left one.
Understandably, she screamed.
"Hey, relax. It's no big deal; I have another!"
Lucy noticed the lack of blood flowing from the severed hand, and calmed down a little bit. She had figured out the it was another of my magic tricks.
"Please stop doing things like that, Alice. You're going to give me a heart attack one day!"

"Okay, I apologise for my little joke, but I just have to show you this! It's from an aspect of witching called Natural Body Magic. It basically allows you to take yourself apart, and you can even use the bits you lop off!"
"Seriously now, who would make something like that? It just seems completely useless to me," replied Lucy, seemingly unimpressed.
"Well, most modern Thaumologists assume it was used for fetish play, but my favorite theory is that it was used as a deterrent. If the torch-and-pitchfork wielding mob find your head already lying on the floor, they're not going to bother finishing you off. You just come back the next day to re-capitate yourself."
"Okay, now you're really worrying me," she joked. "But seriously, you've got me interested. How does it work?"
"It's not too hard," I replied. "First, take a swig of some detaching potion. Here's some I prepared earlier," I announced, producing a flask of neon pink liquid with a flourish.
"That loosens you up at the joints. You can do more detailed work, but then you need knives and stuff."
"And I don't trust you with those, magical or not."

"Then, for step two, you sort of twist off the parts you want. Look, I'll show you."
I grabbed my hips with my left hand, and poked myself in the kidney with my right stump. "I'm going to need that back," I said, pointing at my right hand, which was still detached and had climbed down Lucy's top. She plucked it out and tossed it back.
"Sorry about that," I said, "While you can control detached bits, ignore them for long enough and the kinda get a mind of their own."
"Riiiiiight." Snapped back Lucy, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Anyway, here goes!"

I grabbed my hips with one hand and my waist with the other, and snapped my body around. Lucy was clearly expecting some sort of wet crunch or snap or something, but all there was was a gentle pop. I lifted myself up off my legs, and pushed off onto the couch. Lucy was dumbstruck. She poked the area of new skin under my navel in disbelief. It was smooth, pink and ever so slightly sticky.
"So, do you want a go?"

Lucy snatched the bottle off the table, and took a hearty gulp of the liquid. Her face crumpled up in disgust.
"Hey!" I shouted. "Don't go throwing that up, it's expensive!"
She gulped it down with a cringe.
"So, how long does it take to act?"
"No more than a minute," I said, and sent my legs off to fetch me a beer.

A faint creaking of joints signaled that the potion's effects had kicked in, and Lucy began by popping off one of her arms at the shoulder. She held it out at arm's length, and used it to switch on the TV.
"Not so useless now, is it?" I quipped. "Oh! Watch this!"
I lifted my head from my shoulders, and pushed it onto my legs, which were tapping their feet in boredom. While my flatmate was distracted by my new, abbreviated form, I used my torso to reach behind her and pull off her head! She patted the spot between her shoulders comically, before realising what was wrong. Then, while I held down her swearing head with one hand, I picked up mine with the other and dropped it onto her body.
"Hey, what gives?" yelled Lucy, " I can't feel a thing!"
"It's pretty simple. Remember when I said you can control the bits you take off? Well it's your head that's giving the orders. You can change your perspective, but its complicated."
"That doesn't answer my question!"
"That's because I'm not finished. Well, your head can sort of synchronize with any other detached parts, because it can lose connection if you move too far away."
"So, when can I have my body back?"
"When I'm finished with it. But I'll make it up to you, you can have mine tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah, I guess..."

Now, this is the bit I'd been planning from the start. Pay attention, it gets a bit complicated.
I plucked my right arm from my decapitated torso, and used it to replace the one Lucy had removed earlier. Realising it was a shame to let two perfectly good arms go to waste, I planted them just underneath the two I was using. With my extra appendages, I gave Lucy's body a good feel-around, just making myself at home.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked her head from the sofa.
"I'm going to make a centaur!" I replied. "How cool would that be?"
"I don't really care, just get on with it and stop touching me up!"
"Okay..."

I removed her lower half, thinking that it would be a shame to waste such a nice ass by putting it on the inside. I placed it on my old torso, which would be in the back end too. Hopping off the sofa, I crawled like half a spider to my legs, which had fallen asleep in the corner. Once they were attached, I stood up to my usual height, and told the rest of the parts to come and meet me. I picked up the headless, armless construct with my top two hands, and plucked Lucy's legs from it with my lower hands. These needed to be 90 degrees forward, with the butt up in the air, or I was going to get some serious lower back cramp. To finish off, I dropped my jeans and stuck the torso on my own butt.

As I galloped a victory lap, Lucy said, "I hope you're not going out like that!"
"Of course not," I replied, "I haven't brushed my hair!"