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Published: 2003-09-01 00:38:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 139; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 8
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Description
OblivionBlack
No stars
No light
No life
My soul is empty
A hollow chasm where light used to shine
A cave full of spider's webs, abandoned, dark
Like a black hole, I suck all happiness into my depths
And slowly crush each smile like they mean nothing to me
My universe has collapsed
My sun has exploded
My guide has gone
And so I'm left here alone, lost and frightened
With only my barely beating heart to keep me company
As I scour the earth hopelessly in vain
To one day find my light
In the eyes of my unintended
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Comments: 11
DivineApathy [2003-09-26 06:28:36 +0000 UTC]
This is absolutely amazing... you've taken despair and made it into something eery yet beautiful.
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taffyrn [2003-09-08 14:45:16 +0000 UTC]
I too, have felt like this... good, i like it.
Li
-x-
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arlejerlutos [2003-09-01 08:49:56 +0000 UTC]
everything seems so sudden and rushed...a nice touch to the last part..reminds me of the rapid drum beats ..more like heart beats..lol sorry.
And so I'm left here alone, lost and frightened
With only my barely beating heart to keep me company
As I scour the earth hopelessly in vain
To one day find my light
In the eyes of my unintended
i like this poem! ><
cheers
AJ
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niminitzar [2003-09-01 07:37:57 +0000 UTC]
Unintended... I hope this is meant to say that you will find the right one at a time when finding love was unintended... or that you will find true love but that you dont believe in a single person is right for you. If you are saying that you will fall for the wrong person... one that was not intended for you... then I feel for you... I hope this is not the case.
Other than that I like the poems structure. I like the way you describe depression here (at least that what I think you describing) when you say:
Like a black hole, I suck all happiness into my depths
And slowly crush each smile like they mean nothing to me
This is so characteristic of depression... how it fees off itself and cons you into destroying chances for happiness. Once your depressed a part of you wants to stay that way. Nicely done... I donβt know if I like the structure too much but that was the style you chose for this poem so who am I to argue. Well done.
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mech61 [2003-09-01 06:53:43 +0000 UTC]
I love this poem, very well written...great job sally. The emptiness and darkness of it all you try to create comes across very well and vivid. Thanks for sharing this one
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soulburntdown77 [2003-09-01 02:30:55 +0000 UTC]
Wow. Nice wording and imagery. Well done. I like it
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alwayzdazd [2003-09-01 01:15:13 +0000 UTC]
I think this is awesome..the imagery itself is brilliant..very nice.
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badblokebob [2003-09-01 00:41:34 +0000 UTC]
Well, I like it But I guess I'm kinda tired too, heh. Epic imagery, which I think works well.
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kamelin [2003-09-01 00:41:00 +0000 UTC]
Fast paced, violent, and speaks the rush of a darkened mind.
blackrose:
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