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I'm 38 today. Geez. I feel old. XD

DA has been a place of drama and fun and I guess time pushes us on to wherever we're meant to go.

I still check here every now and then. I wouldn't call myself "active" because I consider active to be posting stuff. I haven't posted anything in my gallery in ages. I keep my account up because it's part of my internet history. Some of it is a very ugly part of it and others are fun and fond memories.

10 years ago, I was embroiled in drama over fanfiction. It's so silly when I look back on it now. That past-tense me was still very wounded from high school and had all those old wounds opened up by the drama. The death threats were the worst. I completely reverted to my school age self when all that went down because it tugged on very bad memories. I was sleeping with a lamp aimed at my window out of fear of somebody climbing in to hurt me.

I know all the drama wouldn't have happened if I just accepted that Ambrosia didn't belong on this site, but I 100% didn't think it broke the rules and felt like I was being singled out. That is why I reacted. Then the high school brain kicked in and didn't want to admit to being wrong because that always, always, always led to even more ridicule. I kept fighting when I knew I was wrong because I couldn't admit it to myself. Ironically, when I finally *did* admit it, most of the harassment stopped right away and the rest kind of tapered off.

I won't say I deserved what happened because nobody deserves that. It crossed a line into cyberbullying. People will say it was trolling, but no, personal and detailed death threats in my inbox were not mere trolling. I sent them to my aunt, who is a cop, and she would patrol past my house in her squad car when she had the time because it helped me feel safe.

Anyway, that's a decade ago and it's the past. I grew up a bit since then. Maybe the impulse control center of my brain finally finished maturing. I'm less reactive than I used to be. I cringe at 28 year old me, but I can't say I want to erase the mess like it never happened. It taught me a lot about the internet and how cruel people really are. Most importantly, it taught me there are people who care, too. My friends rallied behind me. I was able to tell myself I wasn't despised by *everyone* and that helped. I'm grateful for that.

Maybe I'm a bit wiser and my skin is a tiny bit thicker. Or maybe I finally figured out I don't have to take myself so seriously all the time.

So here's to life. I wonder who I'll be when I'm 48. I guess we'll wait and see!